What's it like to be really, really overweight?

[sloanedanger]

This isn't meant to be goady.

I have issues with binge eating and often have days weeks where I eat far too much - snacks mainly. I eat several packets of crisps on the trot, several biscuits. This has gotten so much worse since WFH, I graze from lunchtime onwards. I can follow a full day of eating, snacking and dinner with toast late night.

I enjoy desperately need it for my mental health exercise, mainly running, so I think decades of this together with fairly healthy meals day-to-day, not much alcohol and being quite tall have kept me from being too overweight, although at 5"7 I'm borderline (BMI is almost 25).

I often wonder, genuinely, what it must be like to just eat whatever you want, whenever you want, 24/7, without care at all for weight gain. I hate feeling heavy, which I really do at the moment; I feel bloated constantly, uncomfortable in my stomach, hate seeing myself naked in the mirror and my running has definitely slowed because I'm carrying a few extra lbs. But it's not enough to stop me binge snacking so I can see how easy it is to gain the weight if you also don't exercise and are more genetically dispositioned to it.

I also wonder what one eats to become so overweight. I have friends who are obese and they eat much less than me on meals out, or takeaway nights in. I always feel like the greediest friend in a group of people. I went for dinner with a couple of friends who are overweight recently, and they both left half their meals.

I used to weigh 23 stone and was a dress size 22/24 (people are always shocked I wasn’t a bigger size at that weight but I am heavy - when I was a size 8 I still weighed 10 stone - I am 5’4”).

I put on 12 stone in around 4 years. I was
really depressed. I ate quite a bit of greggs. Drank most nights. Just ate shit really.

I was always a fat child as my mum thought fat children meant healthy children, she used to make me eat so much. I was a fat teen too, lost it all at age 20 and was a size 8 and 10
stone until I was 34. But it was hard. I had to eat very carefully or I can gain half a stone in a week.

I’ve lost 7 stone over the last 3 and a half years - there’s been a pregnancy in that time where I didn’t gain a pound, I stayed the same thought out.

I’m losing now by juat not eating shit or anything processed.

I wouldn’t have stuffed myself on a night out either. I used to eat and cry in solitude. That was just me though, everyone is different.

I'm really really overweight. I weigh over 20st. I've gained this over a period of about 20 years- at 20, while never slim, I weighed about 12 stone and was a size 14 to 16. I am now a size 24. This is less than half a stone a year. It creeps up on you. I don't stuff my face ever but I do snack a bit too much, drink a bit too much wine and I've never learned to enjoy exercise.
It doesn't really feel like anything, I'm perfectly mobile and have no issue doing stuff with the kids etc. But it has crept up slowly so I don't know what thin feels like.
It is embarrassing. I don't enjoy being the biggest person in the room. Can't seem to make any diet stick though.

People also spoke to me and treated me like I was thick.

I don’t get that anymore now that I am down to a size 16, and I never once had that when I was slim.

So for a lot of people fat = stupid.

I'm a size 20 and don't binge eat.

I do have a desk job though, don't like exercise, like a glass of wine or cider and a couple of biscuits or a bar of chocolate. It creeps up gradually. I don't sit there stuffing my face and do eat plenty of veg - I just eat my fair share of other stuff too.

Thanks for starting this thread OP.

I'm age 24 - I don't even think about what goes in my mouth anymore. I just eat and eat. Sugary carbs. Savoury stuff. Just constantly snacking and eating

My mum is morbidly obese and weighs much less than me - but as a previous poster said, it creeps up on you unless you go into deficient or maintain the weight

So by definition; I would one day be bigger than my mum (17 stone) if I don't stop this.

I'm a carer to a disabled child and my eating habits have got worse the harder his care needs have got.

Don't worry about other people, focus on your own food and body image problems.

"What one eats ..." I can tell you, it's eating a lot! For many years I felt as though my 'full sensor' was broken, as I could simply keep eating without ever feeling full. Now I'm in my 50s and my 'full sensor' is working, my portion size has decreased massively. But I still snack. Other people probably make a packet of fig rolls last a week; for me it's a day or two if I'm being good. That kind of thing.

I gained 4 stone over 3 years due at least in part to undiagnosed hypothyroidism. I can assure you it is horrible - painful, exhausting, depressing - to become obese when you've previously been fit and slim. Other people's unwelcome opinions about your situation are deeply upsetting too.

I am a grazer too op and have gained a bit of weight recently which is slowly coming off. I think the key for me not doing that is actually making sure I'm eating enough throughout the day. Stops me from falling face first into the biscuit tin.

I have had eating disorders in the past, so dieting / restricting my food can backfire one way or another, so I am trying really hard to just work on eating to fullness

I'm really overweight and have been for a long time. In fact most of my life. My mum was a war baby and fed me far too much. Weaned onto egg at 6 weeks!! Not allowed ever to leave food. My mid life was OK. I excersised and was a 16/18 which at 6 ft was fine. Never short of blokes ,if I wanted. Over the next 40 years my weight was up and down through 2 pregnancies. I could always drop a stone quickly if I wanted.However as I got older, I'm now 70 , and it's its so bloody hard to loose any weight. I have 3 small meals and thats it. No snacks etc . As I live in Spain it's easy to drink. Gin 10 euros a litre, wine maybe 3 euros a bottle....could be less than a euro! So that's my downfall. I just wish I could eat more food food,

You don’t sound like you have to worry about being really overweight. But it can creep up over the years and mostly the result of binge eating - in my case after giving up drinking and smoking in a bid to be healthy after having kids ha ha. But actually put on about 5 stone in a couple of years that pushed me from being biggish but fit to being morbidly obese. It really takes a toll on your life but I have been lucky enough to shed that weight and more. I am still heavy but a baggy size 14 not a 26 and wish I had done it years ago.

I also wonder what one eats to become so overweight. I have friends who are obese and they eat much less than me on meals out, or takeaway nights in

presumably they don’t eat in public because they feel people judge them. Stops the “no wonder you’re fat”…. I know I always eat less when I ‘m around new people. I started a new job a couple of weeks ago and they think I’m some sort of health freak because I’ve been turning down the chocolate and cake out of embarrassment.

I eat whatever I want but the thing is that's not actually very much so guess that's why some people are very overweight and some not. My full switch is set very low clearly.

I was 16 stone at the beginning of the year. Im 5 foot 7 and aged 34. Got here entirely through binge eating which I’ve done since I was aged 15.

To be totally honest I am lucky I “just” got to 16 stone. Bags and bags of crisps a day, whole packet of biscuits, large takeaways multiple nights of the week, cake you name it I’ve been scoffing it.

Anyway…. nearly a stone down now, exercising every day at a high intensity at the gym. I can’t carry on like the above as my age is creeping up and I want to be healthy for my kids. To be honest the exercise has done my MH wonders. First time I’ve ever felt in control.

if I had carried on I would have been 20 stone by 40. Also I’ve always been attractive and the fat was ruining my looks. Good old vanity hey!!

It's hell.

And you don't eat without care for your weight gain.

I didn't anyways. I wfelt disgusting. I hated my body, I hated my weakness and addiction to food.
Its not that I didn't care, I believed I was too fat to change, so I may aswell carry on eating.

The food was covered in guilt and shame.

I was constantly embarrassed of myself. I didn't speak to people. I kept my head down. I wore the baggies stuff I could to hide. I didn't care what I looked like. I didn't wear make up or do my hair. Why polish a turd?

I wasn't a real person. I was trapped inside a prison of fat.

Nobody looked at me except to snigger or stare.

I felt invisible.

I'm now 10stone 10 and feel human again.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Like a PP, my weight is a gradual increase. I have a desk job, hate exercise. I don't binge eat but I like unhealthy foods, carbs, wine and cider.

@Pabski thats so sad, I’m so sorry you felt that way. Well done on your weight loss.

I think, for now anyway, my binge eating/snacking is balanced with occasional bouts of healthier eating and the healthy meals and exercise. I am 7-10lbs heavier than I’d like to be but I’ve maintained this roughly for a few years. I never lost all of the weight gained after DC2 and then lockdown made it worse. I’m in a bad cycle at the moment though, a long one and I can see it getting worse.

I probably need to eat more at meal times.

My problem is I’m addicted to ultra processed foods, a little bit of what I fancy = binging on it. So very difficult for me to have just one packet of crisps after a sandwich for lunch! But then banning foods doesn’t work for me either.

Interesting to read different lifestyles for when people are overweight. Well done on all the weight losses too! It’s so hard. Food is definitely emotional for lots of people, me included.

size 22/24 here dread ti think what I weigh.

I was a skinny healthy child - but recently mentioned on the recent sweets thread - we werent really allowed sweets or fizzy drinks or cake or anything as kids. My parents also have fairly small portions of food. I remember being amazed when my friend's mum opened two tins of beans for a family, not just the one we would have.

My brother and I both have an unhealthy attitude to food. I will eat whatever is there - but I know this so I limit what is there - we don't have snacks and sweets that I like in the house - the family get to eat them, but I don't. I am very guilty of finishing off what other people leave though. I can't see waste - another thing my parents did was to keep tiny spoonfuls of food in the fridge t heat another day and I wont do that - it is finished or there has to be enough for another meal. So I will eat it

It has been gradual though was slim teens and most of 20s, then out in weight in pregnancy and it has kept creeping up since then.

I also hate exercise - dont like getting sweaty, I walk the dog most days but delegate to a teenager child if I can. I did water aerobics a few times but they played awful duff duff music and I hated it.

I hate a buffet - fat bird at the buffet - never put much on the plate, never be seen going back for more for fear of the judgement

I feel my weight now. I never really used to but my knees hurt more, I struggle in a way i never used to. I can still potter round town all day and enjoy city breaks etc but I feel it all more.

I have hypothyroid too.
I am sure that i missed out on two jobs because of my size (fat = lazy, fat = off sick all the time).
I am invisible to some people, I simply don't count
I am thick/stupid to others

I am trying to lose weight again, I seem to have most success with slimming world - I know there is little science to prove it works, but it seems to initially work better than calorie counting, Once I have lost a bit through SW I will switch over to calorie control.

I don't want to be fat and people in here who sat 'really helpful' things like 'I what what I want' 'I eat in moderation' etc aren't helping - they're just making me feel like what's the point. I like food - I want to eat nice food not salad forever, other people manage it, why can't I? but it doesn't work and the weight creeps up again... so then I hate myself and think what the point... I will never be thin... and thus goes the cycle... as I finish the mash and gravy left on DS plate

OP I'm not going to offer a diagnosis to a stranger over the internet with few facts. However I would gently point out that a pattern of binge eating with exercise to compensate can be a classic presentation of bulimia. Often sufferers are not particularly overweight. I suffered from binge eating and bulimia for nearly 40 years. It's hell, whatever your weight.
I am forever grateful to the amazing mumsnetters who recommended Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen. Hoping I can pass on that kindness here. It's really worth a read xxx

I finish my kids’ leftovers too @downtonupton . I’m like a vulture,
Pounce as soon as there’s a whiff they won’t finish!

DP used to be really overweight (15+ years ago) and is a really healthy weight now. He used to binge like me, not as frequently, but for months he’s just been eating normally and he’s the lightest he’s been. He exercises quite a bit too like me. I really wish I could be like him but I can’t and find myself
eating in secret!

@echok ive definitely crossed into disordered eating, the frequency and nature that I binge.

I think I’ve got that book, there’s a podcast isn’t there? I’ve tried one or two, I need to do it more really. Is it a bit CBT in nature? I’ve never gotten on with CBT. I think I might have ADHD and the nature of my binges ties in.

@sloanedanger I actually had the book for several years before I actually sat down and read it. Yes there's a podcast on Spotify too, although I think the book is better.
It's not really CBT. The author feels strongly that 'traditional' therapies don't have the right approach. The focus is on elimination of the urge to binge. And it's a really simple technique. From a personal perspective it completely clicked for me and after 40 years I feel free from binge eating for the first time ever....
I know what torture binge eating is. Wishing you all the very best in finding freedom from it x

I read the book brain over binge with no success it was based mainly on ignoring the urge to binge. It was too simplistic for me but I’m glad it’s worked for others.

Antidepressants can help off label to curb impulsivity which is essentially what binge eating is. My brother is a cocaine/alcohol addict and I have a few members of my family who have died from various addiction’s.