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Original poster

Partner won't take his medication...what am I meant to do?

107 replies

tvstandas · 06/10/2022 12:10

Been together 18 months
Live together
He has severe asthma
He's meant to take 8 steroids a day plus 2 other tablets for his airways.
He has been given biological injections for 2 months which has made a massive difference.
Before this he was in hospital twice a month.
Peak flow of 150 below
Now he won't take his tablets because he's depressed but won't take his anti depressants either.
A month he hasn't taken them and his breathing has deteriorated.
I got a pillbox and every day sort them out he won't take them.
He says no and I get told I'm the issue and I'm controlling.
I'm trying to keep him heathy.

I think he misses the attention of being in hospital
I think he misses doctors not knowing how tyou treat him
I'm honestly sick of my life with him
We go on holiday in a month and I can't get excited because he will probably be ill and we won't be able to go.

I don't know what to do anymore

OP posts:
CormoranStrike · 06/10/2022 12:25

I’d be gone - this will not get better. If he won’t help himself, you would be wise to walk away.

Clymene · 06/10/2022 12:28

Why aren't you responding to anyone? This is a shit relationship with a man who doesn't care about you.

Leave.

Rainbowqueeen · 06/10/2022 12:29

If nothing changes then nothing changes.

Make the change. End the relationship. He won’t change. Yes it’s sad but there is nothing more you can do

Interested in this thread?

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General health
sleighbellsjiggling · 06/10/2022 12:30

I'd honestly get out now OP. I'm in a similar situation but a lot further on and it's made me very resentful.

If you have kids down the line you won't be able to trust that you can leave them with him as there's inevitably a phone call to say to come home as he can't cope. You'll take on the lions share of the work at home because he's constantly resting from being ill. And there's not much security if he loses jobs from taking time off.

With a long term health issue it's something you do because you love them and you want to make their life easier, in this situation he could make himself better and is choosing not to, whether that's MH related or not.

You have my every sympathy OP

greenhousegal · 06/10/2022 12:32

Ask yourself what benefits you get from living in this relationship. Ask yourself why you are doing it. Ask yourself what would make you happy right now (apart from him medicating which he won't do). Think it through on your terms, then get the hell out of Dodge.

But.... if you think staying will make you very happy then stay. You have to decide, we cannot. But I know what I would do, and it wouldn't be staying and living like you are. You have given him plenty of chances. Be kind to yourself and make the right decision. Holidays pale into insignificance if your underlying life is shit.

Summerhillsquare · 06/10/2022 12:34

He wants his own carer and he's found you.

Asthma, as with other chronic conditions, only becomes liveable when the sufferer accepts it and actively managed it.

DismantledKing · 06/10/2022 12:35

Don’t be a rescuer
don’t be a people pleaser.

UrgentScurryfunge · 06/10/2022 12:35

You're not his mummy, and you are supposed to be his partner of your own free will.
You can't fix him.
He doesn't want to fix himself.
Don't break yourself for him. It won't be appreciated.
Don't fall for the sunk costs fallacy.

I've got a child who's had months of out of control asthma and it's scary, wearing and frustrating. My u10 is taking more responsibility for his health and being obliging about his tablets and inhalers than this grown man. Occasionally he'll make an error like leave an inhaler somewhere but that's forgivable.

My dad died prematurely (when I was a child) because he neglected his health, and downplayed it to HCPs even on the day he died (according to the inquest). It's not a trait I have patience or sympathy with.

Soubriquet · 06/10/2022 12:39

Stop mothering him and leave.

Let him go to hospital and have his attention ans fawning.

dont let him drag you with him

INeedNewShoes · 06/10/2022 12:41

You leave.

You can't rescue him.

DenholmElliot1 · 06/10/2022 12:44

Just drop the rope like a PP said.

Let him get on with it as long as its not impacting on your life.

If it is impacting on your life, ie, stopping you having a holiday, then really you just have to make a decision as to we whether you want to live like this or not.

You will feel a huge sense of relief once you stop trying.

And yes, lots of people like the attention they get off medical professionals. Usually low achievers, or people who have not really achieved much in life.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 06/10/2022 12:49

You can not help someone who won't help himself
Leave now, it doesn't seem like there's much in this short term relationship
You can't fix him, so don't keep trying
You haven't promised to stay in sickness and health and there are no ties

Aquamarine1029 · 06/10/2022 12:51

Stop trying to be the fixer/rescuer. This relationship is a toxic mess and you need to leave him immediately. You're just wasting your time and destroying your own mental health in being with him.

Notanotherwindow · 06/10/2022 12:52

Oh god just walk. Or better still, run. This shit will only get worse. At 18 months you're still in the honeymoon stage, imagine what he'll be like when he knows you won't walk away.

CrookCrane · 06/10/2022 12:52

You’ve said it all yourself OP -

I think he misses the attention of being in hospital
I think he misses doctors not knowing how tyou treat him
I'm honestly sick of my life with him

Time to move on with your life.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 06/10/2022 12:53

tvstandas · 06/10/2022 12:23

I say to him you are making me worry
I spend every day worrying about you
I say I spent years looking after my mum who died with breast cancer and spent years worrying about my gran who fire with dementia and you know his answer ....

It's not about you -this isn't about you
Stop being selfish

Does he drink, by any chance? Because it sounds like he's gone for a Saviour in you.

DenholmElliot1 · 06/10/2022 12:55

How old is he? How on earth did he manage with his health before you came along (to save him and provide him with a place with live/domestic comfort/free sex/housework)

Azerothi · 06/10/2022 12:55

He is right, it isn't about you. So let him get on with it and don't let this current boyfriend ruin your life.

Ship · 06/10/2022 12:55

He’s not listening to you and refusing to make his life better. You’re doing the same on here- not listening to anyone about how to make your life better. There’s only so much advice people can give you. Leave or be stuck with it.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 06/10/2022 12:58

What do you think your options are OP?

Badger1970 · 06/10/2022 12:59

He's getting attention from you, that's why he's doing it.

If you want to spend your life being his doormat, your choice.

VimFuego101 · 06/10/2022 13:02

Is one of the meds montelukenast?(sp). I only ask because it can cause suicidal thoughts and mood swings and may be causing or impacting on his depression. DSD had a terrible time on it - she had mood swings, would bite her arms in her sleep...

Twizbe · 06/10/2022 13:02

I suspect the OP has now left the thread because she doesn't want to hear that she needs to leave.

You cannot save him. It's not your job to save him.

Leave now before you have a child with him.

SunshineLoving · 06/10/2022 13:06

Leave him. It seems you are getting no happiness out of this relationship, are being treated like dirt and he has serious attention seeking issues.

HappyHamsters · 06/10/2022 13:07

You can write to his gp to let them now then make arrangements to leave.