Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How independent are you?

113 replies

Alwaysonyonsn · 07/11/2022 15:16

Could you (for example)

  • Live by yourself?
  • Travel alone?
  • Drive a long distance?

Or are you very reliant on your partner?

OP posts:
FallingLeaves1111 · 07/11/2022 16:46

@OohMrBingley I probably should be. I do not have a very good relationship with my Father, he was a total prick to me when I was a child.

Snugglemonkey · 07/11/2022 16:47

I think the things listed are just basic adulting. I appreciate that sometimes people have additional needs, or mental health issues that would prevent independent functioning, but given that I don't, if I were struggling with things like that, I would be seeking help to redress that.

caroleanboneparte · 07/11/2022 16:52

• Live by yourself?

I've lived alone albeit not for very long. I think everyone should probably live alone at some point.

• Travel alone?

Yes, been on solo holidays in my youth. Illl admit I've lost a bit of confident to do this now I haven't for over 15 years. Holiday in uk on own fine.
• Drive a long distance?

All the time.

Chattydoll · 07/11/2022 16:52

I’ve never lived alone but am good with bills and house maintenance so imagine I would cope well. I travel solo and drive long distances quite frequently.

yikesanotherbooboo · 07/11/2022 16:53

I could easily live alone or travel alone.I don't like driving on motorways so although I did a lot when young it has been DH who has done the lions share over the last 25 years. I could drive a long way if motorways weren't involved.

FiveShelties · 07/11/2022 16:53

You seem to be very busy today OP starting threads and not returning to them.🙄

shinynewapple22 · 07/11/2022 16:56

I don't enjoy driving so if I was to travel long distance I would use public transport .

I certainly could live alone - but it would take some getting used to. I lived alone in my 20s but worked full time outside the house and went out most nights with friends/boyfriends/exercising. My social life is a lot quieter now and I work PT from home so there would need to be some readjustment I think .

Travelling alone - something I've fantasised about over the years but in reality I suspect I would be lonely. I've travelled with just me and DS so it's not that I'm not capable of booking things/finding my way round etc but would probably miss company .

RiftGibbon · 07/11/2022 16:59

Drive a long distance no, but I'd happily make relevant travel arrangements.
The others are fine.

WakingUpDistress · 07/11/2022 17:00

Well…..

  • I couldn’t live independently on my own. DH has taken over most if the physical household stuff, incl cooking. I’d struggle on my win and would very carefully organised paid help. I’d be worried of a drop in my quality if life tbh.
  • travel. Yep can travel on my own as such but again would be serious adjustments
  • couldn’t drive long distances and haven’t do so for years.
Basically being chronically ill /disabled has restricted my ability to do many things.

It doesn’t mean I can’t adult anymore and have regressed to a child state.

id say that whilst your questions was fair, it can also be quite loaded….

Shitfather · 07/11/2022 17:01

Super-independent. Single mum. Ex was a useless cunt. I do all of the things you mention without hesitation.

WakingUpDistress · 07/11/2022 17:02

There are many reasons why one would struggle with those tasks and be ‘reliant’ on their partner.

Most of which do not say ANYTHING about the ability of the person, their worth or their ability to stand in their two DP feet in their own.

legophoenix · 07/11/2022 17:02

Can do all of these things and have done since I was 17 yrs old. Most people I know can do all these things too.

However - my MIL has never lived on her own, would not ever travel alone and wouldn't drive a long distance. She even used to take my FIL into every doctors appointment!! They literally did everything together from the minute they got married. Sadly he passed away a few years ago and she was forced into doing everything alone which I think was very difficult for her. Although she would still not drive a long distance or travel alone.
Her best friend is the same but worse. Since her husband died a few years ago she has never spent a night alone as one of her children is always at the house with her. She also won't drive on the motorway at all so she is limited in that respect.

Interested to know why you're asking.

applespearsbears · 07/11/2022 17:02

I could but I don't want to

DWMoosmum · 07/11/2022 17:04

Yep, done all of those.

Bought a flat at 30, although I lived alone in rented accommodation from 18 years old.

Travelled to the middle east a couple of times on my own, tough for a nervous flyer.

My family lived down south, still do, whilst I live up north (ish) so do the drive plenty of times on my own.

I've wired plugs, decorated, carpeted, done carpentry, and pretty much been independent my whole life. I'm married now and still very much capable.

HotWashCycle · 07/11/2022 17:05

I have done all of those things, and wouldn't think anything of it. Why the question?

PauliString · 07/11/2022 17:05

I have difficulty sorting out home tech problems. Part of this is probably because DS and DH are utter tech junkies and if there’s a more complicated way of doing something, that’s how they set it up. Left to myself, everything would plug into the same spot all the time and have labels on the damn cables.

(I have a physics PhD. Their systems still defeat me.)

blacksax · 07/11/2022 17:06

Unless the OP has started a thread on a forum elsewhere on the interweb asking men the exact same questions, then the whole tone of the OP is fundamentally biased and deeply sexist.

JorisBonson · 07/11/2022 17:06

All of these things. I very much want DH in my life, but I don't need or rely on him. God forbid but I'm very aware he may not be there one day.

PauliString · 07/11/2022 17:06

Happy to drive, chisel, bank, rewire, etc though. I just seem to be in a 2010 or so tech time warp.

LoungeAct · 07/11/2022 17:06

Yes, yes, and I could if I had to (and have done) but I don’t like driving so my husband always drives if we go anywhere

Beezknees · 07/11/2022 17:07

I have been single for 14 years. I rely on a partner for nothing.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 07/11/2022 17:08

I'm single and have been for years. I don't rely on anyone for anything and it's fantastic.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/11/2022 17:09

I don't drive so clearly I'm not a real adult but I travel long distances by public transport, holiday alone Inc recently going on a European coach trip without DH or the kids,

Why do yo u want to know @Alwaysonyonsn ?

TheSausageKingofChicago · 07/11/2022 17:09

I don’t have a partner and get along just fine. I’m not very good at compromise so it’s easier for me this way.

ThreeRingCircus · 07/11/2022 17:15

I have done all of those things in the past, I just prefer to do them with DH.

I enjoyed living alone, but did find always coming home to an empty house got lonely at times. I liked the independence though and having my flat exactly as I wanted it.

I have done a few holidays where I didn't know anyone else but went on an organised group trip so I got to know people through that. I suppose perhaps that doesn't count but I now fantasise about a quiet holiday in the sun.... just me, a book and a glass of wine. I'm perpetually busy with young DC though so that definitely plays into it!

I have driven long distances by myself but find driving quite stressful so prefer to do that with DH to share the driving. I could do it if I wanted or needed to though.

I like to think I don't rely on DH for anything and could cope just fine on my own if I had to. I like having him around though!