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Original poster

Does anyone not offer guests a drink

121 replies

xxcatcatcatxx · 19/10/2022 00:55

I just thought it was common courtesy.
literally the first thing you do when you have someone round - even family. Went to BIL earlier and apparently I should have just asked if I wanted a drink, feel that’s a bit rude?

OP posts:
balalake · 19/10/2022 06:54

Not alcohol as I have none in the house, but a tea or coffee is offered to anyone, including tradespeople.

SpringRainbow · 19/10/2022 06:56

Depends who it is, why they are here, and how far into the house they have made it.

I do know how to be a ‘good host’, I just don’t like having people round. I never feel comfortable or relaxed when people are round.

Malfi · 19/10/2022 06:58

Yes, if you mean tea or coffee or water etc.
No, if you mean alcohol.

Devo1818 · 19/10/2022 06:58

I agree OP. I always offer a drink and would think it really rude if I went to someone's home and wasn't offered a drink. It's basic.

MrsDThomas · 19/10/2022 07:01

Only if i want them to stay. Otherwise no!

but we dont get unexpected guests so the only people coming to us are dad, and my best friend!

Benjispruce4 · 19/10/2022 07:01

Always ask if they’d like a drink. Most people I visit ask me too.DH’s fam are a bit slow to do this though.

StillNotWarm · 19/10/2022 07:10

I try to, but since I rarely drink other than at meal times putting the kettle on isn't my first thought.

I do tell trades who are here for the day that I don't make drinks for me, and they MUST ask.

Fireballxl5 · 19/10/2022 07:11

Always offer drinks immediately people are in the door.
Dh's db and dsil are a bit slow and once we were invited to a family lunch and as they were busy dh asked if he could make a cup of tea (we had travelled for 4 hours). Dh brought me a glass of water as apparently they'd had a cup of tea 30 minutes earlier and we'd missed it!

Benjispruce4 · 19/10/2022 07:20

@Fireballxl5 😂

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 19/10/2022 07:21

Yes. I think it's really rude not to tbh.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 19/10/2022 07:21

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 19/10/2022 07:21

Yes. I think it's really rude not to tbh.

I meant yes I do offer a drink 😂

tealandteal · 19/10/2022 07:30

It’s not the very first thing I say but generally let them come in, get sat down, the dogs sniff them and we say hello how are you type thing. Then I offer them a drink, we don’t usually have a wide choice but can offer the basics or I get something in if I am expecting visitors.

BarrelOfOtters · 19/10/2022 07:33

Yes always. I find it a bit odd if someone doesn’t offer and feel a bit unwelcome.

user1471538283 · 19/10/2022 07:39

Always! It was the way I was raised. Friends, family, tradespeople.

Tipsyturvychocolatemonster · 19/10/2022 07:42

Depends who it is. My family and close friends just help themselves , proper “guests” I’d offer immediately.

I couldn’t get worked up like you though and if I wanted a drink would have said.

NoSquirrels · 19/10/2022 07:42

I was raised in a ‘the kettle’s just boiled’ family - if you know someone’s coming you put it on, and if they pop in unexpectedly you say it anyway to put them at ease.

My DH was raised in a ‘everyone help yourself’ family, and didn’t used to drink hot drinks at all, and so it never occurred to him to offer - after decades he’s mostly trained but it’s still not automatic.

My MIL absolutely never offers - and now she very rarely has visitors, which is partly cause and effect, I think.

Benjispruce4 · 19/10/2022 07:43

I’d find it odd to just stand there while my visitors put the kettle on themselves.

AlwaysLatte · 19/10/2022 07:44

We always offer a drink as soon as coats are off. But then we make our gardener a cooked breakfast (bacon roll or similar) and lunch!!

MrsTimRiggins · 19/10/2022 07:44

Doesn’t matter who it is, why they’re here, whether I invited them or not, I turn full mrs Doyle… g’wan, g’wan, g’wan. The kettle is on the aga ready to go at all times 😅 and won’t you have a piece of a cake too??

ThunderstomsAreComing · 19/10/2022 07:53

Always a drink is offered - but I don't eat snacks, don't generally have things like biscuits in the house, so I do get caught out occasionally (note to self, keep an emergency pack of something in the cupboard).

NegroniLover · 19/10/2022 07:56

Yes we absolutely do! It would be considered incredibly rude not to. We have a coffee machine & a variety of teas & always have milk / sugar / hot chocolate in the house too. Juice, water (sparkling & still) & probably could rustle up a soft drink most days too.
There's always wine, spirits & dh usually has a few beers in the fridge depending on what type of visitors they are & how long they're staying.
And we always have biscuits and snacks.

Dh's family are really poor hosts. We live a 2 hour drive away so we never ever turn up unexpectedly. Even with an agreed arrangement for us to visit we have often arrived to the town & called to his mum & his sisters houses & not been offered anything. At most it might be a mug of instant coffee (often with sighings from the host about having no milk or sugar in the house) and it's a RARE occasion if there's a biscuit...

We've often gone for the day & visited 3 houses & had to go to a cafe for sustenance in the middle between houses as we'd been offered nothing more than 3 cups of instant coffee....

On the other hand if they visit us we provide a full meal plus tea / coffee cake etc. They're English & I'm Irish & I truly think it's a cultural thing with them.

JaNaJanice · 19/10/2022 07:59

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ZeroFuchsGiven · 19/10/2022 07:59

Woodsparrow · 19/10/2022 06:49

Did I invite them? Do I want them to stay?

A few factors here. Usually I'd offer. My mum knows I hate uninvited visitors but still turns up expecting to be let in, she does not get offered a drink and as I make some sort of "I'm just on my way out" noise she'll complain I've not given her a drink. I'm not a total bitch btw I see her plenty

How extremely rude Shock

ilovebagpuss · 19/10/2022 08:07

I always do, it's what my DM did and just seems standard. It's only tea, coffee or squash unless I'm expecting company for wine or whatever.
My DH family never do it, they wouldn't mind if you made your own but when you aren't family and are young it's hard.
I remember going to BIL for visit and MIL makes herself a tea immediately and we all sit drink less.
I know I could have said Oi make me one and rummage for squash or water for the kids while you're at it but we were not that close.
I find it the height of rudeness even if its not intended it makes you feel unwanted.
DH didn't jump up to make one either, but over the years did get better at just making one for us all.
It gives me the rage, it's a "manners" thing that I think should be standard, surely those people have seen it in action as guests elsewhere and thought oh this is nice? I'm always learning new tips for hosting.

FleecyMcFleeceFace · 19/10/2022 08:10

Rickrollme · 19/10/2022 01:02

What??? I’m American too and of course I offer someone a drink! And a snack, and anything else they need. Close family knows to help themselves but everyone else I definitely offer. I don’t know where in America you were raised but everyone I know was raised this way.

Show quote history

Not me. Also American, and I would invite someone in, chat for a bit, and then fetch the coffee and snacks. Keep chatting. Sure, I offer drinks, always, but the kettle ain't boiling when I hear footsteps on the front walk. It's like the coffee/cake is more of an event? I dunno.

(Exception - water and glasses and ice out immediately.)

I found this was considered - well, maybe not rude, but off - when I moved to the UK. It is culturally important to offer hot drinks - generally tea - immediately upon entry. "Hi, X. Tea? Sugar? Here you are. How was the trip?"