What's it like to be really, really overweight?

[sloanedanger]

This isn't meant to be goady.

I have issues with binge eating and often have days weeks where I eat far too much - snacks mainly. I eat several packets of crisps on the trot, several biscuits. This has gotten so much worse since WFH, I graze from lunchtime onwards. I can follow a full day of eating, snacking and dinner with toast late night.

I enjoy desperately need it for my mental health exercise, mainly running, so I think decades of this together with fairly healthy meals day-to-day, not much alcohol and being quite tall have kept me from being too overweight, although at 5"7 I'm borderline (BMI is almost 25).

I often wonder, genuinely, what it must be like to just eat whatever you want, whenever you want, 24/7, without care at all for weight gain. I hate feeling heavy, which I really do at the moment; I feel bloated constantly, uncomfortable in my stomach, hate seeing myself naked in the mirror and my running has definitely slowed because I'm carrying a few extra lbs. But it's not enough to stop me binge snacking so I can see how easy it is to gain the weight if you also don't exercise and are more genetically dispositioned to it.

I also don’t eat takeaways (can’t afford them) and don’t drink (can’t afford it) but I’m still fat.

I often wonder, genuinely, what it must be like to just eat whatever you want, whenever you want, 24/7, without care at all for weight gain.

You have made a massive assumption here, when asking what it's like to be really overweight, that all people who are really overweight don't care about the weight gain.

Im autistic, obese and have very disordered eating. I literally can't control myself and I do eat until it hurts. I can't explain why I am like this. I understand on paper how to lose weight and how to eat better but realistically I just can't get it. I find many things I can understand but I can't put into practice though, it's not just that I don't want to. My brain isn't the same. I hate being overweight, it has negatively affected me on so many ways, but it is part of how autism affects me, not just me not caring about weight gain. It's very difficult knowing I should be able to do certain things but I can't, but please don't assume everyone who is overweight doesn't care

This has been a very interesting read.

Hey @sloanedanger you sound exactly like me! I had hovered at about 10lbs overweight for a while then got injured, and 2021 lockdown hit and I piled it on, just by as you say, eating exactly what I wanted, it was lovely in some ways! But then none of my clothes fitted which didn’t matter in lockdown! I turned 40 recently, and really didn’t want to be fat at 40 so have lost it all between March and July this year.

Mainly I used my fitness pal (and didn’t count my exercise calories), stopped buying as many treat foods and controlling my portions. Previously I would serve the same portion size as my husband with the argument we were both v active, but he needs more calories than me to just exist. I still buy treat food, but not as much and more ‘utility’ treat, so say custard creams rather than a bag of minstrels.

I’m also a runner, and seeing people I could normally beat start ti beat me, plus seeing looks of pity on peoples faces as I went past in my too small running gear really gave me a kick up the bum!

When I was slimmer as a child/teenager I actually wanted to put on weight. Nothing I tried would put weight on.

I didn't eat a huge amount of rubbish so typical diet as a teenager at home was:

Breakfast: crunchy nut cornflakes, semi skimmed or skimmed milk, mixed fruit, golden syrup (yes I know!).
Snacks: Rich tea or digestive biscuits - normally 2 with a cup of tea mid morning
Lunch: Mighty white sandwich with cheese and salad and margarine
Snacks: 1 large bag BBQ flavour hula hoops, apple and cheese, Creme caramel pot, 1 x Kit Kat, maybe 1 tube Fruit Pastilles
Dinner: Spaghetti Bolognese with garlic bread
Dessert: apple strudel with ice cream
Snack: late evening - cream crackers with cheese and cherry tomatoes

When at school swap the lunch for sandwiches eaten there or canteen food. I think I had sandwiches. After school obviously have usual crisps/chocolate/Ice Pops.

I walked a lot then. Walked the dog round the park but also to school etc. I did get buses too but we walked because you had to pay for the bus, not free, only short hops on the bus were free. We did do exercise at school but I hated it. Stuff like tennis, volleyball, dancing, athletics, rounders, netball, odd bit of swimming. Seemed to walk a lot in school and in my first secondary school had to walk to the upper school which was approx 10-15 minute walk.

At weekends or in school holidays I still swam a lot - mostly for fun, at seaside or in swimming pools. Was taken or went with friends. Also, ice skated once a week at weekends as local rink had a disco on Saturday afternoons. This was on and off, not every year!

Treat food:

Pizza when out (Deep Pan Pizza Company or Pizza Hut), McDs (my fave was cheese quarter pounder, fries and still Fanta). Popcorn when at cinema

When I started my first job at 17 (size 6-8 then) I'd often have:

Breakfast: quarter of baguette with garlic butter
Lunch: Jacket potato with filling (chilli con carne or cheese), or hummus and veggie sandwich but always with some sort of cake after it - artisan lemon cake (no icing)
Dinner: Ratatouille pasta bake, chilli con carne with rice etc, if being taken out to dinner by boyfriends (quite a lot!), full 3 course meal - usually posh Italian with wine/after dinner spirits
Snacks: chocolate bars or crisps on and off whenever I got out of work
Drinks: if out, Vodka and orange juice or vodka lemonade and lime

I recall in my 20s - at weekends I'd have a carton of e.g. New Covent Garden Broccoli and Stilton soup with bread for lunch. I did eat stuff then but was clubbing so lots of cocktails - Sea Breeze (vodka, grapefruit and cranberry juices).

At 18 I started a weekly aerobics class but walked a lot or got bus/train.

20s - worked in London so lots of public transport but walking with it. Did an aqua aerobics class a week plus swimming and also clubbing - which was 1, 2 or 3 times a week so loads of dancing.

I've always been quite active.

I do think (even though it doesn't look it) as a child/teenager I snacked a lot less. I recall coming in from playing out and getting a glass of water or apple. We did have a biscuit tin but were told not to spoil appetites by eating before dinner. we did have Eggy Bread etc but treats.

It's horrible. I was 27 stone, 10 years ago. I had weight loss surgery after years and years of dieting and lost 12 initially, but am currently 17 stone. 15 stone works for me, even though at 5ft 5in I'd still be obese.

I spent my late teens, twenties and most of my thirties getting fatter and fatter (and more and more depressed) because I had very poor eating habits. I spent thousands of pounds on crap food, binge eating and hiding the evidence. I'd go to McDonald's, order three meals and eat them. Boxes of cakes, whole baguettes spread with a whole block of butter.

I started comfort eating in the early 90's after I had an abortion - it started off that I was comfort eating in order to cope with the most overwhelming guilt at what I'd done, but in fact that was the straw that broke the camels back.

My mum took me to the Dr when I was eight and said "should I put her on 1000 calories a day?" The Dr said "No, I wouldn't put you on a thousand calories a day, she'll grow out of it". That wasn't enough for her and as a consequence I've been on "a diet" of some form or other for 40 years.

Physically, its so much harder to do stuff; fly, go to theme parks, buy clothes etc. I got sores under my breasts, my inner thighs would chafe until they bled, I felt that I had a lingering smell, despite showering twice daily.

Mentally it requires a thick skin, some people are unspeakably cruel (my DGM "You'd be beautiful if you were slim"), I always knew what I was going to eat next, I'd book weekends away (on my own) go to m&s, fill a trolley, and quietly, methodically eat everything locked in my room.

Emotionally, oh god...at 48 I'm almost there with sorting out the emotional stuff, its taken ten years of unpicking years of crooked thoughts, feeling worthless, to start feeling better.

I was utterly heartbroken by it. I couldn't continue, I couldn't work out how to solve the issue and felt very alone.

People who are experts in this area talk about genetic markers of obesity and also obesity as a disease. Of course lifestyle nowadays doesn’t help ie. more desk based work and constant advertising of food, but for no other health issue do we treat people like overweight people are treated. It’s wrong. Plus @madnesss has shared her story of how autism affects her eating.

I am a fat woman, have been varying degrees of fat all my life and diet culture fucked my eating habits and self esteem up MASSIVELY.

I am totally neutral about my body appearance - I don't hate how I look at all. It took many years to learn that I do not owe appearances or even good health to anyone. I have always been successful in my career, friendships, marriage and family. I am loved and love others.

I have only ever had one negative encounter with a health professional about my weight (highest 23 stone, currently about 19 - I don't weigh myself as a rule). Other health professionals don't mention it or again are always quite neutral and factual in how they discuss it, especially during pregnancy.

If someone wants to make judgements on my appearance and make assumptions on my lifestyle, I really could not give a shit.

I do hate the double standards around food; a thin girl eating a giant burger and chips and a milkshake is 'wife material' but if a fat person eats the same meal, they are a disgusting pig. It demonstrates that people arent worried about your 'health' as a fat person, because they never stick their oar in on thin peoples eating/smoking/drinking. Health is not a size, or a weight. And no one owes being healthy to anyone else other than themselves.

I noticed the difference much more when the weight was coming off vs going on. When I lost weight I felt lighter and more energetic. I slept better. My energy levels kept improving.

On the other hand, when I was gaining weight I think things slowly got harder but I was also in a bit of a lathergic depression anyway so it was hard to notice the effects of weight gain.

Don't you ever worry about how being so fat affects your health long term?

In their 40's/50's my 2 best friends have had a stroke/developed type 2 diabetes due to excess weight and also stress and hereditary tendencies for the diabetes.

You cannot deny that being overweight for years doesn't place stress on your joints/organs etc.

@Cherrytree77 - actually I kind of take that back - you can be fit and healthy and fat. It's just my current friends, they're not healthy, they don't exercise or they try to but it's much, much harder in your 40s and 50s compared to when you're younger. They both tell me this themselves.

They probably got kebabs on the way home.

They didn't want to eat enough so as to not appear greedy, most likely.

I am 20st right now and have been fat since I was in my 20s.

The thing is that I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse and apparently we are something like 6 more likely to be obese than the regular population. After many years of denial, I am finally getting counselling with the hopes that I can learn to love myself enough.

The trouble is that I think I am now insulin resistant and have hypothyroidism so losing even 1lb is extraordinarily difficult. I do taekwondo once a week and have started couch 2 5k to up my steps and to get fitter.

I would vastly prefer not to be fat, I hate it and I hate myself for binge eating. Now I am getting help then I can see why I secretly binge ate throughout my life and hope the weight might slowly go.

My focus is on my fitness levels - especially with a child. I am in relatively good shape - I did a 10 mile bike ride on my lunch today.

For me, its finding the balance between mental health and physical health. My mental health suffers far far worse when obsessing over diet and size, and any kind of restriction triggers me to binge. This is something I work on continually, which is all based on unlearning diet culture (which fake health concern is often disguised as.)

Yes, things may change as I get older. They do for most people. Thinness or even a 'good' diet and exercise is not a magic elexir to avoiding illness and injury. Plenty of my 'healthy' slim friends are battling diabetes, poor joints, cancer. They did everything 'by the book.'

I personally avoid all alcohol because i saw how it destroyed my parents health as 'social' drinkers - but I don't go around asking my friends 'Arent you worried that your kidneys may fail, flooding your body with waste toxins and causing you to becone completely mentally unstable as they enter your brain?' because im not a dick.

Attitudes like this though is what makes it hard. I don't eat big meals and don't get that hungry now so why would I want to 'grab a kebab' after a meal out.

Op says she enjoys exercise and recognises the benefit to her MH.
I think anyone who exercises knows it "allows" them to be more flexible with their food. She doesn't say she's obsessive or only does it to compensate.

I definitely think you can be pretty big and still fit. I've been taken to school by a much bigger lady at a yoga class. Her core strength was phenomenal! And very bendy.

The thing about focusing purely on weight is that you actually have not got full control over it. You know when you stick rigidly to a diet for a week and then hop on the scales optimistically and you are disappointed to see you've gained a few lbs or something? Obviously if you can stick to something longer term, chances are you will lose weight, but I don't think most people's brains work that way. We want more obvious / immediate results for our hard work.

If you focus on the healthy habits in a positive way like saying I will go to the gym x numbers of times a week or I will complete c25k or I will eat lots of healthy, high fibre foods, that's a lot easier to achieve as you have full control.

I also can't do anything with a focus on what I can't eat, as then I can either take it too I really and be very restrictive and obsessive OR if I accidentally eat something I'm not allowed, I then think fuck it, I'll eat EVERYTHING. I am in recovery after having EDs though

Your post is offensive and highlights your ignorance.

It also shows no matter what anyone looks like on the outside, doesn’t mean they’re nice on the inside.

@ehb102, l, too, have lipodoema. I only realised what it was about eight years ago when there was a newspaper article about it. I have really struggled with gps to get them to believe me but have finally had it recognised. I also have an underactive thyroid - these are both hormonal conditions, of course. I am in my late fifties and have had a lifetime of feeling judged by doctors and others for being overweight. I was slim until I had children but, at my biggest, was size 20. I am around size 14 now, but obviously very disproportionate with a very large bottom and thighs. It is also on my tummy, upper arms and, in fact, any place that that it can possibly be. I try and wear nice clothes but I always look bigger in photos than l imagine myself to be. Lipodoema means that we weigh much heavier than appearances might suggest.

I am hugely fat.

There is one bonus, I don't get cold!

They probably got kebabs on the way home.

They didn't want to eat enough so as to not appear greedy, most likely.

It's a shame you didn't say nothing, so as not to appear nasty.

@TheOrigRights you probably haven't managed to read the full thread but the op acknowledged in a subsequent post that she is well into eating disorder category...
I'm not suggesting that people who exercise and eat a bit more because they can have eating disorders. However regularly bingeing and exercising to try and compensate for the hugely excessive intake of food is definitely disordered eating

Just thought of another bonus - when I go swimming I float really well.

People react very differently to putting on weight. I am not officially overweight but I have painful joints and varicose veins - if I even put on a small amount I feel a lot worse and my mobility worsens. I also have high cholesterol. In fact my dr says she would normally advise me to lose weight - but then I would probably be underweight. By contrast, I have friends who are heavier but are flexible, have no circulation problems and are much fitter.

I've struggled with my weight all my life and am pretty convinced yo-yo dieting has completely messed up my metabolism.
June last year I was 17 stone 4.
Today I weighed 13 stone 2.
I'm 5ft 8" and 52.
What works for me is very low carb, low fat and IF. Being a nurse helps as I only eat twice a day and not at home.
I don't think I was ever prejudiced when I was obese although I ached, had plantar fasciitis and very poor self esteem although I came across as being jolly.
Now I'm a lot more confident and definitely think I'm noticed more.
I just need to keep it off now!