I can’t remember my life before Covid. In lockdown 1 my BiL died at age 57. It was at the beginning of lockdown and I think we were people’s first experience of being banned from a funeral and we got a lot a negative pushback at a really difficult time. At the same time my DF who had been holding cancer at bay was rushed to hospital with a serious downturn and we began months of waiting in the car park or at the end of a phone to know if he had survived. Knowing you’re dying but having no human contact, proper healthcare and being unable to see the people you want is beyond cruel and so very hard to watch. The day the politicians were having their Christmas party I was pacing a hospital car park waiting to find out if my DF had died, I wanted to be with him, I couldn’t be; cheers Boris.
My dad suffered and nearly all my friends didn’t even ask how he was or how I was despite them knowing him and living in the same very small town. He died in lockdown 2. I had to lay him out, no one came to help us, it was not a peaceful death. He had a tiny funeral. My best friend didn’t acknowledge his death and never has.
Then my 16 son quit school very depressed about schooling and about his DGF. My daughter has a neurodiversity which, due to lockdown became much worse as doing everything online was a disaster for her and she became obsessed with Tiktok etc, met some dodgy men online. She has been brainwashed to the point where she quit university and converted to Islam last week (nothing wrong with Islam at all but she’s not of sound mind so it’s not a decision made in the right way). We are terrified of who is controlling her but she won’t talk to us. She plans to travel to Morocco alone. There is very little help for your child if they are an adult in the eyes of the law.
If Covid hadn’t happened things would have been so different and she would have had regular monitoring from the medical profession. Her mental health has fallen apart but she is not in crisis so she awaits a psychiatric assessment. She owes £8k we discovered this week, all built up during Covid. My husband was diagnosed with cancer and didn’t receive timely treatment, I don’t know what will happen to him. We are both self employed so received no help and his earnings have reduced 80%.
Am I bitter - yes I fucking am. Do I want to punch people who say Lockdown was great - yes. Am I envious of people whose biggest Covid problem was boredom - yes I am. Did people have it worse than me - yes sadly. Who do I blame? - no one, because it is no one’s fault.
i used to be sociable but now I don’t bother. What do I say to friends “by the way my dad died”? I can’t even remember what my life was like before.