I’ve name changed for this. And I’m taking ages to type it because it’s a bit rubbish, so I’m sorry if you update and I miss it.
I went outside for two hours last month. I was collected from home and counted every minute until I was dropped off home again. December 2021 was probably the last time before that, and I went from home to the car to my in law’s house and then back again, so not actually outside. My ‘record’ was a little over fourteen months during lockdown, when it was just made so easy for me not to go out.
If you asked me why, I couldn’t tell you. I don’t have a fear that anything in particular will happen, I just have an overwhelming feeling of not wanting to go out. It feels safe indoors. I don’t even go near the front door unless I consciously force myself. I have any packages delivered to my mum’s address and my very kind, patient DH goes and gets them. We don’t have DC, so that obviously makes things easier. I’m able to wfh and although I’m supposed to go into the office a couple of days a week, a blind eye is turned. I have wonderful friends and any one of them would come running if I called them. But it’s so much easier not to.
If you’ve posted because you’re starting to struggle, please, please, please speak to your GP or the mental health nurse if your practice has one. Don’t let yourself get this far down the road because it is very, very hard to turn it around. I’m on lots of medication but for various reasons, cbt isn’t suitable. I’m starting to put things in place in my life which will force me to gradually go outside, as well as using some of the more suitable cbt techniques, but I won’t lie, I’m only doing it for other people. If I was on my own I wouldn’t do it.