Partner won't take his medication...what am I meant to do?

[tvstandas]

Been together 18 months
Live together
He has severe asthma
He's meant to take 8 steroids a day plus 2 other tablets for his airways.
He has been given biological injections for 2 months which has made a massive difference.
Before this he was in hospital twice a month.
Peak flow of 150 below
Now he won't take his tablets because he's depressed but won't take his anti depressants either.
A month he hasn't taken them and his breathing has deteriorated.
I got a pillbox and every day sort them out he won't take them.
He says no and I get told I'm the issue and I'm controlling.
I'm trying to keep him heathy.

I think he misses the attention of being in hospital
I think he misses doctors not knowing how tyou treat him
I'm honestly sick of my life with him
We go on holiday in a month and I can't get excited because he will probably be ill and we won't be able to go.

I don't know what to do anymore

Tell him you've had enough and you are planning to leave. This is not going to get any better.

I spent years with someone with weatal health issues, diagnosed with severe anxiety but I always believed depression also even though he disputed it.

When things were good, it was amazing and a more decent man you couldn't meet.

But when things turned, they were worrying, miserable and stressful.

He didn't refuse all help but it was a case of do therapy & take medication and after a while decide they were cured. Stop both & the cycle would continue.

It got to the stage where I began to notice I was miserable, worried and always came last. There were 3 of us in the relationship him,mental health and me,with me never ever being a priority for even 5 minutes.

Guilty and sympathy also played a large role in my reason to stay. When everything was good, he would never even realise how difficult it was while he had been ill.

I finally left and it was like a weight had been lifted.

You cannot love someone better.
You cannot help someone that refuses to be helped.
Mental health is not an exercise for shitty behaviour - lots of people suffer but don't blame their partner.
It is not your job to fix it.
Your own health will suffer too.

It's an entirely different situation where someone is doing everything they can to help themselves. Following medical guides etc.

His parents

You can't keep him healthy. It's his choice

Taking steroids can be unpleasant. The side effects can get pretty bad. Most people who need them understand that they have to put up with the downsides though.

it doesn’t really matter though. You are only 18 months in. Life is too short for this. You tried. If he won’t help himself, you have to move on.

You're not his nurse
You're not his mum
You're not even his wife!

Why are you putting up with this? You've only been with him 18 months and there's far to much drama, stress and abuse already.

Dump him unless you want this to be the rest of your life

@VimFuego101 hi yes it is that one

You've known him 18 months?

What was he like when you met him?

It doesn't seem all that long ago for there to be massive changes.

Think to yourself, is this stress all worth it OP?

Who took care of him before you came along?

Don't get caught up in a sunk cost fallacy with him. Just because you are with him doesn't mean you have to stay with him.

He is manipulating and controlling you by purposefully refusing to take medication. If he remains unwell, he remains someone who needs care and looking after without him actually needing to do anything.

He is not your burden.

Take someone else on the holiday.

You don't owe him a life living like this and he doesn't owe you a sunny personality in the face of his illnesses.

Are you reading the replies?
Stop obsessing over your boyfriend. Never date an angry man. You’ve only been dating a short time, just dump him. You get one life. Raise your standards significantly.

Some people like to be ill. It brings attention from others. I had a friend like. This. She delighted in being ill, all of the time. And reveled inhthe attention, when in hospital. I stopped bothering with her, after 2 consultant's told her to stop wasting their time, as nothing is wrong with her physically. They reccomended a therapist. Life's too short, to be wasting your life with this person.

Your partner has the right to choose not to take any/ all of his medication.
You are not responsible for his wellbeing and you have the right to walk away, if you wish.
It is obviously a very difficult situation, but perhaps now is the time to start putting your own needs first?

i don't understand why are you still with him. Leave.

I married an alcoholic. I stayed for years to try to fix him, but in the end I couldn’t not drink for him and he didn’t want to enough. When I stopped putting him and his issues first and foremost because I was on my knees with exhaustion, he became abusive (not violent) and eventually, I left. For all that I understood more than anybody that most of his actions were mental health related, that his addiction was part of that and he was ill and hurt and suffering, it didn’t make his behaviour or my caring burden for both of them on top of a full time professional job any easier to bear, I had to accept that he was self destructing and was going to take myself and my daughter down with him if I stayed. It was awful, but it made no difference to us in the end of we got destroyed by a toxic relationship because of his mental health, or because he was a bastard, did it?

I’d wager you can’t fix him, and he won’t either, certainly not while you are there to look after him. If you can’t put up boundaries and let go of responsibility for another adult’s behaviour (and who has the energy for that?) you will get to a point where you need to leave for your own mental health. It might as well be now, then, mightn’t it?

Likes to be ill? I'm going to go out on a limb and say very few people would have the energy to engage in such feats of psychological warfare on a peak flow of 150, it's all I can you to find a pair of shoes and wait for the ambulance to arrive. He's depressed, he's really sick, it's still not your problem.

I was married 30 years. The last 20 of that my husband had psychotic illness. I only stayed with him becuase he would get help (mostly) and after he was fully diagnosed 10 years ago, he took the antipsychotics he was prescribed. If he forgot or deliberately missed them, I could tell by his symptoms and he’d (after a bit of argument) would restart
2 years ago he stopped his meds. He lied and deceived me about it for 7 months. We are now divorced.
he crossed a boundary he knew I had. I would not live with him or stay married if he stopped meds. It was his choice whether to take them, I couldn’t force him, but I sure wasn’t going to stay in same house as him or be married or be his “carer” if he wasn’t taking medical advice

set a clear boundary. Then stick to it.

Why are you staying? Why are you actively choosing this life with an angry man who doesn't give a fuck about your happiness or future wellbeing? Since he won't care for himself he also doesn't care that that would end uo leaving you as a carer or single.

Why OP? Why? Why are you choosing this life as a carer for a miserable man? Do you want to have a miserable life?

OP is probably off googling that medicine a poster mentioned, so she can continue to print off stuff and get shouted at by her shitty boyfriend. You’d think there was a penis shortage. So many people determined to be miserable 😄

He has autonomy. You have to let him do as he chooses with his own health.

I would suggest that if you want to stay in the relationship you need to be able to step back and ignore his health. (If you love him you might be watching and hoping but don't comment on his taking or failing to take pills. If he complains about symptoms - just listen - then talk about something else. Refuse to be drawn in.) The leading a horse saying comes to mind!

If you can't live with his level of self-destruction, note that you don't actually have power to change anything. Perhaps you have to let this one go.

Sounds like Munchausens, do you go to appointments with him?
If so make sure you tell the medical team that he's physically declined because he's not taking the prescribed medication, people who like the attention of being sick will deny the fact they're not taking it and it can waste a lot of time and resources for absolutely no reason.

MIL has it and there's no way I'd be able to be in a relationship with someone like her, I know it's an illness in itself but it's just as debilitating for everyone else.

I am married to someone who for a few years would muck around with his medication, go on and off, take medications that sent him into mania.

I finally gave an ultimatum that either he stopped this crap or me and the kids would be gone. It was no way to live for me or them or even him. He's been stable ever since and does no medication changes without involving me.

You're not his nurse.
You're not his carer.
You're not his psychiatrist.
You're not his wife.

Don't be his doormat.

Don’t embed yourself any further with this man emotionally. He’s not your project. He will ruin your life.