How did you decide how many DC to have?

[happyfeet5]

Thread out of pure nosey-ness. Not yet TTC but thinking about the future and how expensive things are getting, it seems that even comfortable families would have so much more resources to give to just one child!

I love the baby stage and the toddler stage but I can only imagine how costly it is to have a high school aged DC. Birthday parties, clothes, spending allowance the latest gadgets, holidays, money for school trips, tutoring if they need it. Is family size (ie 2 or 3 siblings growing up together) worth more in the long term than providing the best of the best opportunities and lifestyle for one DC?

I always wanted two, H wanted three. Number one was a nightmare. Risked number two who was an angel baby but crazy toddler. Didn't have a third roll of the dice!

I was one of 2, as was DH, so we planned 2 - which is what we have. We wanted to educate them privately, (as I was), and 3 sets of school fees would have been impossible. 2 is a big enough financial burden!

We discussed having DC3 but I wasn’t very keen and it would have meant financial compromises (of a kind DH had grown up with and wasn’t keen that his DC should experience despite DPIL being fab). So we stopped at 2.

We’ve got 4. Still not sure I’m done but my husband is sure he’s done so I think that’s that! I always wanted a big family and wish I felt done!

I want 3 but have ended up with two as I can't seem to get pregnant again.

I'm depressed about it but probably couldn't afford another anyway so I'm trying to come to terms with it, and failing!

It was pretty clearly 2 for us. I was one of 3 and in an ideal world would have had 3 but given we couldn't afford more than one in ft childcare and the extra expense of a 3rd (bigger car, bigger house, holidays pricier etc) I was happy to stick with two. DH occasionally brought up the idea of a 3rd but he agreed a few years back that two was the right number!

I have one. She loves being an only. I had health issues that I chose not to exacerbate with a second pregnancy, plus by the time my health was good enough for me to consider it, the age gap would have been massive.

I love having one and can allow her to do most of what she wants club wise, as I don't have to factor in a second financially or in the schedule. Also, I like that our house will be hers, everything is just hers. It suits us.

We were grateful to have one after some fertility challenges due to PCOS. Hoped for two and had twins so ended up with three. Financially it’s a stretch but it is what is and we make do. Still manage to have fun on a limited budget!

We had two. I wanted a 3rd but he said no way. I grieved that.

My plan was always for two and that’s what we have. As an only (but perfectly happy) child I knew I wanted my DC to have a sibling but any more than two would have been a step too far!

i had a horrendous second pregnancy (miscarriage of one twin, severe sickness until DD was born and was seriously considering a wheelchair for my pelvis) that had I wanted another, there’s no way I could have gone through it.

Two, and we got two which was a miracle considering I have endometriosis. Consultants and surgeons decided when we should have children. Luckily it worked out but was maybe 3 years earlier than we would have chosen. We had been married for 4 years when Ds1 arrived.

Dh is one of two but not close to his sister at all. I am one of 3, the middle of 3, and two of us were super close in years and as siblings. That saw us share a room and often leave out the other sibling, not deliberately but we were happy as a two. Based on two being able to gang up on one or leave one out and the world being designed for 2 adults and 2 children, Dh and I decided on 2.

That meant a 3 bed house would see each child share a room and not have to compromise on decor. An only child can find it hard to entertain themselves, need friends over to play a lot and can be lonely. My friend has one child. They are not used to sharing or compromising when young. All their toys are theirs.

I didn't have to decide. I always knew I didn't want children.

Always wanted one but DH was always saying two. Both have two siblings.

My DD is 2.5 and I won't have another. Hated being pregnant and then she had health issues at birth so no thank you. Not going through it again. I also worry about if she will need extra tutoring or help at school so I don't want to have to stretch our finances between two.

My DD is such a socialable thing that I have no worries with her finding her friend family. She's never asked to have a sibling but I appreciate she's still very young for that!

@asleepwhileawake My dd isn't as you describe at all, she tries to give her toys away to visiting children if we don't watch out! She will also happily entertain herself. I think the unhelpful only child stereotypes are outdated.

@RobinRobinMouse it isn't an out of date stereotype, these are children I know who are now teens in sixth form and I have known them and their parents since nursery. Your DD sounds lovely and just because someone has 2 children does not mean they will be close, as I said Dh is not close to his sister at all. I have the same age gap with my children and they are best mates.

We decided on 2 as we'd be comfortable with 2, the universe had other ideas though and we're waiting for number 3 to arrive any day! We'll manage, but we'll certainly have to be more frugal in our spending.

2 was what I hoped for and had. Anymore the 2 you have to look at bigger cars, everything costs loads more. Bedrooms become an issue as most 4 beds have3 decent bedrooms and then a teeny one.

I only have the one. Would have liked to have had another but can't really afford to. That was the deciding factor for us.

Had absolutely no choice in the matter, infertility, x2 rounds of ivf the second ending in a missed miscarriage and that was the end of the line.

Not always a decision everyone can make.

Glad you clarified because I really hate stereotypical ideas about only children too. They are all individuals. Some only children may be as you describe but some aren’t. Same with those that have siblings.

We vaguely thought we might have 4…then we had 2 and realised that was plenty. We can give them enough time, attention, whatever they may need in financial terms…environmentally just replacing ourselves seemed sensible. Initially it was a head over heart decision but now the dc are upper primary age I am so so glad we stopped when we did.

I’m also glad they have each other - they’re a lovely little team.

We had twins so at least 2 was decided for us! I would have liked 3 but DH didn't so we stuck with two.

3 here (3 DD’s) I was one of 3 girls so it felt like the norm to me…

I would have had another but DH only said yes to the 3rd because I wanted and said no more after her.

I did feel quite broody for a while but I think I just was mourning mine growing up and missing when they were little and suggly.

As an extra to the PP who said they were lucky to have one of each, I’ve always found it a bit strange that and to a certain extent offensive when people have came out with that, why presume that the perfect make up of family is a boy and a girl?!

I feel very lucky to have 3 of the same, a really close team of girls. I’m sure those with all boys do too.

none now - will be grateful for 1, no more than 2 for environmental reasons. If none then I will accept that

@Madeintowerhamlets I hate stereotypes too. My nephew is an only child and the most content with his own company. He is only 6 but seems very happy either by himself or when we get down to his level and play alongside and with him with his toys. It is quite lovely, my youngest is almost 17.

We decided on 2 because my Mum couldn't hold all of our hands to cross the road etc, plus roll out beds in hotel rooms and family tickets being 2 adults and 2 children. Even simple things like going on fair ground rides was a juggling act rather than 1 adult with 1 child. Plus 3 children in the back of the car, no space if you fell out with a sibling. It felt like a lot of compromising all the time. I think this really influenced me clearly.