People dying in their fifties and sixties?

[antelopevalley]

I know the stats around life expectancy, but I am finding it mentally hard that so many people I know have died in their fifties and sixties. A few were expected e.g. colleague who was a functional alcoholic, but so many were not expected. A marathon runner who was very fit. A slim and active woman who died of cancer. Another woman who was sporty who died of a rare lung infection. etc etc.

I really do not expect this as I got older. It makes me afraid and makes me worry my partner could die at any time.

I get what you are saying OP

bit would not have gotten it 10 yrs ago, at 40

now in my 50s and thinking Bloody Hell!

no wonder people get midlife crises…

I think this is a really interesting and important thread. It's too easy to switch off from our mortality and get swept up in micro worries

Gum health well worth the time & effort of good brushing, flossing & routine hygienist treatments.

Swollen inflamed gums are - to oversimplify - open wounds in the mouth allowing bacteria & other pathogens into the blood stream, & a contributory factor to general inflammation in the body.

I was gob smacked or maybe gum smacked when I played with the longevity quiz on the Mayo Clinic website, it turns out that regular flossing (& I assume all other gum health actions) add years to estimated life span.

I am now 49 and although I’ve worried about his all my life (have really struggled with health anxiety) what really worries me is the amount of people I know who have developed cancer have ended up in advanced stages (and sadly dying) because their doctors have diagnosed the symptoms as not being serious because they deemed them too young to have anything worrying.
One 43 year old passed away last year from a perforated bowel, he had been diagnosed with IBS but actually had advanced bowel cancer.
Another in his 40’s had terminal lung cancer and despite suffering from long term lung lesions was told as a non-smoker he could not possibly have cancer.

I'm more aware now as DH is 18 years older than me. He's late 50s and I am within a hare's breath of 40. Our youngest DD is 11.
He's had a few health scares and working from 16 in a manual job started showing in his joints by his 40s.

In the last few weeks a colleague of his died (cancer, 40s) and an acquaintance of mine (late 40s, heart). One had no DC, the other had young DC. Awful either way.

@Sonnex the young people you know may be sport playing vegans who don't drink alcohol - but there are an awful lot of youngsters who seem to survive on burgers and fried chicken and are hugely over weight .

I'm 55 and had recent tests for cancer as I had an inexplicable lump appear on my neck . The questions on the consultants shopping list of dangers in the order asked.

1. Did I have a close relative who had ever had cancer .
2. How old were my parents
3. Had I ever smoked
4. Had I ever worked anywhere involving asbestos or chemicals .
5. Had I ever consumed more alcohol than recommended guidelines .

That was it .
I asked about obesity as I'm overweight and he laughed saying no slim people get cancer too . Obesity is more for diabetes etc etc .

Lost my mum when she was 48, dads 60 now and i'm scared to death he could go any day as has a few health conditions.

My mother died from a brain tumour just after her 40th birthday when I was 18. Her mother also died young, before I was born. I just didn't expect to live past 40, so every year since then feels like a bonus. I'm knocking on the door of 62 and feel so lucky.

Yes it seems unfair at times. Both OHs parents drank like fish and smoked heavily most of their lives. They didn’t take any exercise in later life either. Both died late eighties. My father lived very healthily. Hardly drank, gave up smoking in his twenties. Took exercise. He died of cancer at 74.

OP I think it is a really interesting thread and we all have to come to terms with our own mortality and I think when you head into your 50s it all feels so much nearer!
The literature says that overall we have been living longer and healthier as healthcare has improved but that we are starting to lose some of the gains as our sedentary lifestyles and diets are catching up.

Also the one disease, that we haven't really been able to reduce in terms of its prevalence, despite all our gains, is Cancer, and there is a huge inflammation link to cancer, which is diet, lifestyle, stress etc..all of which build up over time of course. Maybe there is a tipping point, in our 50's ..and thats when it all catches up with us!?

It’s not that uncommon where I live. I don’t think I’ll reach much beyond 70. There’s places in Glasgow where life expectancy is mid fifties

Why is the idea that people can be at peace with their mortality so troubling to you that you think they must have ‘issues’?!

I find your attitude more extraordinary to be honest!

Young people get dementia too. My mum had it in her late 50s.. There are people with a genetic mutation which means they are guaranteed to get it in their 40s. Children can get it. The youngest child I heard developed dementia age 5. Bloody tragic.

I understand that a whole raft of cancers are now becoming more prevalent in younger ( under 50) age groups.

My beloved grandmother died of a brain tumour in her sixties, when I was 12. I remember being told by friends and even some older family that is was less of a "tragedy" as she was "old anyway". Now I'm 35 I realise that's no age at all really. My own mum just turned 60 and I lie awake some nights thinking about how I will ever cope without her.

Even though it may contribute to my early demise, I definitely need a drink after reading this thread!

Some forms of cancer are lifestyle though - I had a relative who died from oesophageal cancer, but smoking was given as the cause.

Jesus Christ! Or perhaps I was actually trying to be genuine,on your side and trying to help you not feel so down about it.
and perhaps I’ve known death and knowing and seen that you do indeed need to grab life whilst you can because it’s so unfairly fleeting sometimes.don’t jump on me unless you no what I meant thanks. Shoving it back in my face has made me feel shot so good for you.
no meme. No patronising. Just actually wanting you to be ok and able to not be drowned by your losses.

My perspective is probably skewed. I'm just finishing treatment for early breast cancer, at the grand old age of 37 with a 3 year old and a 6 month old. I have hopefully now got the all clear. But even after being told by my oncologist I should be fine, if I get to my 50s or 60s I'll be absolutely thrilled.

Getting old is a privilege. Seeing your children grow up is a privilege

I love the way some people are total rebels. My late mother's sister is still with us aged 79, she is quite a character. Not married and no children and is mad as a box of frogs in a nice way.

Anyway she was never sick in her life until one day she was carted off to A+E by her book club friends when she passed out and came over all dizzy and short of breath etc. Initially they thought Covid, and then suspected stroke. So as someone mentioned above she was asked the usual questions, smoke? drink? parents illnesses if any? You get the picture.

Well auntie vapes all day, drinks port and brandy and although she eats well is prone to grabbing crap if she is too lazy to cook. She said she didn't smoke or drink and ate well. They did chest xray, liver enzymes and brain scan. Consultant said "it is just as well you never smoked or drank as I can see nothing on your tests". Huh she said they know fuck all and just want to pin your illness on something YOU did. She had her own room in the hospital (private), and had vapes delivered to her which she puffed in her bathroom. I love her to bits and she will go when she is ready.

Life and death are a lottery in lots of ways.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron

no 3 on the list is smoking , so yes a lifestyle risk

Not just you feels like that, OP, I read your type of worries often on MN, near incessant worrying about things (like cancer) you have so little control of.

Please don't spend so much time worrying about a maybe future that you stop living your actual now as best you can.

Oesophageal cancer is also linked to alcohol consumption

@kateandme I am sorry if I misunderstood you.
I actually do try and grab every bit of joy I can as life is so fragile. But in the quiet hours when everyone is busy the thoughts come.

Yanbu know off quite a few dieing young including people in their 20s and 30s aswell, so when I hear 50s and 60s it doesn't shock me.