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Original poster

Does anyone not offer guests a drink

121 replies

xxcatcatcatxx · 19/10/2022 00:55

I just thought it was common courtesy.
literally the first thing you do when you have someone round - even family. Went to BIL earlier and apparently I should have just asked if I wanted a drink, feel that’s a bit rude?

OP posts:
Benjispruce4 · 19/10/2022 08:15

Yes the tea/coffee/cold drink is the welcome.It puts the guest at ease and says they are welcome which is good manners even if you’d rather they hadn’t called in.

sanityisamyth · 19/10/2022 08:18

I never have any guests. I didn't drink hot drinks but I try to remember that other people do and offer someone one if they never do come over. I think my last "guest" was the fire brigade when my kitchen ceiling was threatening to come in as upstairs had a water leak.

PhilistineWazzock · 19/10/2022 08:20

My inlaws are the worst for this.i have been married for over 20 years and only ever had 1 drink at one SIL's house and that was one DH got for me after us being here for an hour or so - after a 2.5 hour drive.

mondaytosunday · 19/10/2022 08:20

Not if it's my sisters. They know well enough to just help themselves - they are not guests in the same way a friend is. Mind you, I'm not that close to any in law so yes I would offer them a drink as they do not treat my house as theirs.

mondaytosunday · 19/10/2022 08:22

Though weirdly they are of course my husband's siblings and he could have the same attitude as me (that his siblings could treat the house as theirs). Hmmm, I'm guilty of hypocrisy

AutumnCrow · 19/10/2022 08:25

FanTaill · 19/10/2022 03:45

This! I’ve pre-filled the kettle while they’re on their way over.

Show quote history

My auntie would have telephoned the day before to ask what kind of water we wanted in the kettle - tap, or bottle? What kind of bottled? Or would filtered tap be all right? We were sure? Because she could get the other one if we really wanted, not that she's one to make a fuss. Oh and milk. What sort of milk? And the tea bags ... and biscuits ... she could go out specially to buy ones we liked so much last time but she doesn't know if they'll have them in because of the storm so what about having a contingency biscuit?

There's a saga involving a boiled egg I won't even go into. But it'd give Graham Linehan a run for his money.

pattihews · 19/10/2022 08:25

Fireballxl5 · 19/10/2022 07:11

Always offer drinks immediately people are in the door.
Dh's db and dsil are a bit slow and once we were invited to a family lunch and as they were busy dh asked if he could make a cup of tea (we had travelled for 4 hours). Dh brought me a glass of water as apparently they'd had a cup of tea 30 minutes earlier and we'd missed it!

I think this is my sister's way of thinking. If I arrive after a five-hour journey and she's just had a cup of tea that's my fault and I should wait till the next time she puts the kettle on. It's so different to the way we were brought up.

Fuwari · 19/10/2022 08:27

I always offer a drink but rarely have anything in for snacks as I don’t snack myself. It’s never really occurred to me to offer a snack but now I’m wondering if I should have done!

I’m the type that always has a hot drink on the go and I now struggle with work training days. They used to have an urn for breaks, now it’s just water. I hate it.

Benjispruce4 · 19/10/2022 08:42

We normally have biscuits so will put some on a plate and serve with the tea and coffee. Rarely have cake. Obviously if I’m expecting them and they’ve come a distance at a meal time I’d have lunch or dinner ready.

mavismorpoth · 19/10/2022 08:43

Of course it's polite to offer a drink, even a snack, to guests, but in reality there are levels of friend/family who you just expect to treat your home like their own and you know for a fact if they wanted something they'd either go and get it or ask for it.

ifonly4 · 19/10/2022 08:44

Only time I wouldn't is if I didn't really want them to stay too long or they'd turned up at a bad time (unexpectedly). If they're expected, then yes offer a drink and snack.

Oblomov22 · 19/10/2022 08:45

Always. Water,tea,coffee? Wouldn't dream of not.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 19/10/2022 08:53

I offer anyone a drink, even family.

If DB and SIL come to either mine or my DM's houses though, they'll often make themselves a hot drink.

Westfacing · 19/10/2022 09:00

Along with the vast majority of people on here I offer visitors a drink... tea, coffee, water, wine, etc depending on the time of day and circumstances. Biscuits with T&C, crisps or whatever with wine.

I don't know any culture that doesn't offer basic hospitality!

Wheredoallthepensgo · 19/10/2022 09:02

Of course! As soon as they are in the door, kettle is on and there's a plate of biscuits ready. It's just basic manners isn't it! I've never known any different at mine or friends houses.

And if I didn't, my Scottish Granny would haunt me forever more. 👻

Sunshineandflipflops · 19/10/2022 09:04

Yes, always. Even my parents. I actually had a tradesperson round yesterday to give me a quote and I realised about 10 mins in that I hadn't offered him a drink and I was mortified. He didn't want one as it happens but still...

It's just what I thought everyone did.

Sunshineandflipflops · 19/10/2022 09:05

I don't really do biscuits though so it is usually just a drink, unless I have bought a cake or something especially.

EstellaRijnveld · 19/10/2022 09:06

I come from a culture where hospitality is a big thing so the kettle is always on.

However, we also don't like cheeky fuckers who eat & drink at your expense and never reciprocate.

So the rule of thumb is, if you don't like hosting then don't accept someone else's hospitality either.

Mentalpiece · 19/10/2022 09:09

The kettle is always on in my house, everyone gets the offer, along with a plate of Biscuits and cake.
They get offered a meal if I've just served or I'm just about to

sashh · 19/10/2022 09:16

I always offer a drink, and to the gardeners, and I've been know to hand out drinks to the bin men and delivery drivers if it is particularly hot or cold.

I had a chair delivered and set up for me (I'm disabled) I offered a drink and it was the first drink that the person had been offered that day, this was about 4pm.

Because I'd offered coffee he too my old chair away for me, which was not part of the service.

I feel bad if I don't have biscuits even though I don't eat them.

JenniferBarkley · 19/10/2022 09:23

Always offer a drink, and something to eat with it.

But, I'm intrigued about how the conversation came about. Who told you you should have just asked, your DH or your BIL? Because if you pointed out his lack of hospitality to him then that's even ruder in my book.

HairyMcLarie · 19/10/2022 09:24

Yes guests are offered wine, gin or beer.

We don't have tea, juice or soft drinks. Water doesn't count as a drink and coffee is only for pre 10am.

slowquickstep · 19/10/2022 09:36

Surely to god there is nobody that bad mannered they wouldn't offer a visitor a drink ?

RampantIvy · 19/10/2022 09:51

HairyMcLarie · 19/10/2022 09:24

Yes guests are offered wine, gin or beer.

We don't have tea, juice or soft drinks. Water doesn't count as a drink and coffee is only for pre 10am.

So, drivers only get offered water after 10 am?

That's very specifically rigid.

FanTaill · 19/10/2022 10:40

HairyMcLarie · 19/10/2022 09:24

Yes guests are offered wine, gin or beer.

We don't have tea, juice or soft drinks. Water doesn't count as a drink and coffee is only for pre 10am.

This sounds like my in laws. I once asked if I could make myself a coffee in the afternoon (outside of the specified time😬) and got a lot of hang wringing and telling me the time and suspicious looks.

After they caved I asked if anyone else wanted tea or coffee while I was making one and the other family members jumped at the chance. 😂

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