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Original poster

I miss my dad

101 replies

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/10/2022 18:41

My dad passed many years ago on Oct 3. I miss him and still get a bit teary when I think about how much. Now that my mum is older I find I worry about losing her, too.

Anyone else missing a loved one?

OP posts:
Orders76 · 13/10/2022 00:06

Hope you're doing ok tonight x

Theskyisfullofbirds · 13/10/2022 00:08

My Mum passed in 2011 and Dad in 2013. He just didn’t want to be here any more once she’d gone. I sometimes think, I need to tell Mum or Dad something or other and then I remember that I can’t :( I miss them both every day, still.

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/10/2022 03:24

Orders76 · 13/10/2022 00:06

Hope you're doing ok tonight x

Yes, and hoping same for you. 💕

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/10/2022 03:26

Theskyisfullofbirds · 13/10/2022 00:08

My Mum passed in 2011 and Dad in 2013. He just didn’t want to be here any more once she’d gone. I sometimes think, I need to tell Mum or Dad something or other and then I remember that I can’t :( I miss them both every day, still.

It's hard to believe it that years have gone by, isn't it? you're poor dad myst've been utterly heart broken.

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lollipoprainbow · 13/10/2022 07:10

Thanks for you kind comments. I've hit a real wall the last couple of days, I wasn't doing too badly organising things etc and keeping busy but we had to sort out the photos for the funeral and were going through all mums old photos and letters and I found a bundle of my late dads love letters to her and it's stirred up all sorts of emotions and how much I miss her and how sad that dementia ruined her last few years. Can't stop the tears.

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/10/2022 15:22

lollipoprainbow · 13/10/2022 07:10

Thanks for you kind comments. I've hit a real wall the last couple of days, I wasn't doing too badly organising things etc and keeping busy but we had to sort out the photos for the funeral and were going through all mums old photos and letters and I found a bundle of my late dads love letters to her and it's stirred up all sorts of emotions and how much I miss her and how sad that dementia ruined her last few years. Can't stop the tears.

Oh, that's a tough one... the epitome of bittersweet. God dementia is such a bitch (to be blunt). It's been diagnosed in my mum. I hope you'll find some good photos to bring back some good memories. It's so important to share those stories of a life that had meaning. Those letters are gold. Having a glimpse of your parents as a couple in love, separate from mum and dad, is something to cherish.

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MissCrowley · 13/10/2022 18:09

I lost my FIL in 2020, I know it's not the same, I only had him for around 6 years. It's hard sometimes when I think of how much he'd love to be here watching his grandchildren grow up.
My biological father is alive and I've never had a relationship with him.
It hurts to know a good man was taken and deprived of seeing his grandchildren thrive and my dad doesn't give a shite.

GingerKittenTail · 13/10/2022 18:10

Me too
I actaully miss him more as time goes on and same with mum she’s struggling
and getting older and on her own a lot so it’s hard
so I hear you op

Loachworks · 13/10/2022 18:16

I feel a bit robbed. My close circle of friends and all my cousin's still have both parents. I have neither. They have no idea what it's like but neither hit as hard as losing a sibling in his teens in an accident.

SaintVal · 13/10/2022 18:56

I lost my Mum in January 2021. She died in a care home during the pandemic so never got to see her from the moment she went in to the day she died. I miss her so much. She was only 72 and looked so young but she had early onset Alzheimer's and she went downhill quickly.

My Dad and I have got so much closer since she went. I see him regularly and do his washing for him. I can talk to him about anything and when you think what he's having to cope with having lost Mum after 54 years together, it's just amazing how he keeps going. I am going to be devastated when it's his time but he's quite fit and well so I thank my lucky stars.

I'm sorry OP for your loss and everyone else on this thread. It really is very difficult. I just try and focus on happy memories and all the good times we had 💐

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/10/2022 19:00

MissCrowley · 13/10/2022 18:09

I lost my FIL in 2020, I know it's not the same, I only had him for around 6 years. It's hard sometimes when I think of how much he'd love to be here watching his grandchildren grow up.
My biological father is alive and I've never had a relationship with him.
It hurts to know a good man was taken and deprived of seeing his grandchildren thrive and my dad doesn't give a shite.

It is the same; it's missing a loved one. I think it's very special you felt so close to your FIL and that he filled that void for you. I'm sure he felt the same for you. Obviously I don't why you are estranged from your dad, but in my own experience I learned time makes it more difficult to reach out. He likely feels guilt over whatever caused the rift. I was estranged from my dad for about 6 years before I initiated a reconciliation. Not knowing your circumstances I can't encourage the same fir you, but I hope you can find some healing and comfort in whichever way you choose to move forward. The void of the loss if a parent is so vast and I don't think we ever truly get over it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/10/2022 19:03

SaintVal · 13/10/2022 18:56

I lost my Mum in January 2021. She died in a care home during the pandemic so never got to see her from the moment she went in to the day she died. I miss her so much. She was only 72 and looked so young but she had early onset Alzheimer's and she went downhill quickly.

My Dad and I have got so much closer since she went. I see him regularly and do his washing for him. I can talk to him about anything and when you think what he's having to cope with having lost Mum after 54 years together, it's just amazing how he keeps going. I am going to be devastated when it's his time but he's quite fit and well so I thank my lucky stars.

I'm sorry OP for your loss and everyone else on this thread. It really is very difficult. I just try and focus on happy memories and all the good times we had 💐

Thank God you have each other to lean on and cherish. I'm sure your mum would be comforted knowing this. I'm so sorry you lost her this way. 💕

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Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/10/2022 19:07

Loachworks · 13/10/2022 18:16

I feel a bit robbed. My close circle of friends and all my cousin's still have both parents. I have neither. They have no idea what it's like but neither hit as hard as losing a sibling in his teens in an accident.

I can't imagine that. Your feelings definitely are valid and must be painful to bear. I carry a bit of resentment after all these years because no one from my mum's side of the family attended my dad's service because my parents had separated. So, it was my mum and I and my dad's family. It was awful, actually. I gather they felt my dad wasn't family any more.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/10/2022 19:09

GingerKittenTail · 13/10/2022 18:10

Me too
I actaully miss him more as time goes on and same with mum she’s struggling
and getting older and on her own a lot so it’s hard
so I hear you op

Thank you for taking a moment to share and offer support. Yes, time may heal, but never fully. The oddest things can rip that wound open, too.

OP posts:
mrsbyers · 13/10/2022 19:11

Me , my dad died Sept 20th and it’s just starting to sink in , it wouldn’t been him and mams 55th wedding anniversary tomorrow and that’s on my
mind tonight - would you buy her flowers ?

CPL593H · 13/10/2022 19:22

I'm going through quite a bad time at the moment (Covid, I'm recovering, DH in hospital) and I was thinking earlier about my DDad.

He was my adoptive stepfather (birth one totally absent) and I remember being a toddler and riding in the footwell of his cream scooter ("Babette"..) He was tall with a mop of black curls and a smart suit and tie. He could jazz dance. It sadly wasn't a happy marriage and he cut off from all of us after the divorce, we were adults by then, and he died very suddenly at 70. I wish things could have been better and the wounds could have been healed, because I now know how much I loved him.

With thoughts for everyone who is missing someone.

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/10/2022 19:22

mrsbyers · 13/10/2022 19:11

Me , my dad died Sept 20th and it’s just starting to sink in , it wouldn’t been him and mams 55th wedding anniversary tomorrow and that’s on my
mind tonight - would you buy her flowers ?

Oh, I am so sorry. I can feel your sadness. I wholeheartedly think you should buy you dear mum flowers. Maybe a special dinner at home to talk, share memories, have a good cry. All of that. Please update. ❤️

OP posts:
mrsbyers · 13/10/2022 20:46

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/10/2022 19:22

Oh, I am so sorry. I can feel your sadness. I wholeheartedly think you should buy you dear mum flowers. Maybe a special dinner at home to talk, share memories, have a good cry. All of that. Please update. ❤️

Show quote history

Just ordered some flowers and have invited her to come and stay over for Chinese takeaway and wine to get her out the house , it’s her birthday next week too suppose it’s just getting all these firsts out of the way since we lost dad and it should get easier

Whiskeypowers · 13/10/2022 21:01

My Dad died suddenly over a decade ago.
we didn’t have the easiest of relationships but I was getting ready to go up and see him in hospital when they called to tell
us he had died unexpectedly and suddenly

three years after he died I became a
mother and the sense of loss, that he would never meet my now three children was painful in a way I had not been prepared for.

perhaps time has provided a filter I don’t know. What I do know is that going from spending so much of my life to feeling unloved by him to wishing now he was back has been unspeakably difficult. I cannot imagine the pain if I had never doubted his love and he had always been there for me.

Sometimes I go back to where we held
his funeral and just stand feeling the air and I have on occasion felt as though part of him is still there.

💐 for anyone grieving or struggling.

Mother87 · 13/10/2022 21:08

Totally utterly lost and bereft without mine... three years & he was elderly. MN was so comforting in the last week of his short illness, when we were nursing him. But I had NO idea what grief could/would possibly feel like, how I would be changed, how it could feel worse the longer it goes on...
I miss EVERYTHING - he was interested in all that I was doing, he fixed everything, his beautiful clothes - he was always so handsome & truly unique - his cooking was amazing, his humour, he was an incredible grandfather ("agong" in Chinese) - our adoration (and some locking of horns when I was younger) was mutual and I carry a huge boulder of sadness around with me. Sorry...
I have a lovely mum too 82, and it's definitely not her "fault" but she's just not dad... Hugs to all fatherless daughters xx

lollipoprainbow · 13/10/2022 21:13

@Mumtobabyhavoc thank you, so sorry your mum has the dreaded dementia. I saw mum in the chapel of rest earlier and she looked so sweet, I was so nervous. I was so touched they had dressed her exactly as I wanted and there were photos all around her and a cuddly toy. Precious. Yes my dad was the love of her life they adored each other, the letters are golden although some made me blush slightly 🤗

balalake · 13/10/2022 21:15

My dad died over ten years ago. It is things that trigger the sense of loss for me, activities and organisations he was a part of. I don't feel any sense of him not being there when visiting mum's house (who has not moved and I knew would not after he died).

Lolacat1234 · 13/10/2022 21:25

My dad passed away 18 years ago when I was 16. I've been without him now longer than I had him in my life which is weird and horrible. I look at my kids and feel so sad he never got to meet them. My son is a little maths genius like him, must have skipped a generation lol, and I just know he would have absolutely doted on them. When he died he had 2 small grandkids and now he has 9, so much has been missed. Miss him a lot.

thejadefish · 13/10/2022 23:32

My FIL died unexpectedly earlier this year. I'd known him over 20 years and was friends with him long before I started seeing his son (FIL indirectly got us together in fact). I was pregnant with DC2 when he died and had had the 20wk scan a few days before he passed, so we were able to let him know it was a boy and show him the scan pictures at least. He said when looking at the scan photos that he was disappointed that he wouldn't get to meet him (he was admitted to hospital unwell & subsequently told that he had at best days to live, so he knew it was coming). Named our son after him, but it makes me so sad that he never got to hold him, it would have meant so much to us. He would have loved him so much. DH was very close to his dad, and will suddenly get very upset seemingly out of nowhere - every now and then something unexpected triggers the grief again, today it was a piece of music. I wish that I could ease DH's pain but I can't, all I can do is offer sympathy, an ear and hugs. Doesn't feel like enough. FIL was awesome. As a young man (when he was in the police force) he once kicked a front door down to rescue a woman in trouble (I think she was getting beaten up by a low life partner or husband). Gave blood several times a year for years until ill health made him ineligible to donate. He was a great man, we all miss him.

Original poster
Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/10/2022 04:26

mrsbyers · 13/10/2022 20:46

Just ordered some flowers and have invited her to come and stay over for Chinese takeaway and wine to get her out the house , it’s her birthday next week too suppose it’s just getting all these firsts out of the way since we lost dad and it should get easier

Show quote history

I'm so glad for you. You need each other right now. 💕

OP posts: