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Original poster

I am just about to email to turn down a job offer for a job I actually really want. Anyone else had this occur?

316 replies

ThatBliddyWoman · 13/10/2022 06:48

I have had two interviews for the job, one just an informal meeting and the second a presentation. Both went well and I was offered the job. It was advertised as (for example) the pay starting at about 2K less than I am on now, and going up to 3 and a half thousand more.

They've offered me the very lowest end of the scale, because I don't have all of the experience they wanted.

They wanted a degree, experience in one particular field and experience in another field. I have two degrees (a Masters) and experience in one but not both of the areas so they'd start me on the lowest pay.

It's also more hours than I do now (albeit not many) some hours WFH some in the office. So I'd have to factor in petrol costs, and paying a dog walker.

I've looked at my finances over and over and I just can't do it :(

I keep re-wording the email. What I want them to do is to come back and say 'Great we'll give you more money then!' but It's not likely is it.

I have a gut feeling that they've not had many people apply. I breezed through both the interviews, I got the impression they really liked me :(

It's also in a field I really want to work in and really want to gain experience in. They'd offered to put me through a qualification I have always wanted too.

Gutted. Has anyone else had something such as this happen?

OP posts:
missmamiecuddleduck · 13/10/2022 11:06

Bearsporridge · 13/10/2022 09:29

Women are socialised to put ourselves down. I went to an all girls school and my first workplace was a shock. We would bat off compliments, only claim to 75% of our talent on the unspoken understanding that other girls would then build you up.

But suddenly I was competing with boys who automatically claimed they were 125% of their talent or more. And assumed that my 75% was really 50% as I must be upselling myself. It was all about confidence over competence.

It is really, really hard to negotiate and self-promote in the workplace, even more do I think when you have to do it with another woman.

It can be helpful to think of it as a game with rules, or a formal dance with steps you need to learn. Definitely use email if it helps.

I love MN for the support and encouragement to get through these things.

This is so very true.
I was shocked when I realised how much men exaggerate and big themselves up in the workplace. If you remember they're less competent than they claim, you'll never be intimidated again.

I've worked in a male dominated field for decades and it took a few years but I learned to run with the big dogs. One of my first big negotiations back in the day, I was going into the job search thinking I'd be thrilled to get 75k. I felt like a timid little mouse on the inside but I must have appeared to be a brave lion on the outside as I ended up with a $175k base 25k signing bonus plus stock options.

I didn't even have a car at the time and got on the bus and held my portfolio near my face so nobody could see me crying.

silverbubbles · 13/10/2022 11:06

Did you tell them at the outset what salary you were seeking? Did they know what to offer you or did you just 'hope' they would some how know what to pay you?

Go back. tell them your current salary and tell them you are not looking to take a pay drop in the current climate it is totally unfeasible.
Tell them you love the job and will happily accept but you need to be paid 'this much'.
Don't spend time justifying your reasons, talking about dog walkers, petrol costs etc - your personal lifestyle costs are not relevant to your worth in a job.

How much to you need them to up the salary by?

EddieHowesBlackandWhiteArmy · 13/10/2022 11:07

Yes I have done it, applied for the job knowing it wasn’t quite enough hours but went for it anyway as I knew I would be a great candidate (had been working towards this job as an ideal for around 5 years so I knew my experience etc was exactly what they needed and I knew the work the organisation did as I so desperately wanted to work for them!)

Sure enough I got offered the job, I explained that in reflection I couldn’t accept it with the hours offered and was there space to negotiate an additional day so we could make it work. They were sympathetic and went away to try and make it work but were unable to and apologised.

a few weeks later I saw one of the interviewers at a different event and he asked why I had turned the post down and I explained I just couldn’t make it work for me due to the limited hours on offer. He took that on board and went away. A few weeks later the company got in touch and said they had been back to the board and had managed to get the funding for an additional day and wondered if I would consider it. I gratefully accepted (and negotiated working from home).

12 months later and additional hours became available and I’m now full time but over 4 days ( negotiated that as well) and I’ve had two additional pay rises. I work in my dream job and work for a great organisation. All through the power of negotiation and the ability to say ‘actually that doesn’t work for me’.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs
AllInADay · 13/10/2022 11:08

Most companies do this now. Start you at the bottom of the scale and hope they can get away with it. They'll be fully expecting you to ask for more money and won't be surprised.

missmamiecuddleduck · 13/10/2022 11:09

All the best OP
Flowers

henlee · 13/10/2022 11:13

WashableVelvet · 13/10/2022 06:59

Negotiate! If you decline they aren’t going to read between the lines. Whereas if you say thanks but I’d need to earn at least £x and with my masters and extensive experience of x I believe that’s a reasonable salary expectation. Then you give them something to work with. A lot of places offer the lowest as a default starting point t.

This!

They will need to present a case to HR as to why you should be offered more - so I would just outline the skills you do have.

At my work anyone is offered the lowest amount on their grade & pretty much everyone negotiates

As long as you do it politely you have absolutely nothing to lose

gogohmm · 13/10/2022 11:15

Just say you were looking for x (high end of published pay scale) see what they say

thedoofus · 13/10/2022 11:16

Good luck with it, OP. I really hope you wake up to the email you want.

This is such an interesting thread, reading everyone's experiences and about the difference between men and women and their approaches.

DH is senior in the public sector. When his current organisation made him a job offer, he negotiated a condensed 4-day week, 4 days of CPD a year, a relocation package and starting at the top of the band. He's since negotiated a 'retention allowance' and is the only person at his level not to do on-calls. I believe he is good at his job, and he certainly works hard at it, but he has always been very clear with his employers that the deal is he will work really hard for them but also prioritise his work/life balance. He's not especially an 'alpha male' type, but still has that male inbuilt sense of his own worth and ability to ask for more.

I am self-employed and do freelance work for companies. I make myself increase my fees every couple of years. I absolutely HATE doing it and always dread it and put it off, but it's always fine in the end. (I need to remind myself of this, because it's nearly time to do it again, I am cringing and dreading it already.)

Dillwyninthebath · 13/10/2022 11:27

I'm saving this thread as well, so many good replies and advice.

SlothMama · 13/10/2022 12:13

You need to negotiate a better package, if they were offering a higher package then they have the budget for it. Push back on what your current salary is and that you cannot accept any less.

LP9 · 13/10/2022 12:17

Not read the full thread but you need to negotiate not just throw in the towel. Ask for a little higher than the salary you'd be happy with and see what they say. Be polite and you have nothing to lose. Something along the lines of 'it was very nice to meet you on xxx and to learn more about the role. Thank you for the offer, Its certainly a position I' m interested in. I wondered if there was any flexibility on salary, I was thinking around £xxx

Roarsomemore · 13/10/2022 12:41

Exciting - hope it turns out well! I did similar at the advice of a friend and negotiated to come in at middle of the band. Wouldn't have thought to ask otherwise.

ILoveYoga · 13/10/2022 12:44

Good luck. Hope they offer you more.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 13/10/2022 12:45

In my recent experience working in a male dominated global industry, when a man (usually) asks or states his salary requirements it's not in a fluffy way, it's what they expect, especially if it's to factor in commuting costs.

For me - but slightly different as I prefer a good hybrid model (I currently WFH 3 days a week), whenever and if I'm approached I say I want this and what salary I want. Tough if other companies can't comply but it's what I want. I probably have had people thinking 'what's she on about?' re my hybrid working model but I know with my age and experience what I can safely request.

Doingprettywellthanks · 13/10/2022 12:46

Baffled by all the comments that this is a “gender” issue.

as can be seen from the many many posts on this thread, presumably mainly women posting, many of us are describing scenarios we have successfully secured increased pay.

my own? I said “thank you for your opening offer, I am keen to accept the role but my salary expectation is top end of the scale offered, as I believe my skills and experience reflect this”

Doingprettywellthanks · 13/10/2022 12:48

LP9 · 13/10/2022 12:17

Not read the full thread but you need to negotiate not just throw in the towel. Ask for a little higher than the salary you'd be happy with and see what they say. Be polite and you have nothing to lose. Something along the lines of 'it was very nice to meet you on xxx and to learn more about the role. Thank you for the offer, Its certainly a position I' m interested in. I wondered if there was any flexibility on salary, I was thinking around £xxx

That sounds like they’re doing you a favour and you don’t want to take the piss but pretty please give me a bit more

MrsPerfect12 · 13/10/2022 12:55

Good luck!

BellePeppa · 13/10/2022 12:59

Dontsparethehorses · 13/10/2022 06:52

Is it worth saying something along the lines of thank you so much for the offer it is such an exciting opportunity. Unfortunately as I understand that you are only able to offer £X and this is less than I am currently on £Y I am unable to accept at this time.
I appreciate your time and hope you manage to find the right person moving forward…. You never know?

Did they phone you to offer you the job? Was there any opportunity to discuss or negotiate pay at that point?

I wouldn’t put ‘I hope you find the right person’ as that sounds like there’s no way forward to negotiate.

ReneBumsWombats · 13/10/2022 13:09

BellePeppa · 13/10/2022 12:59

I wouldn’t put ‘I hope you find the right person’ as that sounds like there’s no way forward to negotiate.

Show quote history

Yes, that sounds either passive aggressive or as if you're genuinely not open to further discussion. You can't be THAT keen for the job if you won't negotiate for it.

PhillySub · 13/10/2022 13:12

As FlatterNow said on page 1

lannistunut · 13/10/2022 13:13

Doingprettywellthanks · 13/10/2022 12:46

Baffled by all the comments that this is a “gender” issue.

as can be seen from the many many posts on this thread, presumably mainly women posting, many of us are describing scenarios we have successfully secured increased pay.

my own? I said “thank you for your opening offer, I am keen to accept the role but my salary expectation is top end of the scale offered, as I believe my skills and experience reflect this”

'baffled' by something that has been demonstrated to be true?

Newsflash: not all women are the same. Statistically women are less likely to negotiate a pay rise/higher salary. Doesn't mean none do it.

Doingprettywellthanks · 13/10/2022 13:15

lannistunut · 13/10/2022 13:13

'baffled' by something that has been demonstrated to be true?

Newsflash: not all women are the same. Statistically women are less likely to negotiate a pay rise/higher salary. Doesn't mean none do it.

Show quote history

i don’t see it as a “gender” issue
i see it as a “person” issue

I am very confident and had no problem negotiating.
my older brother, no chance

lannistunut · 13/10/2022 13:19

Doingprettywellthanks · 13/10/2022 13:15

i don’t see it as a “gender” issue
i see it as a “person” issue

I am very confident and had no problem negotiating.
my older brother, no chance

Show quote history

Ok, good-o. View it however you want.

Your anecdata is interesting to you but the research outweighs your personal view. I also negotiate.

MzHz · 13/10/2022 13:19

Tbf, it has been widely reported that a man will look at a job spec and apply, even if they don’t have many of the skills requested, women are less likely to apply if they aren’t matching ALL the job spec requirements

id imagine salary negotiation would show similar lack of self belief

GreyGoose1980 · 13/10/2022 13:26

Ask for more money OP, they will expect you to negotiate.

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