I can't afford to live normally anymore, what's the point?

[savingallmylove]

No this isn't a suicidal thread! I'm not depressed. But I don't see a way out and it's terrifying

I don't have enough money coming in to cover food for myself properly. I'm living on soup and a few handouts from church (that I don't attend)

Now, I can't work so what do I do?

I'm a carer for my disabled child. When he's at school, I'm sleeping mostly or running errands that need doing, life admin etc

My monthly income no longer covers everything. There is no wiggle room, and I don't even have 'Netflix' or Spotify - my mum pays for my account as it's her family account

My son does swimming and horse riding but they're paid for by his DLA.

What on earth do I do? No it isn't a begging thread before someone reports me - My mum and dad will certainly feed me if I was starving or short!! But others aren't so fortunate to have family help if they're desperate

Well swimming and horse riding are previously beneficial to your son, finding activities that children can access is far more difficult so I can understand why you want to continue them

No normal person would begrudge you using a food bank in these circumstances

It's not an awful lot of money though, what does the rest of the dla go on? You can definitely use it for food and bills . Your child needs a healthy parent

DLA money doesn’t all need to be used for activities for your child. Being fed and watered is more important right now

Hi OP,
im sorry you’re in this difficult and stressful situation. DLA is not ring-fenced specifically for your son, yes they’re his DLA payments but you can use them for whatever helps him and eating and living is one of those things.

Saying that, for those saying the OP should stop the activities, for a child with a disability, his horse riding time and swim time might be extremely important parts of the week for helping him physically or to regulate etc and so cancelling them, the OP might be in a more difficult situation than she is currently.

OP - If your son is at a special school, could you ask that your EHCP Personal Budget is used for the activities and then you can use his DLA for food/living - even if it’s in the short term. The EHCP personal budget is for those types of things that he cannot do in school time etc. Don’t feel guilty asking the LA/school. And as others mentioned, I’d go to the citizens advice bureau and ask them to help you check you’re getting everything you can.

can you access your local food bank in the mean time?

@Comedycook
This is why I think her fundamental problem is the fact the father seems to contribute barely anything.

How far do you think £7 a week will get them? :/ (which she may or may not already be getting)

Sorry I did address where his dad is but I know it's easily missed -

His dad had septic shock around 18 months ago. He still hasn't recovered properly, he's not the same physically or mentally. All very sad. His mum looks after him (she's a witch to me sadly!)

Agreed

Good grief.

the OP has a son who has the mental age of an 11m old. He sleeps 3-4hrs a night & people are suggesting she gets a job or ‘starts a business from home’. I guarantee her home looks like stock room of boots.

sorry OP. You know what I mean I’m sure. You sound like a lovely mum. I volunteer at a food bank & you are exactly who we are there to help. Tell us what your son likes to eat and we will even try to provide it. Really!

sending you all my love and solidarity.

OP - trying looking on Facebook and see if you have a local 'Acts of Kindness' group. Lots of lovely kind people on my local group, often offering extra food, meals, clothes, furniture etc.

Should add that I was getting about
£400 a month from him before that. He was on around £30k but just agreed on £499

*400!

Yeah maybe the OP could get a lovely little job around her child (developmental age 0-11 months) who seemingly goes to a lovely little special school from which he never has a day off and a lovely little care agency can step in at any time and a lovely benefits volunteer can help OP fill in all the forms she's apparently forgotten for all those benefits she's mysteriously omitted to claim over all these years and then her unwell ExH can be miraculously forced to 'do more' and she can do without sleep and buy some lovely washable duvets to pop in the tumble dryer. Sorted.

Thank you for your good work. You're a good good person.

Are you quite seriously comparing therapeutic activities for a profoundly disabled child with the mental age of a baby, to luxury items like a private helicopter? I mean obviously I know you're attempting to be witty by exaggerating, but you think therapy for disabled children is a luxury? Another one who is either hard of understanding or completely devoid of compassion. No wonder the country is going to hell in a handcart.

A part-time job would help. Many people return to work when their child is six months old for this reason, benefits cover essentials but it's better to work in the long-term.

I’m glad you responded to that poster… I tried to but couldn’t without writing something that would get me banned.
Very well said.

Paying the essential household bills that aren’t covered due to the parent not working due to the care needs are the primary reason for the payments. The parent existing to care for the child is the main need. Not bagpipe lessons.

Do you get 3-4 hours sleep a night?

@MargeSampson You post is next level stupidity.

It sounds like this is paid through a personal health budget (or similar). It's ringfenced money specifically for disabled son to undertake extra-curricular activities and cannot be spent elsewhere.

My point is that the household needs to survive first. Food, gas, electric costs as parent can’t work. That’s what the dla payments are for first. Saying riding lessons are more important that mum eating is madness. Saying mum starving because riding lessons are essential is madness. The child needs a parent who is warm, fed and functional to be able to care far more than they need a swimming lesson.

Have you read any of the thread? Like the bit where op has a severely disabled child?

OPs boy will be 6m old forever but getting bigger and heavier. Have a heart. Good god.

You clearly do not claim dla for your child or you would understand that the childs hobbies are one of the care needs that it covers.

Did you read what OP said about the child and horses?

I really don’t think you feel quite like that about private helicopters.

Give over.

Could your DS's grandparents help? just temporarily until the his dad gets better and starts working again.