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Original poster

I can't afford to live normally anymore, what's the point?

467 replies

savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:22

No this isn't a suicidal thread! I'm not depressed. But I don't see a way out and it's terrifying

I don't have enough money coming in to cover food for myself properly. I'm living on soup and a few handouts from church (that I don't attend)

Now, I can't work so what do I do?

I'm a carer for my disabled child. When he's at school, I'm sleeping mostly or running errands that need doing, life admin etc

My monthly income no longer covers everything. There is no wiggle room, and I don't even have 'Netflix' or Spotify - my mum pays for my account as it's her family account

My son does swimming and horse riding but they're paid for by his DLA.

What on earth do I do? No it isn't a begging thread before someone reports me - My mum and dad will certainly feed me if I was starving or short!! But others aren't so fortunate to have family help if they're desperate

OP posts:
moonypadfootprongs · 15/10/2022 22:05

MargeSampson · 15/10/2022 21:43

A part-time job would help. Many people return to work when their child is six months old for this reason, benefits cover essentials but it's better to work in the long-term.

@MargeSampson are you for real??? Have you actually bothered to read the thread???

Freya81 · 15/10/2022 22:05

OP, I'm so sorry that you are in a difficult situation right now, you sound like a wonderful, caring mother who is giving her son the best life she can. As others have said, maybe seek some advice to make sure you are getting all the help you are entitled to. I don't know if this is helpful or not, but there are apps that tell you of local restaurants and shops that are giving away perfectly good food that they can no longer sell. I hope things start to get better for you.

CaptainThe95thRifles · 15/10/2022 22:05

You cannot just assume because people are giving advice that they don’t too have disabled children/are carers etc… so no need to call everyone stupid just because they’ve offered advice.

Actually, I wasn't making that assumption - I was pointing out that these posters clearly have no idea about equine therapy / riding therapy, or the cost of participation in these activities, which can be negligible (unlike the average riding school). Posters see "horse riding" and think the OP is pissing away the sort of money that would cost at a riding school, and responding on that presumption - that is ignorant, unhelpful and unnecessary.

pyjamafashionista · 15/10/2022 22:05

Threadkillacilla · 15/10/2022 21:52

By eck someone left the cunt cupboard open tonight!

chin up OP, many of us hear you Flowers

Thought exactly the same! Jesus wept, wherever did empathy and compassion go?

Suemademedoit · 15/10/2022 22:05

What an awful situation you’re in OP.

You’re being out in a situation, by life circumstances and 13 years of Tory government, where you have to choose between doing the right and lawful and moral thing, or subsist on tinned soup. Money is forcing you to compromise your values.

That’s just a fucking awful situation to be in in 21st century Britain.

AdoraBell · 15/10/2022 22:06

Are you claiming everything you can, child benefit, UC or anything else? Speak to someone who issue a voucher for a food bank. GP, Citizens advice.

You don’t need to feel guilty for having food from a church. They support anyone regardless if they attend church.

As pp suggested could you move back to your parents, would that work?

curlymom · 15/10/2022 22:06

sorry for the situation you are in. Well done for loving your child so much.
give yourself some time and rest and then perhaps you could apply for a couple of hours wfh jobs for you when you are ready. He extra money could be yours. You deserve a treat every so often. All the best x

moonypadfootprongs · 15/10/2022 22:07

Threadkillacilla · 15/10/2022 21:52

By eck someone left the cunt cupboard open tonight!

chin up OP, many of us hear you Flowers

🤣🤣🤣

Schoolchoicesucks · 15/10/2022 22:07

tootiredtospeak · 15/10/2022 20:53

Think of it like this. Your son manages a school day with 3 to 4 hours sleep so I reckon you could maybe do a few hours say work the morning and have an hour or 2 before the school day ends. Every bit counts maybe a school dinner lady job would be good they start at 11 and just cover dinner so you could grab an hour in the morning to recharge. It does sound very hard but there is always something you can do. It sounds like your meeting your sons needs well so that extra bit of work would mean a bit extra for you each week on food.

No. If the OP is only able to sleep 3-4 hours a night when her son sleeps, she needs another 3 ish hour stretch to sleep while he is at school. It would be as unsustainable to expect her to live on 3 hours plus 1 extra hour grabbed during the day as it is for her to live on insufficient food. Her son "manages" on 3-4 hours sleep as it is part of his disability. How much sleep do you get?

OP, I don't know what the answer is. Are your parents able to help at the weekends so you could do some work then? Are you claiming all that you can? Does your dc have meds that could help with their sleep?
I hope you find some support.

Fcuk38 · 15/10/2022 22:07

Icecreamandapplepie · 15/10/2022 20:33

Sorry if it sounds rude, but why are you sleeping while your son is at school?

Yes this is bloody rude doesn’t take a genius to work out she’s probably knackered looking after a disabled child.

Kissingfrogs25 · 15/10/2022 22:08

It will pass op. Things will improve. Life is full of ups and downs. Take every day as it comes, all the best.

kateandme · 15/10/2022 22:09

I get the horses stuff I’ve seen the evidence and studies.
but the swimming and possibly then riding needs to be thought about in priority terms.
would he understand this?or could you lessen the sessions or even have a word with them.also is there no local charities that pay for lessons for disabled kids,I’ve seen them lots of times.
op your being lovely to your son but thinking of his money in too literal terms here.
it’s to keep him safe and well.but that does include you as your caring for his safety and wellness.as a collective you both affording a meal.you both being heated in the house.so you heating the house and buying ingredients for a lasagne etc.

FallSpringing · 15/10/2022 22:09

ReeseWitherfork · 15/10/2022 20:46

I really really see your point about not wanting to quit horse riding or swimming, I’m just not sure taking from a church food bank is overly ethical while you’re still paying for those though.

What an incredibly short sighted and nasty message. OP ignore the comments about the horse riding and swimming, they sound fab and will be improving his physical and mental wellbeing and making life better for the both of you.

Comedycook · 15/10/2022 22:10

Well if the ex starts giving her £400 a month again..problem solved.

Reebokclassics · 15/10/2022 22:10

I have a disabled child who attends school mon-friday. Single parent, no child maintenance. I do freelance admin work from home on my laptop in the evening and clean houses nearby whilst she is at school. My wage from this along with dla, universal credit and carers component mean I get by nicely. Maybe look into cleaning, its very flexible and you wont be required to work a minimum hours if your child is in receipt of middle or top tier dla as youre classed as a carer in that case. I get around 150 extra a week from cleaning!

Inyournewdress · 15/10/2022 22:12

The lack of thought or empathy in some of the responses here is shameful.

AutumnCrow · 15/10/2022 22:12

Maybe the ExH can get a little part-time job

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 15/10/2022 22:12

Overthebow · 15/10/2022 21:53

I went back to work four days per week when my baby was 9 months old and I didn't get much more sleep than that. doing that indefinitely would be tough and I would no way suggest doing that but surely working two days per week would be manageable on that and would be a big help financially meaning the OP could eat properly?

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Bravo. Now try and do it when that 9 months lasts years.... Hmm

Overthebow · 15/10/2022 22:13

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 15/10/2022 22:12

Bravo. Now try and do it when that 9 months lasts years.... Hmm

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Did you even read my whole post?

Comedycook · 15/10/2022 22:13

AutumnCrow · 15/10/2022 22:12

Maybe the ExH can get a little part-time job

Well yes he should. Or he could look after his actual child so that the mother could work or contribute some cash.

kateandme · 15/10/2022 22:14

CaptainThe95thRifles · 15/10/2022 21:55

If this is how many people genuinely feel about families with disabled children, it's no wonder we have the most heartless and uncaring government in recent history.

Just get a job like everyone else. Don't waste your money on horse riding. If your disabled child has any fun activities, you don't deserve charitable donations from a church 😳 FFS - how much of an absolute moral vacuum do you have to be to believe these sorts of things, let alone say them openly to someone who's struggling.

👌

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 15/10/2022 22:15

Overthebow · 15/10/2022 22:13

Did you even read my whole post?

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Yes. I did.

EmmatheStageRat · 15/10/2022 22:16

As the parent of a profoundly disabled child, it’s really depressing and upsetting to read a lot of responses on this thread. Now I understand why Liz Truss is in charge of the country. I’d love to go out to work full time and have meaningful conversations with adults about something other than disabilities but I don’t think that my local authority would be too happy to pay the £80K pa fees for the only school that will properly meet my child’s needs.

PlinkPlonkFizz · 15/10/2022 22:16

savingallmylove · 15/10/2022 20:31

Thing is that money isn't for me, it's my son's. It isn't for me to eat well, it's for him and his disability, to make life easier for him

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But you eating properly is ESSENTIAL. What will your son do if you get ill from malnutrition?

Jessiesthedog · 15/10/2022 22:17

Comedycook · 15/10/2022 22:13

Well yes he should. Or he could look after his actual child so that the mother could work or contribute some cash.

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I really do think this is the only answer OP one way or the other he must contribute be it ass or cash