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Does anyone not offer guests a drink

121 replies

xxcatcatcatxx · 19/10/2022 00:55

I just thought it was common courtesy.
literally the first thing you do when you have someone round - even family. Went to BIL earlier and apparently I should have just asked if I wanted a drink, feel that’s a bit rude?

OP posts:
Boxofsockss · 19/10/2022 15:23

I always offer drinks. First thing I do. And I hate it when I go to someone’s and they don’t as normally I’m thirsty but I guess that’s my problem and should remember to bring a drink. I think offering a drink just puts people at ease.

bananapyjamas · 19/10/2022 16:16

I can't imagine having a guest round and not offering a drink, even if it's a very close family member or something I see a lot of. I would also be surprised if I went to someone's house and wasn't offered one. It's just the done thing.

redskyhaze · 19/10/2022 16:18

Boxofsockss · 19/10/2022 15:23

I always offer drinks. First thing I do. And I hate it when I go to someone’s and they don’t as normally I’m thirsty but I guess that’s my problem and should remember to bring a drink. I think offering a drink just puts people at ease.

Yes exactly. I think it eases a bit of social tension, it's a distraction and comforting to have a drink.

RampantIvy · 19/10/2022 17:03

I always offer a drink as well. I think it is inhospitable not to.
I get that not everyone drinks tea and/or coffee, but if you regularly have visitors who do I think it is worth keeping some in just to be hospitable.

Roseinbloom20 · 19/10/2022 18:54

I'm from south east London and always offer any guests (expected or unexpected) a drink - I don't automatically assume a cup of tea so I say "would you like a drink?" And then maybe then say "tea, coffee, water, Diet Coke....glass of wine?" I literally have most drinks and am happy to provide anything the guest would like. I also always offer tradesmen a cup of tea as it's rude not. Whenever I go to my mums or MILS they always offer a cup of tea or glass of wine depending on the time of day 🤣

dubyalass · 19/10/2022 19:36

I always offer, but I come from a family where barely an hour goes by without someone making a brew. I think a PP is right, that it puts people at ease. I'll always make drinks for trades too, and get biscuits in. Or tell them to help themselves.

I recall visiting friends' houses when I was a teen, and the ones I remember most fondly are those who made a big pot of tea and we'd all sit around the kitchen table together. That's my happy place: big table, lots of friends chatting, copious tea and biscuits.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 26/12/2022 19:53

@Roseinbloom20 you sound like a lovely host! 😊💕

Benjispruce4 · 26/12/2022 21:24

Always. Tea , coffee? Within minutes. Rude not to.

IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 26/12/2022 21:26

Always offer within 10 minutes of arrival, if not sooner!

Bubbles1st · 26/12/2022 21:30

My and dad and step mum.... however I'm sure that's just me because she doesn't want me to stay long!

cleanasawhistle · 26/12/2022 21:37

I always offer a drink to a welcome guest.
Was never offered a drink in my late MIL house or one of my sisters.

NameChange2023 · 26/12/2022 21:56

Everyone gets offered a mug of tea or coffee as they walk through the door, and depending on who and when it is they may be offered wine/beer etc too.

I've visited people who don't offer anything, and it always seems a bit awkward.

Anotherbloomingchristmas · 26/12/2022 22:19

My bil and sil once held a family lunch.
We lived 3 hours away with 2 young dc and left home at 9am resulting in us arriving just after 12.
Apparently a pot of tea was made at 11am so we were offered tap water!
Strange pair.

sashh · 27/12/2022 09:30

ilovepixie · 19/10/2022 03:06

I'm from Northern Ireland and the kettle is switched on as soon as a car comes in the drive!

I'm from Yorkshire, I'm embarrassed if I don't have fruit cake with cheese or at least biscuits to offer with the tea / coffee.

Guests, visitors, window cleaner, electrician, gardener. I can't not offer.

In the summer I had out cans of drink to delivery drivers and alcohol free beer to the binmen.

Dancingtumbleweed · 27/12/2022 09:49

I don't offer. I don't drink tea or coffee so don't think too.

WhatLikeItsHard · 27/12/2022 09:50

I offer guests a drink, but in OPs situation I would just help myself. If I'm round brother in laws, they will mostly offer, but tbf they probably wouldn't if they were busy doing DIY and I was there on childminding duty. I've known them for over 5 years, and know where the mugs, tea and kettle are.

JudgeRudy · 20/05/2023 17:58

DaisyChristina · 19/10/2022 01:14

As soon as their coats are off and they are sitting down I offer a drink and something to eat.

Something to eat? Like what? A biscuit/slice of cake or would you rustle up a sandwich, baked potatoe, pizza? I'm genuinely curious

JudgeRudy · 20/05/2023 18:05

I guess it would depend who it was and if it had been arranged. I have friends I'll visit in the evening with no intention of 'doing' anything other than a catch up. You might not get z drink straight away but whoever thirsty first will put kettle on first in either home. If it was going to be a late one I might take 'goodies' with me eg popcorn, sweets, etc. I'd only offer food if pre arranged.
If I had eg my son and his newish gf over I'd offer drinks within 15 mins of arrival. I don't really have people round thst eouldnt feel comfortable helping themselves. My adult daughter has quite an 'open house'. I've not been offered a drink for years but I'd feelvquite happy making a round myself and snacking on something I found invaluable cupboard.

CurlewKate · 20/05/2023 18:10

I'm half Irish half Italian. You're lucky if you escape my house without eating a full meal and carrying a bag of Tupperwares for later.

Brokendaughter · 20/05/2023 18:25

If I don't offer a drink it means I am (in my mind) deeply insulting you.
I have to really really dislike someone to not offer them a drink.

Not that they know that because I don't say, I just make myself one & drink it in front of you.
But in my head I know I'm sticking up two fingers & calling them all the names under the sun while I'm drinking my own drink.

If I like you, that's when the good biscuits/cake/whatever come out too.

DaisyChristina · 20/05/2023 21:12

JudgeRudy · 20/05/2023 17:58

Something to eat? Like what? A biscuit/slice of cake or would you rustle up a sandwich, baked potatoe, pizza? I'm genuinely curious

We usually have people round in the afternoon. Last time I provided crisps, pringles, filled rolls (ham, roast beef, tuna mayonaisse, egg mayonaisse), salad, coleslaw, potato salad, quiche, sausage rolls, barbeque chicken wings. Cheesecake. Also a cake and biscuits.
If people were just popping in, I would always offer filled rolls, crisps, cake and biscuits, as I always have that in the house.

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