What's it like to be really, really overweight?

[sloanedanger]

This isn't meant to be goady.

I have issues with binge eating and often have days weeks where I eat far too much - snacks mainly. I eat several packets of crisps on the trot, several biscuits. This has gotten so much worse since WFH, I graze from lunchtime onwards. I can follow a full day of eating, snacking and dinner with toast late night.

I enjoy desperately need it for my mental health exercise, mainly running, so I think decades of this together with fairly healthy meals day-to-day, not much alcohol and being quite tall have kept me from being too overweight, although at 5"7 I'm borderline (BMI is almost 25).

I often wonder, genuinely, what it must be like to just eat whatever you want, whenever you want, 24/7, without care at all for weight gain. I hate feeling heavy, which I really do at the moment; I feel bloated constantly, uncomfortable in my stomach, hate seeing myself naked in the mirror and my running has definitely slowed because I'm carrying a few extra lbs. But it's not enough to stop me binge snacking so I can see how easy it is to gain the weight if you also don't exercise and are more genetically dispositioned to it.

Indeed, OP did acknowledge she has disordered eating, but she had not said anything to indicate she was using exercise to compensate for binges when you suggested she might have bulimia.

I'm not a dick either, but my friend who had the stroke, she knows that a good part of this was down to her weight and workplace stress. She's not stupid and has avoided seeing her GP for years due to her weight.

My other friend - she knows she's overweight and hates it. She told me that eating a lot of the bad stuff and putting on weight hasn't helped her with diabetes type 2, but her mother does have type 1 diabetes.

I've got a third friend from school who's also overweight, hates it, but struggles to lose weight.

I don't deny that people of different weights e.g. slim can also get health issues but you'd be a fool to say that weight if you aren't fit doesn't help your body. If you are fit and overweight, that's different. I don't preach to my friends that they need to lose weight, why would you, but when you know good friends and know how often they exercise and especially when one had a stroke, you can't not say things to them sometimes. Especially when you've visited them in hospital after the stroke.

Oh and my father died of a heart attack at 50, was slightly overweight, caused by an enlarged heart, was an alcoholic for many years (sober for 15), so I know all about alcohol issues.

5ft 2". I'm always battling this issue

At my worst I was 14st and felt awful. Like I was carrying a brick around in my stomach.

I've cut right back on wheat and sugar and I try to eat between 10.-6.00.

I've dropped 2 stone and feel much better, but Halloween and Christmas are about to feck with my head!

It took many years to learn that I do not owe appearances or even good health to anyone.

I can't really agree with not owing good health to anyone.

If I get ill it will be my husband looking after me into old age, as well as facing his own struggles that old age will no doubt bring.

Therefore I think we both owe it to each other to do what's in our power to stay fit and healthy.

Let me rephrase

I don't owe good health in order to be treated with respect and dignity. Something lacking in society.

And I would even go as far as to say I dont owe it to my husband. He hasnt married me on a condition I am a healthy person for the rest of my life.

Oh, the "She knows, she avoids the doctor on purpose" idea. Usually doctor says "All your problems would be solved if you lost weight. Go away and lose weight." This means that you can't go back to the doctor because you haven't lost the weight yet.

A great example of systematic discrimination in the medical industry - so many cases where people have died because health professionals blame everything on weight and ignore the other symptoms.

I struggle to understand why people don't stop eating when being overweight just feels so very awful. The only time I've ever been heavy is during pregnancy and I find it so hard to walk long distances and I'm always tired. It sucks. But it's temporary.

I truly feel for people with binge eating disorders, it must be horrible to know you're doing it to yourself but not be able to stop - and then be judged by large parts of society.

I struggle to understand why people don't stop eating when being overweight just feels so very awful

is this from the same school of thought as ‘why don’t alcoholics just stop drinking?’ And ‘why don’t drug addicts just stop taking drugs?’ And ‘why don’t victims of domestic violence just leave?’ And ‘why don’t poor people just get better jobs?’

I struggle to understand why people don't stop eating when being overweight just feels so very awful.

Do you struggle to understand why alcoholics continue to drink? Why drug addicts continue to use?

@WaddleAway I meant it literally - as in I don't understand, I cannot understand - not as in "ffs why don't they just stop eating". It must be bloody hard and bloody awful.

I guess that's a really good point. I don't see food as a drug that you can get addicted to. Maybe that's it.

Also you can’t just ‘stop eating’. You need food to live. And eating fewer calories than your body needs to sustain its current weight is difficult, as your body stores fat for survival reasons. If it was easy, there wouldn’t be such a huge diet industry, and people wouldn’t be fat.
Yes, being fat is shit. So is trying to cook nutritious meals and finding time for exercise around caring 24/7 for a disabled child.

Fair enough. Sorry I didn't mean to cause offence, I was just explaining it's hard to empathise when it's not something you've experienced.

I have engineered my life to avoid all binge opportunities. Nothing ‘nice’ in the house. No snacks. No processed food. I also do a lot of exercise so the excess eating is counterbalanced - 20k steps a day of which I run almost half. I’m a healthy weight, but it’s a lifelong battle and I’m sick of it.

I used to throw up so at least running beats that

This is why experts describe it as a disease and should be treated as such with holistic therapy. Its arguably even harder than other addictions (and it’s not just food addiction for some, it’s far more complex as has been described on this thread), but unlike alcohol or drugs which you don’t ‘need’, you have to have food to survive.

I read research where a group of very fat people were admitted to hospital and lost weight by eating nothing. They all said it was much easier to eat zero food than to try and cut down.

It is bloody hard and bloody awful.

The thing is, food is a fundamental thing. We absolutely need to eat, and not being able to have control around this basic need is incredibly difficult.

I hated the fact that I couldn't (and still ocassionally can't) resist the urges. The language around addiction talks about sobriety and being clean, but addiction to food is hard, you can't exactly stop eating.

Another thing that adds to the problem for me is the feeling of hunger. It's a sensory hell for me and if I feel hungry I will eat whatever I can as fast as I can. I try not to let it happen as I have learned over the years but if it does it makes me feel so awful I cannot cope with anything else

Over a 25 year period during which I became physically disabled and a 24/7 Carer for 2 disabled children I went from a size 8 to a size 22.
Its partly the quantity, partly the quality (Greg's, McD's etc), & for some add in alcohol (full of calories). Stress (cortisol), lack of sleep & menopause can also make a big difference.
I am now a size 12 again & eat what I want but its crept up from a 10, so I need to be careful. I prefer being a normal ish BMI as its better for my body but also I prefer to be spoken to like a decent human being & I often wasn't treated that way when I was obese.

In my case my doctor has encouraged me to lose weight - as there's lots of referral places they can refer you to or prescribe something like Saxenda if that suits the patient.

One of my school friends was obese and so were her parents - both were at least a size 20 and died young (well 50s), from heart attacks. She hated being large but was 'overfed' by her parents. Spent most of her younger life being overweight but had a child etc. Then in her late 30s she was prescribed a gastric band and lost loads of weight - went from a 22 to a size 10 and honestly you would not believe the change in her! She has so much confidence and to be honest she's a bit scathing about people who are overweight now. She's been a size 10 for the past approx 14 years.

She has so much confidence and to be honest she's a bit scathing about people who are overweight now

I guess it’s easy to be scathing when you’ve been given a tool to help. Most people don’t get that opportunity and have to do it all themselves.
Ive been very slim, I’ve been very overweight, and everything in between. I wouldn’t be scathing about anyone’s weight, as I know how tough losing it is.

My sister lives in Tuscany and when she comes home she acts as though fat people are some kind of shock to her system every single time.

"Jesus, look at her!"
"Size of him!"

It's tedious tbh. Apparently there's no large people in her part of Italy 🙄🙄

I'm currently a size 16 and she's... "concerned about me, that's all"