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Original poster

I miss my dad

101 replies

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/10/2022 18:41

My dad passed many years ago on Oct 3. I miss him and still get a bit teary when I think about how much. Now that my mum is older I find I worry about losing her, too.

Anyone else missing a loved one?

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Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/10/2022 04:38

thejadefish · 13/10/2022 23:32

My FIL died unexpectedly earlier this year. I'd known him over 20 years and was friends with him long before I started seeing his son (FIL indirectly got us together in fact). I was pregnant with DC2 when he died and had had the 20wk scan a few days before he passed, so we were able to let him know it was a boy and show him the scan pictures at least. He said when looking at the scan photos that he was disappointed that he wouldn't get to meet him (he was admitted to hospital unwell & subsequently told that he had at best days to live, so he knew it was coming). Named our son after him, but it makes me so sad that he never got to hold him, it would have meant so much to us. He would have loved him so much. DH was very close to his dad, and will suddenly get very upset seemingly out of nowhere - every now and then something unexpected triggers the grief again, today it was a piece of music. I wish that I could ease DH's pain but I can't, all I can do is offer sympathy, an ear and hugs. Doesn't feel like enough. FIL was awesome. As a young man (when he was in the police force) he once kicked a front door down to rescue a woman in trouble (I think she was getting beaten up by a low life partner or husband). Gave blood several times a year for years until ill health made him ineligible to donate. He was a great man, we all miss him.

Oh, thank you very much for sharing this. He sounds wonderful. Maybe finding different ways to remember and honour him together? i.e why don't all of you go to give blood as a family? Take a jazz dance class? Things like that? It might give you all something positive to do to bond and keep his memory alive in a way that can spark some good. Based on how you describe him he might've approved. Just a thought. Much love to you. I know what it's like when that grief seems to pop up unexpectedly.

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thejadefish · 14/10/2022 08:06

@Mumtobabyhavoc that's a really good idea, particularly donating blood he would definitely approve thank you! We got together for what would have been his birthday but hadn't thought of things like you suggested what a lovely idea xx

ShirleyHolmes · 14/10/2022 14:33

I understand what you are saying.

My dad died 30 years ago; I was in my teens. I was heartbroken. To be honest, I still feel the same. I am used to it but not over it. I think about him several times a day. Sometimes the memories of him make me smile but I am still often tearful.

I really yearn to hear his voice, feel his hugs, inhale his smell. Sometimes they're in my dreams but I can't grasp them. Then when I wake I am hit with grief again.

I see him in my son who was born 20 years after his death and on his birthday. This comforts me but can be bittersweet on the day itself.

I hope I'm not being gloomy. It never goes away. But there is comfort in that; in that he never really leaves me.

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 15/10/2022 03:50

thejadefish · 14/10/2022 08:06

@Mumtobabyhavoc that's a really good idea, particularly donating blood he would definitely approve thank you! We got together for what would have been his birthday but hadn't thought of things like you suggested what a lovely idea xx

😘

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Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 15/10/2022 03:52

ShirleyHolmes · 14/10/2022 14:33

I understand what you are saying.

My dad died 30 years ago; I was in my teens. I was heartbroken. To be honest, I still feel the same. I am used to it but not over it. I think about him several times a day. Sometimes the memories of him make me smile but I am still often tearful.

I really yearn to hear his voice, feel his hugs, inhale his smell. Sometimes they're in my dreams but I can't grasp them. Then when I wake I am hit with grief again.

I see him in my son who was born 20 years after his death and on his birthday. This comforts me but can be bittersweet on the day itself.

I hope I'm not being gloomy. It never goes away. But there is comfort in that; in that he never really leaves me.

Have you ever had any grief counselling? It might be a good idea. I can hear the pain in your words. I understand. I named my DC after my dad and I wish so badly they could've met.

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Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 15/10/2022 04:00

Lolacat1234 · 13/10/2022 21:25

My dad passed away 18 years ago when I was 16. I've been without him now longer than I had him in my life which is weird and horrible. I look at my kids and feel so sad he never got to meet them. My son is a little maths genius like him, must have skipped a generation lol, and I just know he would have absolutely doted on them. When he died he had 2 small grandkids and now he has 9, so much has been missed. Miss him a lot.

How nice that you see some of your dad living on in your son! I think that is a very special gift. It must've been so difficult losing him at a young age. How we lose our loved ones really has an effect, and different for everyone, I'm sure; but when we are young, still needing guidance, it must be especially difficult. I'm sorry you lost your dad when you were still in your teens. I wonder... did it inform your choice in a partner? Or in relationships? I think it did for me. I think I was always trying to find a certain type that loved me in the same way; someone to fill that void and give me the same sense of security. Not sure if that resonates with anyone.

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Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 18/10/2022 05:41

@Mother87 Totally utterly lost and bereft without mine
I really feel your words. Sometimes it feels as though it will never get easier and that we should always grieve to prove our devotion. Grief is a funny thing It stirs up so much.
It sounds like your dad was an amazing man; an amazing father; an amazing human being. No wonder you feel such a deep loss. He was your compass.

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Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 18/10/2022 05:46

@balalake Do you wonder where the years have gone? I do. I also think we never get over loss, it just become less raw over time. I understand what you mean by memories or situations that trigger memories of that sense of loss.

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Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 18/10/2022 05:50

Whiskeypowers · 13/10/2022 21:01

My Dad died suddenly over a decade ago.
we didn’t have the easiest of relationships but I was getting ready to go up and see him in hospital when they called to tell
us he had died unexpectedly and suddenly

three years after he died I became a
mother and the sense of loss, that he would never meet my now three children was painful in a way I had not been prepared for.

perhaps time has provided a filter I don’t know. What I do know is that going from spending so much of my life to feeling unloved by him to wishing now he was back has been unspeakably difficult. I cannot imagine the pain if I had never doubted his love and he had always been there for me.

Sometimes I go back to where we held
his funeral and just stand feeling the air and I have on occasion felt as though part of him is still there.

💐 for anyone grieving or struggling.

I keep returning to you post. Struggling a bit to find the right words because I found what you wrote very powerful; it really resonates with me. Thank you for sharing. ❤️

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MinnieMountain · 18/10/2022 05:55

My mum died suddenly 2 years ago today.

Yesterday I was swimming at the pool where I had got the news, started to panic and had to leave.
A friend whose DM is also dead said that you get used to it but the hole they left never changes.

OneFrenchEgg · 18/10/2022 06:35

Yes mine died when I was a teenager and the anniversary is this month. I'm so envious of people who have their dads into adulthood and I never really got over it. I find it so difficult to commiserate when people lose aged parents and I know that's not kind. It's damaged me so much. Love to you op, and others on this thread.

DazedConfusedDone · 18/10/2022 06:45

Not a parent, but my OH died recently after a long battle with an illness that affected our lives horribly. The funeral is this week. He was mid 40s, I'm early 40s, we a young family.

I've woken up feeling utter panic instead of crying this morning.

lollipoprainbow · 18/10/2022 07:00

@OneFrenchEgg lost mine at 14, so envious of people with their dad or both parents still.

generalh · 18/10/2022 07:06

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/10/2022 18:41

My dad passed many years ago on Oct 3. I miss him and still get a bit teary when I think about how much. Now that my mum is older I find I worry about losing her, too.

Anyone else missing a loved one?

Mine died 11 years ago. Miss him all the time. A big gap in our lives. Thinking of you x

OneFrenchEgg · 18/10/2022 07:18

lollipoprainbow · 18/10/2022 07:00

@OneFrenchEgg lost mine at 14, so envious of people with their dad or both parents still.

Yes. Just growing up and getting older than they were - them missing everything and never seeing you get to adulthood. It's so painful. I avoid my friend's dads when I can.

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 22/10/2022 19:54

MinnieMountain · 18/10/2022 05:55

My mum died suddenly 2 years ago today.

Yesterday I was swimming at the pool where I had got the news, started to panic and had to leave.
A friend whose DM is also dead said that you get used to it but the hole they left never changes.

Minnie, I hope you are ok.
I experienced something similar after my best friend from childhood passed from cancer. I was at the gym working out when a song came on that she had told me reminded her of us as kids. I had a sudden wave of grief and panic. My heart goes out to you in your grief.

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MinnieMountain · 22/10/2022 20:24

Thank you @Mumtobabyhavoc . Fortunately DH was at home, so I charged back to him.
It just hits you sometimes doesn’t it?

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 22/10/2022 21:12

@MinnieMountain yes, it does. ❤️

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Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/01/2023 00:26

Another thread reminded me of a time when I was 12 and was given a lunch-time detention at school. I told my teacher I was going home instead. The school called ahead and my dad, who was working at home, was waiting for me. I don't remember the details of why I was in trouble, but I do remember my dad being angry with the teacher and school and phoning the principal. I returned to school the next day and it was never mentioned again.
I miss that my dad had my back. 💖

What are some things that others are missing about their dads, or mums?

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Mother87 · 11/01/2023 01:53

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/01/2023 00:26

Another thread reminded me of a time when I was 12 and was given a lunch-time detention at school. I told my teacher I was going home instead. The school called ahead and my dad, who was working at home, was waiting for me. I don't remember the details of why I was in trouble, but I do remember my dad being angry with the teacher and school and phoning the principal. I returned to school the next day and it was never mentioned again.
I miss that my dad had my back. 💖

What are some things that others are missing about their dads, or mums?

Lovely that he supported you like that...
I miss everything everyday - 3 years since losing dad - he was elderly, but I soon realised that his age/my age made no difference. Have found it truly 'devastating' emotionally. I have no concept of "moving on" - it feels worse as it's even longer since I've seen him... I miss the fact that he was my " greatest fan" & interested in everything I did, no matter how mundane...(i have a lovely mum but she's not dad/very dependent on me) and he looked after everything in my house - all the small jobs.. and his cooking was amazing ( he was Chinese) & he was an incredible grandad. So loads always🥹I sniff his jackets & oily rags left in drawers & spices left in cupboards... Sending hugs to others missing theirs

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 11/01/2023 02:19

@Mother87 your post has brought me to tears. I feel your loss and send you my deepest sympathy with love.
What a wonderful lifetime of memories you have of him. 🌹

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Mother87 · 11/01/2023 02:20

💜💜💜

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/01/2026 08:54

I still miss my dad. I wish my dc could meet him.

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WinterFrogs · 31/01/2026 08:00

I'm so sorry to read of your sadness @Mumtobabyhavoc 💔

My dad passed away nearly twenty years ago and I really miss him too. He was very kind and had a dry sense of humour which was often hilarious. Mum is in a nursing home and she has his picture on a table, and she stops every day to say good morning to him.

He played Father Christmas several times at our school fair and he was brilliant- even his own grandchildren didn't recognise him!

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 01/02/2026 21:19

Your dad sounds so lovely. What wonderful memories. 🩷

Both my best friend's and dad's birthdays have just passed. My best friend died, cancer, 10 years ago this past Christmas. My dad was fairly young when he died, also 20-odd years ago.

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