How did you decide how many DC to have?

[happyfeet5]

Thread out of pure nosey-ness. Not yet TTC but thinking about the future and how expensive things are getting, it seems that even comfortable families would have so much more resources to give to just one child!

I love the baby stage and the toddler stage but I can only imagine how costly it is to have a high school aged DC. Birthday parties, clothes, spending allowance the latest gadgets, holidays, money for school trips, tutoring if they need it. Is family size (ie 2 or 3 siblings growing up together) worth more in the long term than providing the best of the best opportunities and lifestyle for one DC?

i was really unwell when having dc2 and afterwards so we decided no more due to that

We planned 3. We had a MMC, DD1, DD2 and MC.

I should add that I don't consider myself a particularly good mother. It's been tough with one who is autistic, but having three feels right for us and I hope it maximises the chances of grandchildren one day. DS2 will be hanging around at home for quite a while I expect but he's good company and his sibs look out for him.

Had one. Realised I was done. Easy

Couldn't afford two in childcare simultaneously and giving up work wasn't an option. So we didn't make a decision initially. I didn't want a second after difficult birth, PND and problems bonding. DH more keen.

Had a helpful chat with my GP about how long I could realistically leave it before deciding whether to TTC or not. She made it clear the health problems of first pregnancy were v likely again. Then Covid hit when I was within a couple of years of that age of realistic chance and we realised how awful it would have been having a second child during that time and were glad we stuck at one!

"Providing the best of the best opportunities and lifestyle" is not really a goal of mine for DC.
Obviously they should all have enough etc. But no, providing the "best possible" is not at all my aim. I don't think that's important. If you do then maybe one child suits you? We are all different.

I always wanted a big family - I used to say five, more as a number to pluck out of the air to illustrate than an actual plan. But I knew that I wanted 2+ children, not an only child.

DS1 was an only for 10 years. Because I split up with his dad, then it wasn't the right time with DH, then we had miscarriages/infertility. Then after DS2 I knew I wanted at least 1 more so that we could have that close-together children family/experience, that I'd always wanted. I think I have the best of everything - it's easy like having 2, because DS1 has been pretty independent, but I have the variety and chaos and "fullness" of three. I don't want any more now, for a few reasons.

I was young when I had DS1, so I want to move on from being a SAHM/part time/casual worker with one foot in the home, I don't want to keep on having babies forever, I want to do something else, hopefully have some kind of career, while I still have energy and time.

We have three boys. I feel like if we had another and it wasn't a girl everyone would make a big deal out of us waiting for a girl and we've used every single boy name we ever liked or had a connection to anyway. If it was a girl, I worry that she would feel like the odd one out or people would think DS3 was just got out of the way so we could have a girl.

It works for our home, car, etc. Don't feel a need to change anything.

I found the third pregnancy harder and don't really want to do it again although there are parts of pregnancy I loved. I find birth to be an experience to endure rather than enjoy, I have absolutely no desire to do it again despite on paper DS1 and 3 being "blissful natural etc" and the other options (epidural, c-section) seem pretty crap too so I'm fine with just saying nope, no thanks, that's done.

I know it sounds silly/superstitious, but I am scared of increasing the chance something awful will happen to one of them. I feel like 3 is tempting fate enough! Also feel lucky that they are all healthy etc.

It was down to how many could we afford.

To support from child through to adults. 2 was our answer.

3 was always my number, but #2 has taken 5 years and 3 losses to conceive (currently 31 weeks) so there will be 9 years between our two. I will probably also be too old for another by the time I’m physically ready for a 3rd, and could absolutely not afford childcare (1 in breakfast/after school clubs and 2 in nursery?! No thanks.) DP also feels like couldn’t find through the TTC/losses heartbreak again, he’s probably right.

So the decision was made for us really. I think I’ll always feel a bit sad for the never to be 3rd but after everything, extraordinarily lucky and grateful to be having two at all.

I came from a large family so planned having one as well.
That was quickly dismissed when I had to give birth by c section.The first one nearly killed us both.So I had to get sterilised during the birth of my second and last one.
It did not stop me getting very broody though.I am now a great grandmother but still would love to have a new baby of my own!

Until I was 40 I was certain I didn’t want children.

Aged 45 DP and I were approved to adopt one child over five.

Three months later DS arrived aged 8 months.

The day I went back to work we heard DS had a new sibling who needed a home so she too arrived aged 8 months. Having a second was a very easy decision, as was the decision not to have a third should the situation arise.

Not what we had expected but we’d have it no other way.

I had one, ex ans I split and I felt very lucky to meet DP and have dc2 (just after a few mc). I always wanted 2 but would have been happy with my dc1 if dc2 hadn’t happened. Tbh the real killer cost wise is the pre 3 years with little childcare help. After the govt childcare top up (approx 20%), childcare for dc2 are over £700 per month just for 3 days per week. We just couldn’t afford double that and my age would have meant I’d have had to have dc3 asap. So just not doable. Also lack of bedrooms!

@rufus27 wow talk about fate, lovely story.

I have 2 and I feel 80% done, I had horrible horrible pregnancies and complicated births and I do struggle with the relentless early years. My DH would have one more in a heart beat but he isn’t the SAHP. If I had it my way I’d make him get the snip but he’s not convinced. The 20% of me that wants a third only occurs when I see cute babies and get that mental idea that it wouldn’t be so bad. I’m one of 3 and close to both my siblings.

Two, we couldn’t afford more.

Took the plunge and went for a second; got a third free.

Initial wanted 2 but we've agreed to settle
With the one 😁

Two and very lucky to have them. Planned and very much wanted. Both pregnancies were difficult (Cholestasis, one emergency c-section and one planned). That, age and finances stopped us there.

Age. Also teenage isn’t always expensive, I have a very low-maintenance teen (except for the cost of limited-edition hoodies)

Forgot to add, because they raid my ‘80s clubbing wardrobe instead and never leave the house 😂

This is interesting because I have honestly never thought this far ahead. It wouldn't have made sense to anyway. 14 years after having DS1 I'm with a totally different partner and a completely different financial situation. We're also in a massively better financial situation compared to when we started TTC DS2. If I had tried to fast forward either of those times I probably would have thought it would be unaffordable.

Equally though although we are stable now, who knows what might happen in the next 7-15 years? Anything could happen so what seems affordable today might not be affordable then.

Loved being pregnant, births a doddle, so that had no bearing on our decision.
First child adorable and so easy we knew we had to do it again, so second only 18 months later.
But we were also not prepared to be outnumbered, so stopped there.

@BertieBotts I feel similar. We have three boys and everyone assumed we were having the third to go for a girl. I'd hate it if my child thought they were unwanted because of the contents of their pants.

I wanted more than two as did DH (he was an only child orphaned in his teens so wanted a biggish family). 3 felt like enough for a while, but DH wanted one more and I was ok with that too!

I'm very grateful that conception and pregnancy was easy, health issues were minimal and we are financially stable. We have 4 DC and are done.

I think I always wanted children, but just not yet, always later. I was unlucky informing relationships, though as I older I see that bad luck was not coincidental, but down to my issues, informed by a poor upbringing.

i tried for a baby aged 41, with a lovely partner. To my shock, fell pregnant straight away. I was terrified, thought I’d ruined my life. But it all went ok - difficult birth though - and the first two years of my child’s life were the happiest years of my life.

Then my partner died, then Covid struck. I came through all that but now I find myself middle aged, fitness gone and menopausal, alone with a 5 year old child. It can be pretty hard for both of us - he does get lonely, and I have lots of emotional needs unmet - but weirdly at then age of 47, I find myself totally yearning another.

In my 20s I thought a child was the worst thing that could happen, now i realise it’s the greatest joy there is, and wish I’d lived my life differently.

but yes, climate breakdown, and money … so I try to count my blessings in this difficult life I have.

I never planned any I never had any desire to get pregnant etc. I did unplanned, so I know I have one. I definitely don't want more, but even if I did this isn't a world I would want to bring more into, tbh.