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Original poster

What happens to all the mean girls

354 replies

RedPanda901 · 09/10/2022 14:35

My daughter was talking about the mean girls in her school and it made me ask what she meant. I mean I knew what she meant but wondered what her experience of it was. In her words: they are dismissive of the girls they don't like; talk down to other girls; laugh and bully them to make others do what they want.

Just out of interest…
Are you a mean girl? Were you a mean girl? What made you change?

OP posts:
MaisyMary77 · 09/10/2022 17:16

My younger Dsis was a mean girl. Tall, very pretty and from a wealthy family. She ruled over everyone. She was awful to people she didn’t like. She’s done very well for herself with her career but her personal life has been a disaster. She’s spent the last 30 years going straight from one relationship to another. She recently got engaged and I’m really hoping it’ll last as he lovely and makes her happy.

One thing I’ve never been able to work out-she always so many friends; she’s horrid to them! I cringe if we’re out and she decides to start on somebody. But they’re still wanting to be her friend! If a friend spoke to me like that I’d be off!

Big advantage of having a sister like her was no one ever picked on me. I was small and quiet (absolute opposite of her) but she always looked after me. She never bullied me either.

Ihatecocomelon · 09/10/2022 17:16

One mean girl got cancer and died late 30s

skyeisthelimit · 09/10/2022 17:18

some of them are still bitches now , look you up and down and size you up in an instant, judging your clothes, hair, nails, brand labels, makeup etc. You are found lacking if you do not meet their standards. They still all clique together and take great delight in making others feel inferior for not being part of their special little gang (even though you don't actually want to be). They don't realise that actually more people now pity them than want to be them.

All I judge in other people is whether they are nice people or not, I couldn't give a shit what they are wearing or what they look like.

a couple of them are actually very nice now and not at all like they were in school after experiencing real life etc.

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 09/10/2022 17:19

I sometimes look up the two who made my life a misery for years.

One is now an expensive motivational life coach...

The other is a Deputy HT at a primary school and the school SENCO. I often wonder how she deals with children who behave the way she did. I hope perhaps she grew up.

Kanaloa · 09/10/2022 17:19

@MaisyMary77

I think people like that often have friends for the obvious reason - you’re less likely to be a target if you’re friends. I mean you say yourself she always looked after you and never bullied you and you think of her with affection despite knowing she is/was a bully. She stopped others from picking on you, perhaps her friends thought the same. ‘Oh well Emily does say mean things but she stops anyone else REALLY bullying me.’ Better to be the occasional target of group ‘banter’ than the constant target of horrific bullying.

the80sweregreat · 09/10/2022 17:19

My son was bullied by a nasty one ( male)
He got over it, but it had affected him and he sought some counseling years later
Took him a while to move on.

Christmasfun2022 · 09/10/2022 17:20

I always wonder this. I was bullied in primary school by a mean girl who was also the most popular girl in the class - she turned everyone against me. I remember she was off sick once and then returned, it was bliss for the few days she wasn’t there! I’ve tried to do social media stalking and she has a good job but doesn’t seem to have a partner or kids in late 30’s, no idea if she’s happy/still mean! She came from (from what I could tell from the outside) a nice stable family as well. Another mean girl from secondary school is very high up in her job, think editor of fashion mags type thing. Very keen to make sure my DD’s aren’t mean/ and also aren’t bullied

TightDiamondShoes · 09/10/2022 17:22

Suetwo · 09/10/2022 16:52

In the majority of cases, vile, spiteful, manipulative, two-faced, bullying little bitches remain that way. My aunt is in an old folks home, and there is a group of old women in there who spread gossip, laugh behind people’s backs, etc, just as they did at school.

Christ… if that’s not an argument for euthanasia, I don’t know what is! 😔

BigSkies2022 · 09/10/2022 17:23

Well, one of my mean girls i.e bullies, stayed in the same old town, got fat as butter, and was last seen working in a pasty shop.

WhileAFoxIsWatching · 09/10/2022 17:23

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 09/10/2022 17:19

I sometimes look up the two who made my life a misery for years.

One is now an expensive motivational life coach...

The other is a Deputy HT at a primary school and the school SENCO. I often wonder how she deals with children who behave the way she did. I hope perhaps she grew up.

How funny! One of ours is a motivational coach now too, living in Brighton. But probably not the same person, as her trio was more just high status rather than out-and-out mean.

Moonatics · 09/10/2022 17:23

I told myself on my final day if school that I would forget their names and never try to find them as I just didnt care to give them headroom any more.
I managed that, I have completely forgotten full names. I also moved abroad and changed my name so they could never find me.

I dont want apologies, they would mean nothing after the bullying I endured for 10 years. They cant bring back those years, they cant apologise enough for making me want to kill myself regularly. They will never know the shit show I had going on at home and how much worse it was with no safe space at school either.
So I don't know what happened to my mean girls and i dont care. Well i hope their lives are a dumpster fire, but that's as far as I'm bothered.

I do realise not everyone can do this, I'm sorry , not meaning to make it worse for you.

ReneBumsWombats · 09/10/2022 17:24

Some of them grow out of it.

I haven't seen any evidence that they are all doomed to cosmic punishment. Actually, the kids from school who lacked social skills seem to be the ones who continue to struggle to make connections.

workiskillingme · 09/10/2022 17:24

The one in my class has ended up really fat
Which she used to tease everyone else about
🤷🏼‍♀️

eltonjohnsglasses · 09/10/2022 17:25

@Kanaloa tbf I'm basing on the definition of mean girls as in super popular, pretty & absolutely horrible for no reason. I genuinely don't know anyone in school who was horrible, obviously stuff may have happened without me knowing. But I do seem to be a rare person who absolutely loved school!

Talking behind each other's back, well I've done that but I don't think it makes you a mean girl, same with having unkind words or a falling out. I was sort of in the popular group & some were aloof but I never saw exclusion.

Zone2NorthLondon · 09/10/2022 17:26

They Jon the PTA. They are adults who forcibly impose themselves upon pupils and parents

Catflapping · 09/10/2022 17:28

faffadoodledo · 09/10/2022 17:08

Interesting. My experience of mean girls is that they're the reasonably attractive girls who are academic no hopers. But who make up for it by being 'mature' with makeup and handbags and boys while the clever swots try and keep their heads down. Early bloomers who fade faster!

Show quote history

We went to grammar school so everyone there was clever to an extent. Complete coincidence that some of the ‘prettiest’ girls (my friend group) were all placed in the top sets, so spent most of our time together. Everything came easy to us, I imagine things would have been different if we had some boys to put us in our place but we didn’t. Whenever we did meet up with the boys grammar it only inflated our egos more.

CuriousCatfish · 09/10/2022 17:28

No idea. I left them behind when I left school and don't really care what happened to them and have no interest in finding out.

PassThePringles · 09/10/2022 17:29

Ime, they stay in the same clique, become 'soccor/dance moms' whose kids are all in the same next generation clique, take no responsibility and turn and twist everything back on to the poor sods who happen to do nothing but get their backs up by not bowing to their illogical accusations.

A particular bizarre event that happened to a friend of mine, mean girls (mg) child was chasing my friends (mf) child to hit mf child, mf child eventually stopped running and hit mg child first (mg child was two years older also) all mg friends and her were shouting at mf child (8yo at the time) while one good mother came to tell mf what was happening (mf was watching her other child in a football match close by.) the mg had the audacity to screech at mf how mf child had hit her child yet totally was oblivious to the fact that had mg child not been chasing mf child to hit them, it would never have happened! Mf child is a calm, sensitive child, their only 'offence' was telling another different child not to throw water at them when mg child started the chase. This was a few years back and still all mg friends stare at friend and have encourages their children (the whole football team) to be nasty to friends other child who wasn't even there!

Mean girls stay emotionally immature and illogical and pass the same traits on to their children.

ReneBumsWombats · 09/10/2022 17:30

eltonjohnsglasses · 09/10/2022 17:25

@Kanaloa tbf I'm basing on the definition of mean girls as in super popular, pretty & absolutely horrible for no reason. I genuinely don't know anyone in school who was horrible, obviously stuff may have happened without me knowing. But I do seem to be a rare person who absolutely loved school!

Talking behind each other's back, well I've done that but I don't think it makes you a mean girl, same with having unkind words or a falling out. I was sort of in the popular group & some were aloof but I never saw exclusion.

A lot of them aren't and never were that pretty. You probably thought they were because they were more made up and styled. Looking back at the photos, the "mean crowd" really aren't all gorgeous. And many of the "nerds" are obviously nice looking. They just haven't grown into their teeth yet or learned how to groom properly. Actually, that's true of many "in crowders" too. Can't believe how awkward some of them look. I don't remember that at all.

Perception and presentation is everything.

WildPoinsettia · 09/10/2022 17:30

In her words: they are dismissive of the girls they don't like; talk down to other girls; laugh and bully them to make others do what they want

This is an accurate description of one of my neighbours, an OAP, so I'd say they stay the same.

mam0918 · 09/10/2022 17:31

There plenty of mean women around still.

Thing is every single one of us has 'bullied' someone, not even on purpose but if you could ask everyone who has ever met you at least one or two would think you where 'mean' to them because people view things different and personalities and expectations clash and its impossible to be perfect.

A girl I was friends with stopped talking to me and became agressive and standoff -ish, she swears down I assalted her at a friends party. Except I wasnt at my friends party because I was out of town visiting family. No matter how many people tell her that (and lots have varified I wasnt even there) she is STILL convinced I was 'mean' to her its been 15 years now of this mistaken identity that she clings too.

As for straight up undisputable bullies, the girl who bullied me worst (physically assaulted me at every chance etc...) in school everyday, saw me 3 years later and apologised. She said it was 'the social pressure of school' that made her act like a 'bitch' and she only did it because she was 'unhappy with her own life so taking it out on me'. Her apology however did NOT fix the 3 years of hell she put me through though.

I think some people are completely unaware they are straight up bullies (a girl I know of is the biggest 'be kind' hypocrite), most however are just normal people who clash with opposits occasionally and some bullies do have 'come to jesus' moments where they realise they where out of line as they grow.

megletthesecond · 09/10/2022 17:31

All the ones I knew have done very well.

Badbadbunny · 09/10/2022 17:32

The "mean girls" end up as managers within the NHS!

MintyGreenDreams · 09/10/2022 17:33

My horrific school bulky is now a midwife.Poor babies having her as the first thing they see.

eltonjohnsglasses · 09/10/2022 17:33

@ReneBumsWombats I agree with you. The popular girls at my school were attractive, sporty, academic but they definitely weren't the prettiest girls in school.

And I agree that in general a lot of mean girls are just full-on Monets! 😆