WWYD - hate group set up about DD12

[Freeekedout]

Last week, DD12 discovered a WhatsApp group had been set up about her. She isn't in the group, but someone told her about it and very quickly showed her the group info so that DD saw who created it and the names of the girls in it. The girls are in DD's year group at the same school. DD didn't see the messages, but given the title of the group was the word 'hate' followed by DD's name, it's pretty obvious that the purpose of the group was to be unkind.

DD informed the school and I have also spoken to them. They say they are 'investigating' but told me that I won't be informed of sanctions for the individuals that are in the group. They also said that I could make a complaint to the police.

DD is understandably upset and I'm furious. DD is a hard worker, doesn't have a mean bone in her body and has done absolutely nothing to deserve this. There is no anti bullying policy on the school website so I don't know what steps the school should be taking to deal with the perpetrators.

Had it not been for someone telling DD about the group this could have continued and who knows where it could've ended. School seems reluctant to deal with online bullying and going to the police seems extreme.

What would you expect to happen? WWYD?

I am sorry this is horrible. My advice is always to first go to the most senior person ie the head. If you go lower down and it’s not dealt with then it gets awkward going over to their superior.

Isolations for key ones

And parents had to go in

Thank you. Helps to have an idea of what might be reasonably expected.

It's so wrong that the victims of bullying are silenced - the shame and embarrassment is awful. I want to post on the year group Facebook page about what these little darlings have done but I know I'd end up looking like a tit and making it worse for DD.

I may sound blunt but Ive got my problem solving head on but

this is a horrid situation.

If you call the police it turns it it into a community issue.

School have a legal duty of care for student to and from the school premises. I am certain I have been told this but do not know the legislation. If it Is happening school transport they are responsible in some extent. Look this up.

The safeguarding guidelines (KCSIE) are updated every year and recently these updates have focused on peer on peer abuse. Including I think cyber bullying and the impact this has in mental health.

There have been a number of high profile cases for cyber bullying and I would be researching these. At the inquest questions were raised about the school has t prevented this. Again this is case law and you need to research this.

Research and inform yourself of their duty of care and legal obligations to keep your child safe from harm and this included (mental health problems).

Email this to the head and DSL and the DDSL. DSL is the designated safeguarding lead and the DDSl is the deputy who may do all the day to day work.

Be polite and factual. Do not allow them to fob you off.

Do not post on Facebook or circulate the images.

Fairly sure the police won't be able to do anything and no crime has technically been committed. Its awful, yes. Horrible as a mother to experience this. The problem with malicious comms act is that it wasn't sent to the girl they're talking about. It is a private chat and talking about how much you hate someone (justified or not) isn't illegal. Cruel though. Very cruel. So sorry OP.

This is why I was thinking it might be best to deal with it through school.

Fab advice, will certainly quote KCSIE and high profile cases.

Won't hesitate to escalate to Governors if I need to.

I know. I've been sitting on my hands all weekend!

You don't need to know the sanctions put in place as it sounds like you want revenge or retribution. Also the Other party has the right to be safeguarded too and that includes not sharing details.

You just need to be ensure that it stops and that your child is happy.

Yep contact police and file a report. I had similar malicious communications issue with a DD when she was 15. We went down to the station and DD made a statement to the police in a private interview room. We showed them the digital evidence.

The police obviously can’t arrest 15-16yr olds for this, but they did go round to the children’s homes and had a chat with them and their parents. Gave them an informal caution. (This resulted in a few parents calling me to defend their precious darlings but I calmly said the police decided to visit them after seeing concrete evidence of what their child had done so go complain to the police, nothing to do with me or DD as she’s the victim here. The second they got all shouty and they did, I hung up and blocked them.)

This was also kids at school and on her bus and the police told my DD that if it ever escalated she was to call 999 as they have her on file as a vulnerable child as well as these kids names on file for anti-social behaviour. So they’d take her call seriously. This made her feel very safe taking the bus. No further issues or incidents.

Want to add, they borrowed DDs phone to copy the screenshots. It took 5mins and she got her phone back there and then.

i think you should follow the correct procedure and inform the police.

@MightyOaks its cyberbullying it is a crime - Communications Act.

That is disgusting. Poor girl.

I'd take DD and report to the police.
Then I'd get back to the school, no matter what the police response, and ask for the school's plans on how they intend to deal with it as well.
I wouldn't take my foot off the pedal until it's sorted.

I’d also report this to the police. They might talk to the children, which should make this stop.

I don't know if this might help, but Lizzie Velasquez has several books written to help children who are bullied as she was bullied online world wide for being the ugliest woman in the world. She has Facebook, Instagram and YouTube groups to offer advice and support and may be a good source of information on how to help your daughter through this.

Hardly slept all night. Not looking forward to walking with DD to the bus stop this morning. I can't imagine how she's feeling. Thank you ALL for your advice. It's really hit home just how awful this is.

Oh bless you... it IS horrible though but try not to let your DD see you're upset

it's great that she came to you about this, some kids bottle it all up inside

I wonder if you could get some clear advice from childline?

I'd be inclined to report it to the police using 101 online. They often have named PCSOs for schools or other links
Then I'd email the school head of safeguarding

I don’t suppose driving your dd is an option? And have you asked school how they’re going to safeguard her on the bus?

A couple of years ago we had an unexpected call from the police. Another parent had called them about some SM stuff that a group of boys had posted, DD was one of the kids who they were staying awful things about. The boys and their parents were spoken to, the police had arranged school sanctions with the school, but the school didn't carry them out 🙄Bizarrely DD knew nothing about the SM postings.
Recently we have had other SM issues, the school is hopeless, say it's a police matter and won't get involved. DD won't go to the police as she says she'd feel terrible ruining the girls uni chances etc, plus it's a group, so harder to stand up to. Also DD won't screenshot as she says the posters will realise. Some of these kids are actually adults too, which is depressing.

Your post was so promising, ByTheGrace. Great that the police were so proactive but what a shame about the school. Can't believe some of the people involved now are adults. Your poor DD.

That's really awful. I hope the school does something - maybe you don't have the right to know what punishments individual children received, but you could ask them what they've done to ensure that she won't be targeted by these children again and to ensure she feels safe at school and on the bus. Move the children to different classes? Disrupt seating plans? chaperone on the bus? Mentor for your DD to go to specifically whenever she feels she needs to?

I don't know how What'sApp works right now as I've not joined any groups for a while, but could be worth double checking whether people have to accept an invitation to join or whether they can be added by anyone who has their phone number. That would leave a plausible defense for someone that they'd not participated, but just been added, or perhaps joined but didn't know what it was about (titles can be changed afterwards, so they might not have known to start with). Unlikely to be true, but could be used as their excuse - so get screen shots if you can of who is actively participating. You might also be able to tell who hsa seen the messages - not sure how you can tell with group chats, though.

@ByTheGrace I take it this is Snapchat. Here are ways around it. If your dd changes her mind, I would pick a method and test it by downloading Snapchat on your phone and practice using messages between yourselves.
www.mksguide.com/screenshot-snapchat-no-notification/