WWYD - hate group set up about DD12

[Freeekedout]

Last week, DD12 discovered a WhatsApp group had been set up about her. She isn't in the group, but someone told her about it and very quickly showed her the group info so that DD saw who created it and the names of the girls in it. The girls are in DD's year group at the same school. DD didn't see the messages, but given the title of the group was the word 'hate' followed by DD's name, it's pretty obvious that the purpose of the group was to be unkind.

DD informed the school and I have also spoken to them. They say they are 'investigating' but told me that I won't be informed of sanctions for the individuals that are in the group. They also said that I could make a complaint to the police.

DD is understandably upset and I'm furious. DD is a hard worker, doesn't have a mean bone in her body and has done absolutely nothing to deserve this. There is no anti bullying policy on the school website so I don't know what steps the school should be taking to deal with the perpetrators.

Had it not been for someone telling DD about the group this could have continued and who knows where it could've ended. School seems reluctant to deal with online bullying and going to the police seems extreme.

What would you expect to happen? WWYD?

I would be wary about jumping in too soon put it that way.
As tempting as it is to go out all guns blazing, please don't.

Your dd is watching, how you handle this will shape how she will manage similar problems. Calm, considered and not over reacting whilst ensuring that it is being addressed robustly at school is probably the best approach for your child. This is not about you, or your impatience (as I know I would feel the same) It is about ensuring your child can go into school once this has been dealt with, and be able to continue her school life without police investigations, escalation that overwhelms her within school and it all becomes anything but helpful.

After all, if she hadn't been informed of the WA group she would none the wiser!

No advice but I'm so angry on your behalf. Kick the bullies out of school let their education suffer. Let their parents deal with the heartache or having to miss work to sort out their vile child.
I'm sick to death of seeing posts where the bullies can still live their lives.
Imho they should get ONE warning then kick them out. Why has this stance not changed in forever?

We need to remember we don't actually know the content of the messages - threatening children after school, contacting the police without evidence of malicious messages (you will need some evidence that the WA msgs are indeed 'malicious') could make things worse.

Just wait and see what happens. If you can get a copy of the messages in the meantime that would be great, I don't know if you know the other parent of your dd's friend? And you can ask for them?

T

I want to reassure you that the children (14 years old) involved in this kind of thing at our local school were suspended and one was eventually expelled at my sister's school. Some schools do deal with it very robustly.

I am @coffeeisthebest

I remember the mother of a child who was being bullied doing this when we were at school. She waited in a lay by by school and she jumped out in front of me and a friend.

We weren’t actually involved in the bullying - although I was friends with some of the ringleaders.

The mother was terrifying though and she confronted a few children that day. I remember being quietly impressed - and it seemed to work. I wouldn’t hesitate to do the same.

You need to go to the police. Online bullying and harassment like this is very, very serious and can be deadly for the victim. Please go to the police and at least scare these bullies into not making the same mistake again. Just going to the school and getting the school give a half-assed punishment will just piss the bullies off more, make them hate your daughter more, but won’t scare them out of further bullying.

TheArtfulStodger I hope you managed to sort your DD's issues at school today.

I haven't heard from DD's school, which is very disappointing.

Just wanted to say I’m so sorry about what’s happened to your dd. I’m just shocked that the school is no help at all. But just one more thing… I check my dd phone all the time, so I’m just wondering that those kids parents just let them use their phone without supervision?! That’s just lazy parenting.
I really hope it will be sorted out soon and personally I would go to the police too. Good luck

How's your DD, OP?

So, quick update...

School are sort of dealing with it, that's still ongoing. It's got back to DD that not everyone who was in the group will receive a sanction 😡 They won't tell me what sanctions have been imposed either, so as far as my DD is concerned, there is not justice at school. School did say going to the police would be effective so I took DD to the police station tonight.

Police station was shut (used to be a 24-hour one). So called non emergency number to get some advice. First thing he asked when he heard it was on WhatApp was how old is DD. He said minimum age for WhatsApp is 16. Then he asked what the messages said and I explained that she's not in the group but knows that the group was called "hate DDname group" and we have a little video of the group and some of the first messages (which were all about 'make me an admin'). The operator basically said we didn't have any proof of what was said so no crime had been committed and there wasn't anything they could do.

I feel awful for DD. They're told to report cyber bullying, but unless the messages are directed AT you (rather than just being about you), there is no proof and the police won't take your complaint seriously.

Good luck to anybody who finds themselves in the same situation. It's awful that our kids aren't protected when they are at their most vulnerable. My heart breaks for DD, it really does.

Ach, OP. That sounds hugely disappointing. to you and your DD.

Hopefully the school's 'dealing' with it will put a stop to it. And the police have logged it in some way?

Maybe something in here will be of use:

www.nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk/cyberbullying.html

There was no point logging it with the attitude he had. He was totally unsympathetic and didn't have any advice to offer.

Thanks for the link, I found it the other day. Unfortunately you have to pay to access their guides.

Yes, sorry, I saw that on further digging!

some other resources that are free ...

www.kidscape.org.uk/
www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline-and-webchat
anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information
www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying/

It's rubbish that the police officer was unhelpful. Sending my best.

If you’re unhappy with the police response - and I would be - you can go to the police station and ask to speak to the duty inspector.

I feel awful for DD. They're told to report cyber bullying, but unless the messages are directed AT you (rather than just being about you), there is no proof and the police won't take your complaint seriously.

I don't think that's strictly the case. We had a phone call from the police re. things that had been put online about her and others in her year. The police had the messages and I think there were videos too. The odd thing is DD knew nothing about it, another parent had found out and had gone to the police. We don't know the extent of what had been been posted, the policeman offered to show us, although he advised against it. DD was adamant that she didn't want to know. The police handled it very well, the school actually has two coppers who have links with the school. The school were rubbish about it.