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Original poster

Partner won't take his medication...what am I meant to do?

107 replies

tvstandas · 06/10/2022 12:10

Been together 18 months
Live together
He has severe asthma
He's meant to take 8 steroids a day plus 2 other tablets for his airways.
He has been given biological injections for 2 months which has made a massive difference.
Before this he was in hospital twice a month.
Peak flow of 150 below
Now he won't take his tablets because he's depressed but won't take his anti depressants either.
A month he hasn't taken them and his breathing has deteriorated.
I got a pillbox and every day sort them out he won't take them.
He says no and I get told I'm the issue and I'm controlling.
I'm trying to keep him heathy.

I think he misses the attention of being in hospital
I think he misses doctors not knowing how tyou treat him
I'm honestly sick of my life with him
We go on holiday in a month and I can't get excited because he will probably be ill and we won't be able to go.

I don't know what to do anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
tvstandas · 06/10/2022 12:11

The tablets are meant to work alongside the injections

OP posts:
Original poster
tvstandas · 06/10/2022 12:11

He was getting better ,he was like a new man
Why does he want to be ill again?
Does he want to go back in hospital?

OP posts:
PeekabooAtTheZoo · 06/10/2022 12:12

Drop the rope. He is acting like a petulant rebellious teenager because he knows he can’t fail, as you’re there to mother him.
Not your monkeys, not your circus.

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General health
Hugocat1 · 06/10/2022 12:12

Christ I’d be gone. No way would I put up with someone who was determined in keeping himself unwell or possibly dying Fuck that.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 06/10/2022 12:13

You tell him thank goodness you aren't married as you won't promise in sickness and in health if he is deliberately sabataging his health and lifespan. And mean it. You aren't his nurse or carer. Prepare to holiday alone op. Don't be a martyr and miss out.

Lentil63 · 06/10/2022 12:13

You are not his carer. You are not responsible for his health. Email his GP and tell them what you wrote here. If the holiday doesn’t go well perhaps you should reassess your relationship. Good luck!

Original poster
tvstandas · 06/10/2022 12:14

He said he's body doesn't want them
He said I don't understand his mental health
Who would understand this?

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 06/10/2022 12:14

Honestly?

Walk away. 18months and no kids? Walk away or you will have a lifetime of tiptoeing round his health. You can't fix it and you can't force him to help himself. It's soul destroying and you'll end up a shell of yourself.

Sirzy · 06/10/2022 12:14

I presume he is under a complex asthma team? Ask them about mental health support for him (or get him to ask ideally) te team Ds is under includes a psychologist to help with things just like this.

MolliciousIntent · 06/10/2022 12:15

Oh god babe just leave.

Original poster
tvstandas · 06/10/2022 12:16

He has been offered mental health support
He refused it
I got him leaflets for therapy he refused and laughed in my face.
I printed him things off the internet to read
I've asked him to explain how he feels and what I can do to help
I've asked him to take a day-miss a day (to try build up to taking him daily again )

OP posts:
JayPritchet · 06/10/2022 12:16

18 months is too early for you to be worrying about this shit, I wouldn't be with him.

AriettyHomily · 06/10/2022 12:17

Leave.

NotLactoseFree · 06/10/2022 12:17

Agree with PP, this isn't a good long term relationship. It's new and you've already moved in with a man who is going to use his health to control you and everything you do. Because that's what happening - you're already on edge plus I bet because of his health there are all kinds o f things you can't do.

Does he work? Or are you the breadwinner? Again, I assume that he's not working and you are paying for everything. And doing all the housework. Because he's sick.

Throw him back OP. Sorry.

DismantledKing · 06/10/2022 12:17

He’s a dead loss; he won’t take any responsibility for his health. Get rid.

maiafawnly · 06/10/2022 12:17

It's very hard to manage LTC’s with depression and other mental health conditions. What you see as refusal can be involuntary, it's very hard to be motivated for self care when your brain will not allow you to care. He needs to speak to a GP regarding his depression as the medication may no longer be suitable for him. I don't think it's a case of him wanting to be ill, it's his mental health making him incapable of keeping himself well. He needs to deal with that in order to gain control over his other conditions. As a partner all you can do is be supportive empathetic and encouraging, but not forcefull or demanding of his medication.

LovelyChicken · 06/10/2022 12:18

Do you think anyone other than you is responsible for your feelings and behaviour? I'm guessing not, so why do you feel responsible for his. He's not a little boy and you're not his mummy. I'd leave.

Original poster
tvstandas · 06/10/2022 12:19

He said he doesn't want his tablets because he doesn't care if he's here or not
He won't take his antidepressant or speak to anyone about it.
If I mention it he shouts at me and gets angry

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 06/10/2022 12:20

If I mention it he shouts at me and gets angry

This is abusive. Mental health issues do not give you the right to abuse people.

Get out now, please.

nilsmousehammer · 06/10/2022 12:20

Is it a good thing to commit to someone with an open mind about dying and leaving you? And who is ok with worrying you and playing with you like this?

ICanHideButICantRun · 06/10/2022 12:21

You can't help someone who refuses to help himself.

You haven't been involved with him for that long, really. You don't have a long history of a loving relationship. You don't have children together.

He's on a downward spiral and inevitably you will be expected to take care of hi when it all goes belly up.

You need to get out before that happens.

DismantledKing · 06/10/2022 12:23

Nope, he’s being abusive and using his MH as cover. What a wanker.

HotChocolateWithMarshmallows · 06/10/2022 12:23

ICanHideButICantRun · 06/10/2022 12:21

You can't help someone who refuses to help himself.

You haven't been involved with him for that long, really. You don't have a long history of a loving relationship. You don't have children together.

He's on a downward spiral and inevitably you will be expected to take care of hi when it all goes belly up.

You need to get out before that happens.

I agree with this.

You can't help those who don't want to be helped. With all the will in the world, there's nothing you can do.

You need to look after yourself and your needs here too x

Original poster
tvstandas · 06/10/2022 12:23

I say to him you are making me worry
I spend every day worrying about you
I say I spent years looking after my mum who died with breast cancer and spent years worrying about my gran who fire with dementia and you know his answer ....

It's not about you -this isn't about you
Stop being selfish

OP posts:
sarahc336 · 06/10/2022 12:23

Well first op stop being the parent then he can stop being the child sit up and take some responsibility for his own life. He sounds exhausting but your also allowing it. He sat right in that victim role and gets the attention via his health x