How independent are you?

[Alwaysonyonsn]

Could you (for example)

• Live by yourself?
• Travel alone?
• Drive a long distance?

Or are you very reliant on your partner?

One of my big regrets is that I never truly had my own place where I lived alone, even for a short period of time.

The other two - yes and yes.

I'm a single mother. Very independent!! Took DS(8) to London at half term and was teaching him how to use the Tube etc so he can be independent getting around too when he wants to visit by himself or with friends.

I have been with my partner my whole adult life.
He goes away with work for 3-4 months at a time and is difficult to contact and I seem to survive.

I dont drive long distances though. I use public transport

I can do all of those.

No, no and no due to disability. And those who say they'd never be dependent upon anyone - there before the grace of god...

I count myself extremely fortunate to have a DH whom I can depend upon.

Anxiety, physical incapacity and/or financial constraints are the only things that stop anyone from doing those things aren’t they? None of us is truly independent (we get sick, need help occasionally) but otherwise yes, to all.

I wouldn't want to now, simply because I have the choice, but I could and have done all those things alone.

I could do all those things, but have to say, I wouldn't really want to! It's not that I'm incapable but I hate my own company and much prefer to be around others, whether friends, family or partner. I have travelled alone and would be fine driving long distances on my own, but I've never lived on my own.

My DH died suddenly last year. I can do the first 2 things on your list (I have never been able to drive) but it was a lot better when there was someone to share it with.
But, if you had asked me early last year, I probably would have said I couldn’t do these things on my own. I had to get used to it quickly and become more independent.

I don’t currently but think I could live alone. My dh travels and I have no problem being alone for long stretches of time in a very isolated house.

I drive locally and used to drive long distance but I am out of practice.

I have travelled alone to Far East and the States

😀

OP, those are very minor markers of ‘independence for 2022, which is why you’re getting the responses you’re getting — it seems quite strange that you regard these things as signs of independence.

Then again, maybe you’re gearing it to the posters who ask on a fairly regular basis about whether it would be ‘weird’ to go to the cinema alone, or who say they couldn’t imagine eating solo in a restaurant.

I can’t drive, but as DH works away a lot, I’m certainly not dependent on him, but walk or cycle or use public transport everywhere. I spent ten years living half the year in a different country to him for work. I also spent a year living on an otherwise uninhabited island. I love travelling alone. And walking solo — I’ve done several long-distance paths.

To me, all of those things are so obviously part of life I cant imagine otherwise, but my DM would hate to do them alone and relies on her DH to take charge a bit with it.

My dear departed DF was similar.

I think they have come from one of the last generations where people married young and lived together straight from home being more the norm. My DH had always lived with a wife/partner and struggled alot when he found himself single in his late 50s.

The first few responses are very arsey/faux bewildered -I have personally done all 3 but I know loads of people who haven't/wouldn't dream of doing either.

I know people who won't go to the gym/the shops/wait inside a pub or restaurant for friends if they are the first one to attend/drive somewhere new/go on a motorway alone.

I posted on here once about hearing someone in a queue next to me refusing to go to the car (their parking was up) while her dh stayed in the queue because she didn't want to go on her own, and was told I was completely unreasonable to query this and it was an entirely normal thing to be anxious about!

I have lived alone both here and abroad (traveling solo) and drove 300 miles last week. I wouldn't say I'm particularly independent but am when necessary.

Actually, I don’t do anything alone now, because I have DC, but in some ways it would be easier to live and travel alone than with them. When DH was alive it was sometimes possible to do things on my own in peace and quiet while they were with him.

What? All those things and more. Love spending time on my own!

I could but I'm glad to have someone to share the load with

Yes.

I went travelling in my early twenties, which started with a boyfriend and ended up without him quite quickly. I carried on for the next 6 months, was absolutely fine, and would 100% do it again. I'm considering taking the DC away interrailing for a month over the summer as I've got a sabbatical coming up at work.

I regularly drive long distances on my own; in fact DH does not have a driving licence. During lockdown I quite happily took myself off to do a 6hr round trip to collect DSS, it was a much better option than wrangling the hordes 😁

I have not had the opportunity to live on my own. I am quite sad about this.

Why do you ask OP? Are you unable to do these things? I had a slightly disturbing conversation with my mother a few months ago, she is unable to do any of the things you listed. She also has no money of her own, years ago although she worked PT she allowed my Father to take full control of all the finances.

She was basically warning me not to do what she did, as she is now 100% reliant on him. He is not nasty to her, but even though they are very well off could not book a holiday to go away by herself as she has no access to money other than one credit card which he reads the statement of.

I advised her to take baby steps to become more independent and said to her imagine he died tomorrow. You would be able to cope, but better to start learning how to now.

What a very strange question. Most grown-ups have done or could do all of those things if necessary (unless they don't drive, in which case there is always public transport).

Of course, there are some people whose partner does not allow them to do anything unaccompanied, and that is a different matter altogether.

I cannot imagine being dependant on my husband for any of those things.

Have just flown to UK from NZ, collected a hire car and it was not difficult. Gets a bit lonely though.

What's the point of this thread op?

@FallingLeaves1111 - are you also advising your father to relinquish some control, and let his life partner have some autonomy? I certainly would be.

Journo?

If by living alone you mean as sole adult then all three.
Haven't quite got my twenty somethings to move out yet.

Also go to the cinema, theatre etc. on my own.
Don't tend to go to a pub on my own as I associate pubs with social activity on the odd occasion I do drink outside the house.

Having said that when I was still in a relationship it did end up with me losing my self confidence and thinking I needed his help/support/guidance when I really didn't. In hindsight him dumping me was the best thing he did in those last years.