People who only ever seem to talk about themselves

[Typo22]

How do you deal with people who's soul topic of conversation is themself?

I find it so exhausting trying to have any type of conversation because I never seem to get a word in edgeways, I feel like I have something to say and I'm waiting to take my chance to jump in and when I do they continue to just talk over me.

I have a friend who is like this, she is a lovely person but when I'm with her we only ever talk about her, and anything I say is swept to one side.

My sister is also like this, to the point that I've actually told her that she was the most self obsessed person I know and pointed out in every conversation we have she never once asks me about my life or the kids. I find it so exhausting having hour long phone conversations where all I really say is "yeah" and "mmm" on repeat. I sometimes avoid answering but obviously she is my sister and I love her, I can't just permanently avoid her.

If you've come across this type of person, how do you deal with it?!

I have two friends like this.

The first had been a really good friend then moved stateside to get married. I would get these transatlantic calls that went in for hours when I had things to do. Because I felt she was lonely, I always tried to make myself available. The last time she called, I just had enough and didn’t answer. She kept ringing then sending messages “are you there?”.

She got upset I didn’t respond (it was Christmas and I was doing family stuff). It’s been radio silence ever since. It’s been a bit of relief actually.

The second friend has has been through some tough years (divorce, serious illness etc). Last time we met she spent the 3 hours speaking 95% of the time. Exhausting, unfulfilling and a tad boring.

The next time she suggests we meet up (I definitely won’t be reaching out to her), I plan to start the evening with “ I hope I get to share my news as last time we met, I don’t think I spoke much”. If she gets upset, that’s OK. We are simply not going to be doing this in 2023.

I have a friend like this too. She assumes I want to hear all about her sister in law and other random people I don’t know and drones on non stop (without me being able to get a word in) until I make up an excuse to get off the phone. She’ll also talk a lot about her dc which is extremely boring too. She can, however, be an absolutely lovely kind person so it’s hard to drop her although I’m frequently tempted.

I’m not “friends” with anyone like yes now that I’m 40. Yes when I was a teen and early twenties, but now - my friends are, well just that, a small group of people that I love and enjoy their company

I used to work with someone like this, fortunately I didn’t have to socialise with her outside the office so I could just about cope.

I’ll never forget the time the entire workforce got called in for a meeting announcing major redundancies and we came out of this bombshell occasion to walk back to our desks and somehow without anyone noticing how, we all were listening to her rant on (for ghee next several hours) about how someone told her the previous night how young and attractive she looked and should she go out with him and what a libel guy he was etc etc. All afternoon. Nobody really got a chance to even discuss the bloody redundancies.

• Sorry autocorrect took over in some of that.

I have a friend like this. I'm 9 years older than her so when we first met (she in her 20s, I in my 30s), didn't really mind as she needed support with some things and that seemed balanced with some fun nights out.
Over the years it has become a bit wearing. I'd say if we spend the evening together, it's 80% her, 20% me. On the rare occasion she asks me a question like how my DC are doing, I don't ever get to finish the answer before it's back to her DC.
I've had a pretty blessed life but when I was going through a particularly difficult time, she showed very little care or interest. I tried to tell her how that made me feel and of course she was then the victim as I had hurt her telling her that.
That was the turning point. I no longer consider her one of my closest friends. We still see each other very occasionally, but I go into those occasions accepting it will be mainly 'about her' and that mindset helps somehow .

Yeah I have a friend like this, she doesn't even phone me anymore, it's just big long voice notes so she can go off on a long monologue with no interruptions.

I used to be a Samaritan (yes, this is relevant!) so now when I encounter someone like this I mentally go into Samaritan mode and just listen while not expecting to share anything of myself. It stops me feeling frustrated with the speaker

I hate it when I'm telling them a story of something that's happened and they take over by talking about "someone they know" who had that happen to them and go on to tell me the usually very boring story of that person, who I don't know nor care about, when I haven't even finished my story yet.

My SIL is like this. I make a game out of it and see how little I can contribute to the conversation before she stops talking. We can spend days together and I’ll come away knowing every aspect of her friends’ financial lives and her children’s prowess in every single extracurricular and academic subject, whilst she has learned absolutely nothing about me and my family.

It was infuriating for the first few years of knowing her, especially as she drones on mainly to show us how beneath them she thinks we are, but now it’s just painfully amusing. She is completely lacking in self awareness.

Yes ,It didn't really register until someone pointed it out and then I couldn't unsee it.
I was counting in my head how many times they turned the conversation round to them
Didn't ask one question about anybody else, I don't see them anymore, I just can't do it

My sister is like this, it's exhausting. How I deal with it is by avoiding her when I can, or cutting the conversation short where possible, it's the only thing that has saved my sanity. My mother is the only one that can put up with her.

Never seems interested in how we are doing, apart from a very succinct 'how are you?' when you first meet (you're not actually supposed to answer this).

She goes into ridiculous detail about names and things she said to people etc and it's tedious. Although she combines it with angry outbursts about how people that have slighted her and how she is the victim always, so it's more extreme than some other people who do this.

I feel sometimes that I should grow a backbone and say something but I never do. Yesterday for example a certain school mum said hello and then made a comment on about me dying my hair darker whilst she had gone lighter. I was about to make a comment about my hair when she then went on a tangent of "cost me a fortune mind, I do think I need it lifted a bit, do you think it suits me? I wanted to go more Autumnal" etc while I didn't get a word in.

It's especially difficult when it's family, I love my sister but spending any significant amount of time with her is exhausting. We went shopping on Tuesday and all I heard about was her work, new car, the dog, the latest man she is messaging. And when she is not talking to me she is on her phone flicking through Tinder 😑 I have to tell her to put her phone down. I don't want to go on my phone as well because I think 2 people having lunch engrossed in their phones is quite sad, but then I get more of her running commentary which is quite frankly boring.

I probably sound like a right cow but being brutal with her doesn't work. Any time I try and give my opinion or any advice she just ignored me or tells me why I'm wrong. It's bloody infuriating!

Yes! My mother

Clicked send before I finished!
We live abroad so we have calls most days and it's usually an hour of her telling me things usually repeating herself and telling me about people I absolutely have no interest in. If she does ask a question I will answer and within a couple of minutes we are talking well she is talking about herself

It is very very draining. And I've had to reduce the calls as it just doesn't help me, if I do try and start talking about things in my life that aren't going well she tries to give really unhelpful advice. Sometimes you don't want advice or what she would do in that situation sometimes you just need someone to listen!

Yes, my line manager at work is like this. Was talking to her and another colleague (who is exactly the same) and it was competitive talking. I couldn't get a word in sideways.

I spend most of my time trying to avoid her!

I had an ex colleague like this who would interrupt conversations to talk about herself. On and on all day. But she was transferred to a lovely job whilst I didn't.

My DM was also like this. A constant drone of nothing for hours.

It is selfish. If I had my time again I would be rude and tell them both.

I'm like this. I am aware I'm doing it but in so desparate to make a point before it falls out of my brain I find it incredibly difficult. It's also worse in social situations when I'm more anxious. I rabbit on to fill any possible pause. I'm told it's a symptom of my ADHD. I try very hard not to do it but I do find it incredibly hard to rein myself in.

Got a friend like this. She has recently been diagnosed with ADHD.

I feel bad. Sometimes I catch myself doing this. It’s usually with people I don’t know very well and am trying to fill the conversation and avoid awkward silence.

Sorry!

Yeah my mum is like this. She will not ask about anything to do with my life or my dc. For example I got a new job, she's not asked me a single thing about it. Yet I get every single detail about her job, her colleagues who I've never met, plus stories about her colleagues in-laws' cousins' dog. I went on a trip to an exciting European city. Great experience, loads to tell, really fun adventures. Saw my mum for lunch recently and she said 'did you have a nice time?' I think I just about said yes, before she talked over me and went into a long monologue about her cat. Her cat is not ill or causing her stress by the way, it was just a regular appointment. I got all the details of the cat, what the vet said, what a random woman at the vet said, what her friend thinks about the vet versus the one at the other side of town and so on. And on. And on. She talks and talks about things only relevant to her and leaves no room for anyone else to enter the conversation. She has always been like this though so I'm more used to it now and try to just notice it without reacting. I try very hard not to be like this myself as a result. Makes spending any time with her very frustrating though and I've noticed I don't seek to spend social time with her as much these days. Thankfully none of my friends are like this, I couldn't cope with them doing it as well as my mum!

I’ve known a few people like this. Some of them seem to have stage holding techniques which mean you can’t just switch them off because they’re aware you’re not paying attention. I know we all have our moments but some people don’t understand turn taking.

I dont have any friends like this. I hope I'm not the one who talks too much 😅🤣

My SIL is like this. She literally doesn’t pause for breath and doesn’t ask me ANYTHING the whole time I’m with her, literally nothing. I’m starting to think she is only like this with me though as she seemingly has quite a few friends and I don’t believe she’d have any if she acted with other people how she acts with me. Mind you, DB is like it too, they’re just a self-obsessed couple.

I've met people like this, and I'm friendly with a few at work, where I have no choice about spending time with them. But I would never have them as actual friends, because in my experience even when you force them to do their share of listening, they aren't really interested (eyes drifting, little bit of fidgeting), so what is the point?