Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Grandparents asking what they should buy for presents

108 replies

ThirstyMeeples · 05/10/2022 17:36

What are people's thoughts on this? I feel irritated if I'm honest but that's probably because I'm endlessly busy and it feels like another job to do. My kids are 13,11 and 9 and quite tricky to buy for. I have a hard enough time thinking of what to get them myself.
I feel both sets of grandparents don't even attempt to think of an idea (and they are involved and interested in other ways so no excuse about not knowing what they like)
I'm probably just feeling grumpy and think it's linked to being so busy all the time.
I usually end up researching and often ordering the presents for them (and sometimes even wrapping!) so I just get a bit frustrated and wish they'd at least try.
Anyone else the same or do you happily provide ideas??

OP posts:
VenusClapTrap · 05/10/2022 17:52

But honestly, it’s just another part of wife work that breaks my head. Like I’m in charge of everyone’s happiness all the time. I especially find it difficult when DHs family messages me not him about this.

I agree with this. I also think it’s a bit lazy. At least come up with some ideas and ask if they’re on the right lines! Every birthday and Christmas I have to come up with gift ideas from ourselves and grandparents on both sides. It’s supposed to be the thought that counts, but there’s no thought on their part, they’re just ticking a box.

SparkyBlue · 05/10/2022 17:53

Mine always ask and I love it. Saves crap coming into the house that's unwanted or unneeded.

Turtles4543 · 05/10/2022 17:53

Yes I feel the same, and then they don’t like my suggestions!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General shopping
Pickledcurlywurly · 05/10/2022 17:53

This is why we do Amazon wish lists in our family.

I'd sooner do what my parents do (ask what the kids want and actually buy something they like) than what PIL do (raid B&M and dump five sacks of plastic tat on us that the kids don't like and won't play with).

Surely the grandparents are capable of chucking £50 in a card.

GoneBeserk · 05/10/2022 17:53

I love the fact the DGPs ask me what to buy. I'd hate for them to waste money on something DD or DS wouldnt like or enjoy. If I can't think if anything they randomly buy clothes - usually nice ones but not always necessary - so I do try to give them some ideas!

Original poster
ThirstyMeeples · 05/10/2022 17:54

Yes to wife work! Hit the nail on the head

OP posts:
LearnerCook · 05/10/2022 17:54

They're your kids. You know what they do or don't need and like or dislike. So tell them. You sound very ungrateful to people who are simply trying to buy something that your kids will enjoy/won't annoy you/be a duplicate.

Soubriquet · 05/10/2022 17:54

I prefer them asking because then I can be sure they dc get what they would like rather than random tat from B and M

sunshinesupermum · 05/10/2022 17:55

BTW vouchers may be a good thing once children hit their teens but DD1 hates the fact that her father sends her boys these and says he hasn't put in any thought nor ever contacts or sees his grandsons. She'd rather he paid them some attention.

YennefersDress · 05/10/2022 17:55

orangeisthenewpuce · 05/10/2022 17:46

Good grief OP, they are trying to do a good thing by asking instead of getting the wrong thing and you find that irritating? Just ask your children and tell the grandparents. It's not difficult. You can't win with some people

This. Bloody hell, they're trying to be thoughtful, respectful as well (by not getting something you're unhappy for them to have and asking your thoughts) and you're still complaining.

sunshinesupermum · 05/10/2022 17:56

Exactly 'Soubriquet'

Southlandssue · 05/10/2022 17:57

@ThirstyMeeples totally with you on this one, drives me crackers.

@ThatsTheWayIHikeIt your approach is fine but please don’t remind me multiple times

FusionChefGeoff · 05/10/2022 17:57

It drives me fucking mad. It's the thought that counts - SO PUT SOME FUCKING THOUGHT INTO IT

YorkshireIndie · 05/10/2022 17:58

I would rather provide ideas and suggestions instead of have random crap that they will not use.

I have sent links with if you are looking for ideas but can you let me know if you are not going to get so I can get it etc

HavfrueDenizKisi · 05/10/2022 17:59

I understand you OP. We get this from DH's side mostly for every birthday or Xmas. And they always ask me and not DH (they're his kids too you know).

It pisses me off big style. It's hard enough thinking of ideas now (secondary school age) and their lists are either 2 lines long or full of super expensive stuff. Let alone having to come up with ideas for GPs too. Plus if I say something slightly generic they actually ask for a fucking link. FML.

I'd say money but they don't want to give that.

StopStartStop · 05/10/2022 18:00

We ask because we aren't allowed enough time with our grandchildren to get to know them properly.

In lockdown, I lived with my dd, d son-in-law and dgd. I didn't have to ask what to buy as presents because I knew, I spent time with the child every day.

You want your child to have presents. Grandparents want to give presents. Everyone wants presents to be suitable. Facilitate that and stop being unpleasant about it.

Batshittery · 05/10/2022 18:01

As a grandparent, it's not that I can't think of anything, it's that the GC already have so much stuff. They come to my house more often so I don't know what they already have. If they are asked, they tell me the same things they tell their parents and their other GP's, so it's more a matter of trying to avoid duplication

Batshittery · 05/10/2022 18:03

I do buy and wrap the presents myself

TheTeenageYears · 05/10/2022 18:03

I loathe wasted gifts so have spent many years coming up with suggestions and often buying on behalf of (reasonable in our particular circumstances). It does feel like a huge weight but it comes down to the least worst option and personally I would rather do the thinking than have crap the DC don't want/need/use.

SageRosemary · 05/10/2022 18:04

In this house the sole surviving grandparent gifts the DC pyjamas and money every year. DC will regularly say things like "Granny buys the best pyjamas ever!"

In reality, I buy the pyjamas, I have done so for about the last 10 years. DC (older teenagers now) get age appropriate pyjamas that will fit them. Priority is softness. Sometimes they are summer shortie pyjamas, sometimes cosy velour, Granny always seems to know what they need. I keep an eye out from September for just the right pair if I am out and about in the shops. Win, Win, pyjamas fit, colour is suitable and they are loved and worn, Granny is legendary. I'll never burst that bubble!

When Granny and Grandad did their own shopping they would always check to see what Santa was bringing, so if it was a Doll's House, they would get the furniture/figurines, if it was a Sylvanian School then they would get a Sylvanian family etc.

Dogsgottabone · 05/10/2022 18:06

Both grandmothers take DD14 out for a day after Xmas. Usually theatre and shopping.
DD gets stuff she wants and grandmothers get quality time.

DS just gets cash or amazon vouchers before Xmas so he can buy his present to open on Xmas day.

Foxesforme · 05/10/2022 18:11

I hear you OP. This happens in our house too. And I'm not at all ungrateful and I know it's for the best and I'm glad that DC will get something they want...but it is another job to do and I always find myself under a lot of time pressure coming up to Christmas. And usually fairly short on ideas too. A lot of it is my own fault for not being organised I guess.
So I don't blame relatives for doing it and I know it's a good idea and I really am very grateful for their interest in DC. But I do still find it quite stressful trying to organise all the gifts.

BuildersTeaMaker · 05/10/2022 18:14

Get each child to write a wish list with mixture of cheap vs more expensive things. Get grandparents to give them guidelines of amount
get them to keep their lists updated now until they finally leave home. They can add stuff as they see it through the year, remove as they’re given it or buy it themselves etc

they’re perfectly old enough now to do this.

alist means they will get a surprise but it’ll be something they want
loads of people do this- my niece has a whole Pinterest these days- all cheap random stuff that she’s seen on say Etsy, or a shop etc …it’s lovely seeing what she’s found and choosing something for. It.

BuildersTeaMaker · 05/10/2022 18:16

my kids used to get

  1. a sum deposited in their child saver
  2. a bit of cash (equiv of around £30 these days
  3. A parcel containing random stuff like sweets, socks, book, - sort of a birthday stocking if you like
they’re grandparents lived 400 miles away and they still think about those parcels .
CoffeeChocolateWine · 05/10/2022 18:20

This used to annoy me more than it does now. My PIL never give it any thought and never have done. They just ask me what they should get. Same with my BILs on my husband's side. My DPs will always say 'I was wondering if GC would like this or is there something else they would prefer?' I always appreciate that they at least have a think about it.

But my DC, especially the older two, are getting more particular in their tastes as they get older and I think it's better for everyone that they have something they actually want - they are happy, the gift gets used and the buyer hasn't wasted their money! Or give cash- never not appreciated.

What I tend to do now is create an Amazon wish list for each child and I can share it with whoever asks for ideas.