What happens to all the mean girls

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My daughter was talking about the mean girls in her school and it made me ask what she meant. I mean I knew what she meant but wondered what her experience of it was. In her words: they are dismissive of the girls they don't like; talk down to other girls; laugh and bully them to make others do what they want.

Just out of interest…
Are you a mean girl? Were you a mean girl? What made you change?

A real mix from my school. I left school really hating a lot of girls who bullied me as I was a geek and wore second hand clothes but I also made a pretty good job of creating a new life and friendship group for myself away at university. I returned back to my home town after getting married and having DS1 and a lot of these girls have obviously done the same and had similar successful careers. I never really know how to deal with bumping into them and them acting like we were best pals at school.

One of the mean girls I grew up with, 30 years on, is the year head at my dd’s secondary school.
I am very polite and nice during conversations with her but secretly, my 15 year old self, still despises her for being such a jumped up little bitch.
And she is still quite bolshy.
I don’t think she has any idea what a nasty little fucker she was at school.

They now run the PTA.

In my case they became nurses or care assistants

They go into nursing, IME.

Or, failing that if they're also a bit thick childcare.

(N.B. I do not think all nurses and nursery nurses are bitches. Just a large proportion).

All the ones from my school seem to have gone on to get good jobs ie doctors, nurses, dentists, accountants etc. Nice houses. Karma seems to have passed them on by.

@PollyEsther snap!!

They don't change their character, they just become nasty adults.

Look at any toxic school gate clique and bets are the ringleaders were the mean girls at school.
My sister frequently meets their mean girl locally and scratches her head as she chats like they were best friends. She certainly doesn’t see herself as the mean girl.

We grow up and end up in an environment where we realise that we really aren’t as special as we thought (University in my case) and that the brand of cool that made us popular at school means sod all in real life
Then we have to live with our regrets and guilt and if we are really lucky we understand what it was that made us the way we were, work through it and become better people.
Sometimes we slip but mostly we are actually nice people 99% of the time. The inner bitch can come in handy though at times
That's just me though

I was a mean girl and since having children feel absolutely awful about it. I was horrible, simply because my life was easy and didn’t really appreciate what it would be like not to be wealthy, pretty and intelligent. I’ve done very well for myself but am not friends with anyone from my school days, maybe because we all know how awful we were back then?

Who knows, who cares. I just remember feeling totally liberated from mean girls when I accepted my differences and embraced them. I am me and I like me. Mean girls? Stuff em.

It depends why they are mean. Some are snobs, some are antisocial.

I wasn't a "mean girl" but I was a bit of a bitch to people. To be honest I was the target of some bitchy behaviour so I ramped it up in retaliation. I was good at picking up on others insecurities so would use that against them. Not proud of it all but looking back I do feel like it was self preservation.

I'm in my 30s now, nice husband, nice home, lovely children. I'm quite introverted and have a few really close friends I spend time with outside of my family and my dogs.

Interesting. My experience of mean girls is that they're the reasonably attractive girls who are academic no hopers. But who make up for it by being 'mature' with makeup and handbags and boys while the clever swots try and keep their heads down. Early bloomers who fade faster!

My mother bullied me and in turn I bullied some girls at school - but I was also bullied and ma de miserable. I look back with shame and regret and try very hard to be nice to everyone and always include those who might be left out.

Seriously?

i left school within the past decade and all the mean girls now are either single mums or asking for free shit on fb.

Sadly karma doesn’t exist and they usually go on to be successful in their careers and lives leaving people like my poor bullied DD with low self esteem issues. They seem to have no awareness of the destruction of the lives and confidence of others that their actions bring. As a PP said, on their perfect instagram there is often #bekind .

They are usually the loud complaining entitled mums at the school gates, or bullying bosses in my experience. How I wish they would have their comeuppance. Their is a great book called Queen Bees and Wannabes which explains the mean girl dynamic on teenagers.

The bully girls at my dcs' primary school had unpleasant mothers. As young adults they are doing fine though. There hasn't been some huge karma landing on them.

The poor ones in my school are either unemployed, have their own beauty/ tanning businesses or are care assistants. Mostly live in the council estate they grew up in and their partners are very local. They all go to Marmaris every year on holiday together. A lot of them have become body builders.

The wealthy ones mostly became doctors, architects and solicitors and married the same and live in lovely Victorian red brick detached houses. Very few have stayed local, a lot went away for university and stayed away. They meet up yearly on a city break getaway and spend weekends at NT places.

Both sets share anti bullying posts on Facebook and still have the amazing ability to make themselves out to be the victim.

I imagine they are fine

Are they that common though, we didn't have mean girls in my school.

At least you realise it though, Catflapping, which is good. There were more than a few wealthy privileged types at my school and they were dreadful to people who weren't as privileged. Anyone not of their social standing were fair game for braying loud comments about anything - shoes, hair, where you lived, what you ate. Were surprised if you did anything similar to what they did eg "OH you learn the VIOLIN too? Is it an actual REAL violin, or a shoebox with elastic bands on it? HAHAHA... Mine's a (X) brand, it's the best...you won't have heard of it." Etc.

My school mostly had mean boys. They were so much worse than the girls.

You didn’t have any mean girls at your school? Every girl who attended the school was nice and friendly to every other girl? Nobody ever said nasty things behind other people’s backs or excluded people from the group or anything unkind?

I doubt this. Some people are mean or unkind. In groups even people who aren’t bad people are often (unconsciously or uncaringly) hurtful to others.