Grandparents asking what they should buy for presents

[ThirstyMeeples]

What are people's thoughts on this? I feel irritated if I'm honest but that's probably because I'm endlessly busy and it feels like another job to do. My kids are 13,11 and 9 and quite tricky to buy for. I have a hard enough time thinking of what to get them myself.
I feel both sets of grandparents don't even attempt to think of an idea (and they are involved and interested in other ways so no excuse about not knowing what they like)
I'm probably just feeling grumpy and think it's linked to being so busy all the time.
I usually end up researching and often ordering the presents for them (and sometimes even wrapping!) so I just get a bit frustrated and wish they'd at least try.
Anyone else the same or do you happily provide ideas??

I ask the kids myself, send me a list, they then go to Amazon, pick what they'd like, tell me size, colour if clothes for instance, they're both teenagers, so it's an easy way to do it. Plus I always add money in as well.

Yes, my PIL do this. DD asked for two particular branded make up brushes, they bought her a giant set of crappy makeup brushes and a make up bag because they thought it looked better. They spent more than the brushes DD wanted would cost.
Now they've discovered the world of tat on Amazon it's even worse!

But my kids don't seem to want/need a lot! (apart from some perfect, unthought of, surprising presents) so it falls to me to research and try my best.

@ThirstyMeeples My son is like this, he honestly wants very little so it has been very difficult for wider family. His grandparents now buy him Premium Bonds for birthday and Christmas. I like this because it's a good present which will keep its value (and he's won quite a bit) and if he does think of any items he wants, DH and I can get them. Any spares can be offered out. It's just getting harder as he gets older, it was great when he was little and happily accepted anything!

I know completely how you feel. I also felt irritated by this. So much wifework when I’m already working full time and overloaded when they ask this i.e at Xmas and birthdays. I also had requests from dhs siblings for exact details of what to get. In the end I made it clear dh had to deal with his side of the family when it came to present suggestions. I just refused to get involved. This means in effect the kids now very often get duplicates or things they don’t need or want because of poor communication between dh and his family. I treat it as no biggie. I find it quite liberating knowing that when the present isn’t perfect it isn’t actually my fault.

so my recommendation is just to let it go!

We have small grandchildren. We always ask the parents as they have LOADS.
Birthdays is usually some money and a small gift. Addition to wooden trains set always a winner for us.
This year its a wooden dollshouse ( 2nd hand) for one....no idea yet for the others.

I hate it too. One set of GPs comes up with a few ideas and I say yes or no, which is fine. The other set just ask what to buy, which is really bloody annoying.
My life would be so much easier too if I didn't have to think about gifts and someone told me exactly what to buy and all I had to do was throw money at it. But they don't and I already have my own gifts to think about and buy so why should I take on that burden for others too.

My favourite gifts from my grandparents as a child weren't anything big or flashy. They were little things they had seen and thought I'd like. It's so much more meaningful.

I find it immensely frustrating, DH's parents do this, and in spite of his attempts to stop them, they always seem to come to me with these requests not him!

My dad puts money straight into their bank accounts, which is hardly original but much appreciated, and my mum tries very hard to seek out original gifts that she thinks they'd like - she doesn't always get it right, though she does more often than not, and I think they appreciate that she tried.

But PILs want, not just a list, but a list with links, so they don't even have to bother looking online themselves, which they then send straight to me, so I can wrap them, give them to the DC, and then get them to send Granny a lovely thank you message for the thoughtful gift.

I know I'm supposed to be grateful they're getting my kids a gift. I'm not.

Day out vouchers!
Thats what I tell grandparents!
So far soft play center, Trampoliene park, Theme park/Farm parks

God, I find this so annoying too. I still get it for my own bloody birthdays! I don't mind for my own parents I must say, as I am comfortable to be blunt and discuss money with them. But I have a few relatives (think aunties and cousins) who insist on me telling them what to buy. It makes me feel so uncomfortable, and I feel like it ruins the point of a gift.

Vouchers and a selection box?

Failing that, an actual chocolate teapot would go down quite well here.

I prefer being asked - it's less "wifework" for me to suggest an appropriate gift than to find a space for unwanted junk until it can be disposed of.

Well you could just say I don’t know what the kids want and leave it up to them. No one’s forcing you to give ideas. Personally I think it’s a good thing. I bought presents for my nephews and I’m sure a lot of them don’t get used. I don’t buy tat either. I bought one a kids smart watch and not once have they mentioned it or worn it. I remember I bought one nephew a birthday present. I spent a good amount. I asked his parents does he like his present, does he use it? They told me to my face that he doesn’t use it.
Now we just ask them what they want and their mother gives links to things. I think it was easier when we were younger. We had the Argos catalogue and you’d just circle what you wanted and relatives would buy it. Children are incredibly fussy and change their minds constantly these days.

See, whilst I kind of get where you're coming from, as for you it is just another job to add to your to do list, we have one side who ask us what our daughter wants, if it can be bought online we send the link and the buy it, if not they transfer us the money and we buy it, job done. We then have another side who just buy and buy and buy ridiculous amounts of stuff, that will never get played with, we have no room for, my daughter isn't remotely interested in, and it's all so they can rock up at Christmas with armfuls of presents for show. Half the time they don't even remember what's inside them themselves 😳 so I much prefer being asked, makes my life loads easier.

I felt a bit like OP at DS’s first bday and Christmas, EVERYONE asked me for ideas.

I now keep a list that I add to throughout the year so I have plenty of things of varying size/ cost that I can pick things from for those who ask. It is better than duplicates I figured 🤷🏼‍♀️

With DF I’ve given up on the whole charade. Instead of waiting for him to ask for ‘ideas’, and then want a link, and then want to send it here for me to wrap, nowadays I just take one of the gifts I’ve bought for each child and write “love from Gramps” on it. I then inform him on Christmas morning what he’s ‘given’ them. He’s very happy with this arrangement. Zero effort on his part. Sometimes he remembers to give me the cash, sometimes he doesn’t.

It’s a absolute mockery of gift giving. But I like to maintain the illusion of the caring grandparent.

This has driven me crackers over the years, mainly because I have no idea of their budget so just don't know where to pitch it and I'm always really conscious of looking cheeky and don't like to ask. Also because they usually don't ask until a week or so before. We usually end up "selling" bits that we have already bought, lists wouldn't work because the grandparents don't have any contact with one another and one set are spectacularly last minute. What really peed me off one year is how long we took carefully choosing our daughters first "big" bike, deliberating over which one would be best and which she would like the most, ordering it, collecting it and during an email exchange with my parents (who were living abroad at the time) they said they wanted to give her the bike from them. I didn't feel I could say no but I wasn't impressed, we had virtually no time to figure out what we could get for her and after all that effort we went to, just felt they swanned in, took the glory having given no thought whatsoever into what they could get for her. They didn't even ask!

I understand the reason for asking but when you've had to wrack your brain for ideas of your own then get hit with 2+ requests for more, it can be stressful.

I think I'd prefer if DM at least gave it a little bit of thought herself and some options to choose from, e.g 'I'm thinking of getting x but let me know if there's something they really wanted that you're not getting, or I could send money instead'. Rather than handing the whole problem to me.

Currently I have to specify exactly, then send the link, then answer 100 questions about the link, then ultimately she gives up and sends me money to order it myself, 6 times a year.

You have literally nobody to blame for any of this other than yourself.
Of course you could have said no to them giving her the bike! I can't see why on earth you would have agreed to this!
Same when they didn't ask until a week before, why didn't you just say "I've got no idea we've sorted everything, you should have asked me two months ago."

Best result they learn and sort themselves out next year
Worst result they don't get your kids anything - if you're reallocating the presents you've bought from you to their grandparents then they end up with the same amount of presents anyway so nobody loses out.

My PIL often ask what the kids want and we tell them some ideas which they then totally ignore and buy whatever they fancy. So now I just tell them to get an Amazon voucher.
We live overseas from them and they also always send a card that arrives over a month late. They’re nice people so I don’t really get if it’s some passive aggressive “you’re so far away”
move but my kids just shrug it off anyway but I think, how hard is it, after 12 years, to realise that cards take 10 days to get here? Every other single person I know manages it.

parents/PiLs used to ask for suggestions for the DC - they simply wanted to ensure they bought something the child would enjoy (and usually bought some other small items to go with it). As the DC were older they would also ask DC but check with us in case of duplication. Siblings on both sides would sometimes do similar, as did we.

We split the asks, each doing our own side of the family and encouraged the DC to make wish lists.

If the DC don't know what they want and you/partner cannot think of anything then money/vouchers is the way to go. Its not worth losing sleep over tbh unless there is some dark difficult relationship in the mix.

I know how you feel . I have 5 people that ask me what to get my two dd’s.
it’s time consuming BUT it’s better than them getting something that’s not going to be used

now what I do is I get them to cut out from the smyths magazine a wish list and a Santa list .
Wish list things that cost around €20/€25 are given to relatives and the rest goes to Santa .

At those ages, surely just give them money, and then they can get what they want.

Grandparents simply don’t want to waste their money buying items that older children think are naff.
They are happy (usually) to give presents that are wanted. The parents know what the latest trends are & best equipped to make suggestions.

Yep, but now I also have to shop for them too!

Oh god this drives me mad! My mum has messaged about ten times this year saying she wants ideas for what to buy me, my partner and my kids. By ideas she means 'list of items to purchase so I don't have to put any effort into thinking of things'. I gave her two ideas for my daughter, she replied with "ordered... now everyone else please". It's like a tick box exercise for her and removes any of the joy. She absolutely refuses to tell us what she would like, saying it's the thought that counts and she isn't materialistic and that she'd rather have nothing etc etc. Yet she knows I have to get her something because she's my mum and it's Christmas. Anyway.... like you, I find it difficult enough to think of what to get myself, so to have to think doubly as hard when she doesn't have to think at all irritates me.

Most of the grandparents are 50/60 years older than their grand kids. How are they supposed to know what kids are into these days. You sound very hard to please and ungrateful.