Page 4 | If your son doesn’t play football, do you feel he misses out on life

Shunkleisshiny · 22/10/2022 16:15

DS wasn't interested at all, and not the least bit 'sporty'. I told him sport would never earn him a wage, and be the best at what you are good at ( computers)
DS has just turned 40 has an excellent career with the company he joined when he left uni.Is still friends with his mates from comp who were all footballers/ rugby/ cricket players, it didn't make any difference and I'm with the poster about the standing on the sideline thing, my idea of hell!!!!

NiteGarden · 22/10/2022 16:17

Our son had little interest in football despite our strong encouragement.
He did it for a while and wanted to give up but we persuaded him to carry on and eventually he quit because he was unhappy.
I regret not listening to him sooner.

He's got plenty of friends and an active social life now at 16.

Moral of the story - let your kids do what they want to do, not what you'd like them to do.

Pandora2011 · 22/10/2022 16:17

I don’t see anything wrong with not being in the “popular group” at school! From my experience these are the ones who are easily led and getting up to all sorts, and quite often not the nicest to others. Whilst by encouraging children to be individual they are often more confident in themselves to say no I’m situations they don’t want to get involved with

SallyWD · 22/10/2022 16:20

No. My sron doesn't play football but has other interests. I also don't play football and don't feel I miss out on life.

DatasCat · 22/10/2022 16:20

Good grief no. DS hated everything to do with football. At 18 he now gets most of his exercise from long walks and helping DH work the allotment when he’s home from uni.

Now if you’d have replaced ‘football’ with ‘Minecraft/[insert online game of choice]’ my DCs’ answer might be different. 😂

Blanketpolicy · 22/10/2022 16:23

Football was quite a big thing in ds's year group and generally in our area. There are lots of football clubs for young boys that are a cheap activity accessible to most parents. At breaktime at school it dominated what most of the boys and quite a few of the girls did.

So while football itself is not a huge loss vs any other sport/interest, the social side could be difficult as most of the boys social life revolved around who with played with in and out of school.

99redballoonsgobyy · 22/10/2022 16:24

@GingerKittenTail I understand where you are coming from op as my year 5 ds would like to join a club as he's now developed an interest In football but I do not drive so this is a massive obstacle to him joining one as I will not be able to get him to his matches etc. A lot of his friends are in clubs and I do feel he feels a bit left out and I feel guilty. unfortunately I'm not friends with any parents who we could get lifts from but then I wouldn't want to be a burden anyway. plus some friends are a year or so older so their matches and training are on different days anyway. Public transport is absolutely rubbish and many services cut so would take many buses and hours getting to places.

Sikaris · 22/10/2022 16:24

What a weird idea. I know plenty of men that aren't interested in football and never were as a child. They do/did other sports like judo, cycling, basketball, running, hockey et cetera. Just find your boy a sport that he does like doing.

TitaniasAss · 22/10/2022 16:26

My DS literally forced himself to play between the ages of about 9 and 12. Never showed any interest before but ALL of his friends played at break and lunch so he just started playing. Then realised that he doesn't like playing it and doesn't like watching it. It's all about motorsports for him and always has been. He still kept his friends but I don't think it was particularly easy until he got to about 15 and most of the boys just hung around rather than played.

GetThatHelmetOn · 22/10/2022 16:27

Jesus… Missing out in life because he doesn’t like to play football??? How small is your world?

Unseelie · 22/10/2022 16:28

No.

Football is not actually life.

My son’s never seen the point of kicking a ball and I can’t say I do either.

Son does however adore drama and coding, so I think he’ll be ok in life thanks.

RightOnTheEdge · 22/10/2022 16:30

Both my kids play in football teams. I think it has been really good for them, especially my daughter because she's got to meet other girls who are like her. All her school friends are not interested in sport and are more into make up and doing their nails etc.
They've both made new friends they would never have met through their teams and I am lucky that the parents of both teams have been really welcoming and friendly.

I think children can get the same benefits from other interests though, it could be other sports or chess club or whatever. I wouldn't worry too much if he's not too bothered.

I do really sympathise with you feeling guilty about him missing out because you don't drive though. I can't afford to drive and I often worry about the same thing with my children when I see other people driving on camping holidays or days out at the weekends and school holidays. There are some places you just can't get to on public transport.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/10/2022 16:36

I don't think it's a ridiculous question at all. Football is massive social currency among boys - being good at it confers status, being interested in it and able to discuss it creates common ground. Knowing nothing about it or not liking it is probably a mild social barrier - a confident child wouldn't be affected but it has the potential to make school a less pleasant place to be for an anxious child.

My DS is pretty poor at football but he's happy to play it if there's nothing else on, and is good at enough other things not to worry about it.

bizbazboz · 22/10/2022 16:42

Nope. He liked singing and dancing and now is on the stage / TV occasionally. He played a bit when started senior school and plays matches for a village team when they are short of players but won't commit to training because it clashes with his drama class. I'm proud he's always been sure enough to stick with what he really enjoys

Swedishmeatball · 22/10/2022 16:48

Yes, not being keen on football massively affected both my DS’ social circle and social life. Missed out on birthday parties all the way through primary as Invites went to “the football lads”. Funnily enough ds14 now plays at break time as it’s the way to socialise - he couldn’t see it when he was younger but he does now.

Glittertwins · 22/10/2022 17:02

No, neither child has played football, they've both done other sports. One is far better at that sport than the vast majority that do play football too.

Golden231 · 22/10/2022 17:10

Certainly here in the North East, there is a strong football culture across all ages. I do think people who are into football are more outgoing and benefit from football coaching making new friends etc.

JudesBiggestFan · 22/10/2022 17:29

Yes, they will miss out. It is what happens in every playground up and down the land. It's a conversation starter in every boardroom and bar when they're grown up. My husband is not a football fan and he'd definitely say his life would have been easier if he'd liked it. Our three of our sons being obsessed with both football and cricket has brought him friendship and structure later in life too as there's so much commitment required from us both. The benefits it brings to the boys are immeasurable in terms of fitness and friendship. I'm not sporty so I totally get that lots of kids aren't and you are what you are. But it undoubtedly is a barrier for boys and men, in my experience, there's no point denying it. As for not enjoying standing on the sidelines...I never get parents who moan about this. If you wanted to stay in the warm having a lovely brunch every Saturday, why have kids? Even before football started I was shlepping round parks at the weekend to keep them active. It's part of the deal!

Pandora2011 · 22/10/2022 17:40

What exactly are they missing out on if they don’t have an interest in football?!

tigger1001 · 22/10/2022 18:16

My eldest loves football. Lives and breathes it.

My youngest hates it with a passion and has his own interests.

Children are all different, and will find friends who reflect their own personalities and likes etc

Orangello · 22/10/2022 18:19

Fuck no. DS at some point asked to play, so we went for a couple of trial classes. The football parents are bloody scary. We're in a posh area but that was full on Vicky Pollard, with fags and beers in the middle of the afternoon, shouting and swearing.
Very glad he decided it was not for him and went back to basketball, much more civilized.

Orangello · 22/10/2022 18:20

It's a conversation starter in every boardroom

Not in my experience. Golf and tennis.

Untitledsquatboulder · 22/10/2022 18:21

2 sons, either play football. Never missed out because there are lots of other things: gaming, music, other sports to bond over.

Oblomov22 · 22/10/2022 18:21

Certain sports or hobbies: dance swimming, football require huge parental input, including transport. I find it quite a bind sometimes.

MrsRinaDecker · 22/10/2022 18:23

I have two boys who didn’t really get into football, and I think upper primary / early secondary is where it most impacted them socially. The stereotypes around boys and girls are still heavily adhered to, and those that don’t fit the mould (and for boys that definitely includes football!) were teased or left out or had assumptions made about their sexuality.
Once they get older and find their tribe it gets a lot easier, but say 8-13 can be tricky.