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Original poster

WWYD - hate group set up about DD12

90 replies

Freeekedout · 06/11/2022 23:07

Last week, DD12 discovered a WhatsApp group had been set up about her. She isn't in the group, but someone told her about it and very quickly showed her the group info so that DD saw who created it and the names of the girls in it. The girls are in DD's year group at the same school. DD didn't see the messages, but given the title of the group was the word 'hate' followed by DD's name, it's pretty obvious that the purpose of the group was to be unkind.

DD informed the school and I have also spoken to them. They say they are 'investigating' but told me that I won't be informed of sanctions for the individuals that are in the group. They also said that I could make a complaint to the police.

DD is understandably upset and I'm furious. DD is a hard worker, doesn't have a mean bone in her body and has done absolutely nothing to deserve this. There is no anti bullying policy on the school website so I don't know what steps the school should be taking to deal with the perpetrators.

Had it not been for someone telling DD about the group this could have continued and who knows where it could've ended. School seems reluctant to deal with online bullying and going to the police seems extreme.

What would you expect to happen? WWYD?

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 06/11/2022 23:13

I would inform the police personally. They may not do anything at this point, but I would be concerned that things might escalate. I am sorry this has happened. Technology has made bullying so much easier and more nasty.

onepieceoflollipop · 06/11/2022 23:15

I would ask for a face to face meeting at the school and ask that the safeguarding lead plus head of year or equivalent senior staff member be present.
I would ask for written details of their bullying and child safeguarding policies. If they have none I would escalate higher to a more senior person.
I would state clearly and assertively that I am not asking for confidential updates about sanctions or punishments for individual children but I am asking for the behaviour policy which should outline the sanctions that the school impose for various behaviour.
if I could, I would take another adult with me for support.
i would follow up the meeting with a written email summary.
Depending on how nasty the content was, I might tentatively look further into contacting the police.

ellieboolou · 06/11/2022 23:15

Personally if it was me I'd be taking it further than the school and contacting the police if only to have a record of it. It may seem extreme, but you need to let these bullies know you are on them and will not tolerate it.
Hope your dd is ok

Falmerjeans · 06/11/2022 23:15

I'm fairly sure the policy is supposed to be on the website. You should certainly be able to see it. Ask.

Feetache · 06/11/2022 23:16

We had this with boys at our school. The whole lot got hauled in and parents too. Got sanctions. Whole year group were warned about sanctions for these things.
Tough for schools as at the end of the day it's out of hours

Icecreamandapplepie · 06/11/2022 23:16

Bloody hell.

No good advice but what an awful thing. How hurtful and vicious. So sorry 💐

onepieceoflollipop · 06/11/2022 23:18

In contrast, my dd’s school take this kind of behaviour extremely serious and they seem to go in hard on such behaviour. This seems to give the students a clear understanding of where the line is and they nip any issues in the bud. Sometimes I think they are a bit too harsh but generally it keeps the bullying to a minimum and if it occurs it is addressed effectively. Which of course keeps children safe.Your poor dd, thank goodness she felt able to tell you

Original poster
Freeekedout · 06/11/2022 23:19

Do you mind if I ask what sanctions there were?

Sorry it's happened with boys at your school too.

OP posts:
Endwalker · 06/11/2022 23:19

Have a look at your school's cyberbullying/cyber safety policy and make sure they follow it when dealing with this issue, the policy should also tell you how to escalate it if needed.

RiftGibbon · 06/11/2022 23:29

onepieceoflollipop · 06/11/2022 23:15

I would ask for a face to face meeting at the school and ask that the safeguarding lead plus head of year or equivalent senior staff member be present.
I would ask for written details of their bullying and child safeguarding policies. If they have none I would escalate higher to a more senior person.
I would state clearly and assertively that I am not asking for confidential updates about sanctions or punishments for individual children but I am asking for the behaviour policy which should outline the sanctions that the school impose for various behaviour.
if I could, I would take another adult with me for support.
i would follow up the meeting with a written email summary.
Depending on how nasty the content was, I might tentatively look further into contacting the police.

Lots of good advice here. Whilst this didn't happen IN school necessarily, it relates to pupils at the school and their behaviour. The only issue I can potentially see is that a bullying policy would explain that bullying is physical or verbal attack on a person. It may not cover explicitly what happens when the person is not directly being 'attacked' (in thos case a chat where the victim is not involved in the discussion but is a subject of discussion.
If there have been instances where what has happened in the 'chat' have spilled over into behaviour at school or direct communication with your DD then absolutely they have to do something.
The fact that the relevant policy doesn't appear to be on the website is concerning.

Original poster
Freeekedout · 06/11/2022 23:30

Thank you. There is some really good advice here. I've thought about nothing else all weekend and don't want to act irrationally, so all of your replies are really helpful. DD has been amazing, I'm so proud of her. I don't want to do anything that might make things worse (if that's even possible).

OP posts:
Original poster
Freeekedout · 06/11/2022 23:36

RiftGibbon · 06/11/2022 23:29

Lots of good advice here. Whilst this didn't happen IN school necessarily, it relates to pupils at the school and their behaviour. The only issue I can potentially see is that a bullying policy would explain that bullying is physical or verbal attack on a person. It may not cover explicitly what happens when the person is not directly being 'attacked' (in thos case a chat where the victim is not involved in the discussion but is a subject of discussion.
If there have been instances where what has happened in the 'chat' have spilled over into behaviour at school or direct communication with your DD then absolutely they have to do something.
The fact that the relevant policy doesn't appear to be on the website is concerning.

Show quote history

It is a group of girls who catch the same school bus as DD and there have been a couple of issues with one of the girls in the past that DD'S Head of Year is aware of.

I've searched loads over the weekend and can't find anything about what to do if a group is set up about you, but without you in it. It makes proving anything very difficult, although luckily I have obtained a screen shot of the group name and its participants (which I have shared with the school).

OP posts:
jamontoastaddict · 06/11/2022 23:37

I'm not sure the Benefit of knowing the sanctions put in place. If the school assure you it has been dealt with then It either stops or it doesn't and then you go back to the schools and complain. I don't think that a behaviour policy will tell you how they would deal with this incident.

Do you feel the school told you to call the police to fob you off?

Have you got this in writing? Id put it in an email and send it to whomever is dealing with it along the lines of "just to confirm our conversation we had about ....

MightyOaks · 06/11/2022 23:39

endofthelinefinally · 06/11/2022 23:13

I would inform the police personally. They may not do anything at this point, but I would be concerned that things might escalate. I am sorry this has happened. Technology has made bullying so much easier and more nasty.

What on earth would the police do? It's horrendous but it's not a crime. Police are not headteachers

Original poster
Freeekedout · 06/11/2022 23:40

Yes, it felt like the school was saying there wasn't anything they could do with cyber bullying and that it's a police matter.

OP posts:
MightyOaks · 06/11/2022 23:41

@Freeekedout Personally, I would keep her off school until this matter is resolved. For her safety. I was horrendously bullied in high school and so I know first hand how far it can go

Alexandernevermind · 06/11/2022 23:45

I would certainly go to the police. For one it forces the school to take the bullying seriously- for a child I knew it became a sort of hate crime to target one particular child once police had got involved as the bullying had become so regular. For another a knock on the door by a pc will make the little buggers and their parents sit up and take note.

CrotchetyQuaver · 06/11/2022 23:45

I think you may also need to obtain screen shots of the group chat as evidence before it all gets deleted

BobbyBobbyBobby · 06/11/2022 23:48

Keep an eye on the kid that told your daughter. They are no friend.

GinIronic · 06/11/2022 23:49

Cyber bullying is a hate crime covered by several pieces of legislation. I would definitely tell the police.

onepieceoflollipop · 06/11/2022 23:49

Further guidance on whether to contact police. There is a checklist (user friendly) with options - see screenshot.

my interpretation is that you definitely could report.

WWYD - hate group set up about DD12
onepieceoflollipop · 06/11/2022 23:50

It’s from W Mids Police website ^^

MrsMorrisey · 06/11/2022 23:51

Bloody hell. Poor thing. I was a victim of this when I was 13 but it was on paper and put in my letterbox.
I would be showing the police and get advice from them if it's advisable to contact the parents.
Definitely talk to the principal and hold them accountable for their policy.
Do not let them get away with this.
Nothing more scary than an angry mother!!
My mum contacted all of their parents and they got in so much trouble. They left me alone after that.

MrsMorrisey · 06/11/2022 23:53

BobbyBobbyBobby · 06/11/2022 23:48

Keep an eye on the kid that told your daughter. They are no friend.

Why do you say that? Wouldn't you want to know to save any future embarrassment?

TheArtfulStodger · 06/11/2022 23:54

Something similar is happening to my DD11, but it's in part because due to her special needs, she has managed to piss off pretty much her entire form, and several others from her year group. School appear to be doing something but tomorrow I'll be following it up to find out what they're doing, both to support my DD with her impulsive, odd behaviours, and with the other children who think my DD is fair game to bully.