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Original poster

I miss my dad

101 replies

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/10/2022 18:41

My dad passed many years ago on Oct 3. I miss him and still get a bit teary when I think about how much. Now that my mum is older I find I worry about losing her, too.

Anyone else missing a loved one?

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Therewere5inthebed · 10/10/2022 18:58

I lost my Dad in Feb 2020 and I miss him terribly, he was mum and dad to me and was my ‘Mr Fixit’ in all senses of the word, as my daughter said to me ‘he was her person’ a very special man indeed. The only way I manage on the really tough days is to think about how lucky I was to have him for 48 years. Some people don’t have that relationship ever.

I’m so sorry you’re finding it tough and if my experience is anything to go by some days are harder than others, especially the significant dates but there have been so many curveball days that have caught me out.

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/10/2022 20:15

Thank you for sharing. You are right. Over the years I've learned that you never get over losing someone. Instead, the pain just doesn't reside so close to the surface over time. As I said, it's been many years, he died unexpectedly, but when the anniversary rolls around I do miss him and get a bit teary.

I'm sorry you lost you dad, too.

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ThomasinaGallico · 10/10/2022 20:29

I lost my dad five and a half years ago. I really identify with that worry and fear around losing my mum even though she’s pretty sprightly for her nigh-on 85 years. I also now understand why my gran was such a hypochondriac for most of her life (she lived to 102!) It’s as if you get to your 50s and suddenly become aware that there’s more years behind than in front of you and you wonder what you’ve done with them.

Add to this all the stuff in the news right now and you can see why I need to stay away from newspapers for my own sanity.

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/10/2022 20:55

85! Good for her!
More years beind... yes, I try not to think about that too much. It's funny how we envision our futures when we are in our 20's and compare to where we're at in middle age (or older).

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Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/10/2022 20:57

And I'm sorry you lost your dad, too. What do you miss most?

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ThomasinaGallico · 10/10/2022 21:04

I think he’d have been really proud of my DS making it to university with good A-levels. I’d have loved to chat with him about our holidays and the coastal walks we’ve done. And we all raised a glass to him (and a friend of his who has also since gone) in his favourite local the other week. 🍻

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/10/2022 21:18

ThomasinaGallico · 10/10/2022 21:04

I think he’d have been really proud of my DS making it to university with good A-levels. I’d have loved to chat with him about our holidays and the coastal walks we’ve done. And we all raised a glass to him (and a friend of his who has also since gone) in his favourite local the other week. 🍻

That just brought a tear to my eyes. How lovely you remembered him that way. ❤️

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HailAdrian · 10/10/2022 21:24

Mum died a year ago this month, definitely feeling the loss.

Ginger1982 · 10/10/2022 21:24

My dad died 26 years ago when I was a teenager. I miss him too Flowers

vipersnest1 · 10/10/2022 21:32

Oh yes. The sixth anniversary of my dad's death is on October 30th. I miss him so much. He died in a very horrible way after a cancer diagnosis only four weeks before.
We never expected him to 'go first' as DM was/is in very poor health, but he did.
It's not easy, @Mumtobabyhavoc. Sometimes the smallest of things can take you right back there to when he went. And, worrying about a DM who is 'left behind' is draining.
Massive sympathy to you. Flowers

user1471538283 · 10/10/2022 21:38

I lost my DF 18 long years ago and I miss him terribly. He was a force of nature and so loved by everyone. The ground shifted when I lost him and it's never been the same. I dont think I will ever recover.

I live my life by his principles but not having him here is beyond hard.

Mydoghealsmyheart · 10/10/2022 21:49

I lost my dad five years ago and it’s utterly heartbreaking still. Some days I see or hear something that I think I must tell him and then I suddenly remember he’s gone and I can’t. 😭 He suffered terribly in his last months and it was unbearable to see. I long for him to be here with me again but happy and well. We’re not the same family without him. My darling mum isn’t the same without him. She seems lost and so lonely.

vipersnest1 · 10/10/2022 21:55

Huge hugs to everyone here who has lost their DDad. I know mine (and we didn't always agree) left behind a huge hole in my heart.
He 'suffered' his illness in complete humility. He knew he was going to die long before anyone else did. All he wanted was to pass away without fear or pain. Luckily we as a family were able to give him that last kindness.
I so wish we never had to do it and that he was still here with us.
@Mumtobabyhavoc, this post has been very much about me and how I feel, but I hope you recognise some of it and find it helpful that you are not alone. Flowers

MsPrism · 10/10/2022 22:08

I do OP - over 2 years since I lost my dad - I miss the feel of his cheek on mine, and his arms around me. I’m over 50 and still remember how he felt when I was little. He was a quiet shy hard working man, and I really miss how much he loved me and my mum and my DD. 😓

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/10/2022 22:12

HailAdrian · 10/10/2022 21:24

Mum died a year ago this month, definitely feeling the loss.

The "firsts" are the most difficult: first birthday, Christmas, etc. I'm sorry you lost your mum.
I hope in time your heart will ache less and you'll remember happier times before the sad ones. ❤️

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Kite22 · 10/10/2022 22:16

I miss my parents.
I think it is only natural when you lose them. It is the price you pay for having a loving relationship with them.
Over 20 years now, but I often still wish I could phone one of them up and tell them something about one of my dc.

Twatling · 10/10/2022 22:20

Lost my dad in June just gone. He had multiple co-morbidities but died completely unexpectedly nevertheless, in the company of myself and my siblings. I don't know how I will ever expect to overcome it

Idolikeanicepieceofcake · 10/10/2022 22:20

I also lost my Dad on the same date many years ago! I still miss him and occasionally someone will walk past smelling of his shaving foam and I will get a lump in my throat. I wish he had been around to see how we all grew up. I'm sure he would have got on with my DH. Hugs to you OP, your hurt is my hurt and I wish I could make it easier.

MarshaMelrose · 10/10/2022 22:22

I lost my dad 7 years ago next Monday. It feels like no time since his last hug, his loss is so fresh. I still cry, I miss him so much. My mum has advanced dementia now, and I know I will lose her soon and even before that, she'll have forgotten who I am.
They are just two holes in my life that just will never be filled. It's like losing a part of your security that keeps your world on an even keel.

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/10/2022 22:32

I so want to reply to each here. Thank you all for sharing. Your memories touch me. I think I am feeling extra emotional because my DS just had his first birthday and I would love for my dad to know him and to know I named my son after him.

@Therewere5inthebed my dad and I had been estranged, but reconciled about 6 mis before he suddenly passed. It was a blessing.

@MsPrism I still remember the sound of his voice in the last voice message he left me.

This may be a bit "woo woo" to some of you, but....
I have had three experiences that tell me my dad exists in some form. I don't know another way to put it, but this might explain:
>After my dad died I dreamt about him; in the dream I said to him, "But Daddy, you're dead." and he said, "Jesus Christ, don't tell anybody!" 😂
>I went to a few grief counselling sessions after he passed. As I walked to the office a woman randomly stopped me and told me I had beautiful hair and said she was sorry, but just felt she had to tell me and walked away.
>Last, when I was a kid our family dog was really my dad's dog, tremendously loyal, never left his side. Several years ago I was also missing my dad a bunch and I suddenly smelled the scent of our dog.

sending everyone here love in their grief; and again thank you all for taking the time to read and post here. It really shows we're all human and much more alike than different. I am so very touched.

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Nat6999 · 10/10/2022 22:33

I lost my dad in 2019 & it still hurts every day that he isn't here, ds GCSE results day & his 18th birthday were particularly hard as he was very close to his Grandad & I knew how proud he would have been of him. But now knowing about the pandemic & how frightened he would have been & how frightened we would have been for him makes me think it was a blessing we lost him before it happened.

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 11/10/2022 04:34

Twatling · 10/10/2022 22:20

Lost my dad in June just gone. He had multiple co-morbidities but died completely unexpectedly nevertheless, in the company of myself and my siblings. I don't know how I will ever expect to overcome it

Oh, I'm so sorry! You'll always miss him, but in time it won't be so raw. I'm sure it was a great comfort to him that you were all with him.

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ApolloandDaphne · 11/10/2022 04:38

My dad died three years ago and I miss him so much. He was one of the best people in the world and very funny. I'm glad he is no longer in pain but I wish he was still here.

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 11/10/2022 04:39

vipersnest1 · 10/10/2022 21:55

Huge hugs to everyone here who has lost their DDad. I know mine (and we didn't always agree) left behind a huge hole in my heart.
He 'suffered' his illness in complete humility. He knew he was going to die long before anyone else did. All he wanted was to pass away without fear or pain. Luckily we as a family were able to give him that last kindness.
I so wish we never had to do it and that he was still here with us.
@Mumtobabyhavoc, this post has been very much about me and how I feel, but I hope you recognise some of it and find it helpful that you are not alone. Flowers

From my heart to yours, thank you.

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Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 11/10/2022 05:02

ApolloandDaphne · 11/10/2022 04:38

My dad died three years ago and I miss him so much. He was one of the best people in the world and very funny. I'm glad he is no longer in pain but I wish he was still here.

Anything you can share that he'd do that could make you laugh? When our dog farted my dad would say, Bark bark! and laugh. Stupid, I know.

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