Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Grandparents asking what they should buy for presents

108 replies

ThirstyMeeples · 05/10/2022 17:36

What are people's thoughts on this? I feel irritated if I'm honest but that's probably because I'm endlessly busy and it feels like another job to do. My kids are 13,11 and 9 and quite tricky to buy for. I have a hard enough time thinking of what to get them myself.
I feel both sets of grandparents don't even attempt to think of an idea (and they are involved and interested in other ways so no excuse about not knowing what they like)
I'm probably just feeling grumpy and think it's linked to being so busy all the time.
I usually end up researching and often ordering the presents for them (and sometimes even wrapping!) so I just get a bit frustrated and wish they'd at least try.
Anyone else the same or do you happily provide ideas??

OP posts:
Original poster
ThirstyMeeples · 05/10/2022 18:21

Some great ideas here-thanks.
Stopstartstop- I'm so sorry that you haven't had the chance to know your grandkids well. That must be hard. And sounds like you do the absolute best you can.
Ungrateful isn't the emotion I feel at all. But yes, I do feel irritated. Again, this is a reflection of my own stress.
I think a nice balance could be the grandparents asking, me saying I haven't any specific ideas and then them taking the initiative. I do understand that I may have more of an idea about what they want/need.
But my kids don't seem to want/need a lot! (apart from some perfect, unthought of, surprising presents) so it falls to me to research and try my best.
Thanks to everyone that is replying-definitely helps to put it in perspective but also nice to know I'm not alone!

OP posts:
Abraxan · 05/10/2022 18:22

We happily provide ideas and always have done.
We knew dd best, knew what she already had, knew what she was likely to want/need next, etc. It avoided things she didn't want.need and duplicates.

We've always just had Amazon gift idea lists, updated as and when we got an idea, and including things from various places, not just Amazon. Was shared with relatives who requested it. Most of our family use the similar type of list and it works well for us. Means you don't have to ask/answer and there is something just there to refer to.

By the time dd was about 10/11 she updated it herself with me just checking over it occasionally to make sure there wasn't anything not suitable added,

I don't like giving/receiving money for presents so this works best for us and always has done.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 05/10/2022 18:23

Well I’m not gonna bother asking my DSD what I should get for DGS 4th birthday then and just go right ahead with the drum kit as I’m 100% sure he’s not got one.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General shopping
YorkieTheRabbit · 05/10/2022 18:24

When DP’s grandson was small he loved pirates, one birthday we bought him a pirate ship.
His other grandparents also bought him a ship, a different type but not so different, we also ended up buying him the same book.
Since then, I’ve always asked. Now in his teens, he has a wish list for birthdays and Christmas.
I always order and wrap.

AngelinaFibres · 05/10/2022 18:31

kitcat15 · 05/10/2022 17:42

God grandparents can’t win can they….they are likely asking as kids of that age are very particular and they want to get them something they like and as parents you are likely to know best….l talk about fucking ungrateful

This.

Bluevelvetsofa · 05/10/2022 18:35

The teenagers have money for Christmas and birthdays. The 7 year old I’ve rarely seen, so I usually Google ideas for 7 year olds. I don’t usually hear whether the gifts were liked or not.

Goldfishjones · 05/10/2022 18:39

"oh if you can't think of anything, just put some cash in a card".

YANBU they are being lazy, stop doing their thinking. It's their present, it's the thought that counts. No thought, no present.

Mojoj · 05/10/2022 18:42

Cold hard cash works every time. Simples🤣🤣

latetothefisting · 05/10/2022 18:47

"I think a nice balance could be the grandparents asking, me saying I haven't any specific ideas and then them taking the initiative."
So do that. They don't know that you don't have any ideas until they ask you! Realistically, if you respond 'Sorry I have no ideas at all, I don't even know what I'm getting from them myself, I've asked but got no response. Why don't you try asking yourself next time you chat to them, you might get more sense than me, if not they always like cash or vouchers (Nandos for Lauren, Sports directfor Tim)?

It's a very definite answer, so they are unlikely to keep nagging you, and if they do you can just repeat. 'Sorry, like I said I've got no ideas. Have you asked them yourself?'

As long as you accept, and you make clear to your kids, that if they don't give people suggestions they can't then express unhappiness if people buy something they don't like! One year of getting really awful presents and I bet they'll have a list ready for you by September next year Grin

Other than that, suggesting they start amazon/etsy wishlishes and update them throughout the year whenever they see something they like is a good idea.

Ragwort · 05/10/2022 18:48

So much better to ask rather than ending up with crap or yet another Lego set (if your DC doesn't like Lego). But just ask for a contribution towards their saving account ... most DC have far too many toys.

autienotnaughty · 05/10/2022 18:48

I just give suggestions, there's quite often thing dc want and they do a list.

latetothefisting · 05/10/2022 18:51

also - have you looked on here at all the christmas presents threads for inspiration? there are loads of threads 'what are you getting for your teen girl who likes makeup/ten year old boy into minecraft and yodelling' etc. Might prompt some ideas for that illusive perfect surprise present. Up to you if you share any suggestions with grandparents or keep them for yourself!

Ragwort · 05/10/2022 18:52

Thirsty but you say yourself that your kids don't want or need much so then just suggest money for their savings account ... my DS (21) already has a fairly decent pension pot Grin properly invested plus savings for a deposit when he buys his first home.

JJsdadisatwat · 05/10/2022 18:53

I prefer it.

PIL always used to buy the ex what ever they (PIL) liked. It was never anything dc wanted or needed (think unicorns and barbies for dd who hated dolls, pink and glitter). Huge piles of gifts, and it was such a waste, they would end up sat unused until I donated them.

DH had to ask them to accept a list. They aren’t happy at all. They will ask what they want, I will send a link to something off amazon. It’s so much better this way, no one is wasting money.

TheRubyRedshoes · 05/10/2022 18:56

Money, money, money.

What's wrong with money? Don't we all adore money to buy what we want? ..and you can open accounts for them,eg hyper Jar and encourage them to save a little and spend a little. ... failing that,

Tickets for local attractions, one great present was a year at London zoo.

TheChosenTwo · 05/10/2022 19:00

Arghhh my mum is the main culprit of this in my family and it does my nut in too!
2 of my dc have November birthdays so she asks me for ideas for them both for birthdays and Christmas- and I know why, she wants to get them something they like, want, will use etc etc.
Trouble is, they rarely ask for anything, their lists normally have about 3 things on and then I’m stuck on what to get for them!
she refused to do cash or vouchers for Christmas although doesn’t mind for birthdays.
i agree that it just makes more work!
And before anyone calls me ungrateful, I’m really not and I always play along and give her my ideas - it’s just that it takes up more headspace for me wracking my brains to come up with more ideas of things they might like that won’t be a massive waste of money.
It’s an entirely privileged position to be in, we both have really big families and we all buy for one another so there’s just so much to be thinking about at busy times of the year.

NoSquirrels · 05/10/2022 19:00

At 13, 11 and 9 I would be handing over the reigns to the DC themselves.

“Granny & Grandad are asking what you want for Christmas- they have a £40 budget . Please can you make a list of 3 items each - it can be vouchers for shops if you like, or money towards saving up for something. If you don’t have a list by X date I’ll tell them to buy pants & socks…”

Original poster
ThirstyMeeples · 05/10/2022 19:06

I think you're right about asking the DC for more ideas and failing that, cash/vouchers. Amazon wish list is a great idea. I will also try to push the shopping trip as I think it's much more valuable experience for both kids and grandparents.
Ive increased my hours at work recently so this has just tipped me over the edge! I'm handing over the present ideas for DC to DH for his side of the family this Xmas so will have to practice politely fielding requests which start from November. (we also have the follow up-what about this colour, this pattern, this model.....until I send an exact link having done all the donkey work)

OP posts:
onemouseplace · 05/10/2022 19:08

Ha - I was just ranting about this to DH as DM managed to call at a massively inconvenient time and I knew she was calling about DD2's birthday present which will involve me telling her which present I have bought her is from her. Which I will then wrap.

It does rather do my head in - I know she means well, wants to get DD2 something she will enjoy and use etc etc. But I just feel like all the thought and input is from me.

ReeDeeHee · 05/10/2022 19:08

I always check- you never know child may have it already/parents are planning to buy.

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 05/10/2022 19:08

yeah, I've delegated this down to the kids themselves for a few years. They know to keep an Amazon wishlist populated with stuff in the £10-30 bracket, and to have a few shops they can direct people to where they like most stuff.

GordonShakespearedoesChristmas · 05/10/2022 19:10

I take all my grandchildren Birthday Shopping- they spend it on whatever they want and we have lunch out too. Best way!!
Re Christmas, I'd ask them to put a wish list together for grandparents donors still a surprise but one that they want!

DelurkingAJ · 05/10/2022 19:16

I’m delighted that DM asks…DPIL ask and then buy something similar (think not a £9 Lego set but a bigger box with an almost but not actually Lego set)….argh!

Usernamecreated543 · 05/10/2022 19:17

There are many, many threads on this forum about grandparents buying a load of tat for Christmas. So I asked the parents of our grandchild if they were happy for us to choose something or did they have something they'd like us to buy (maybe the start or a continuation of a collection perhaps) I still managed to irritate them so I agree with the posters who say that as grandparents, you can't win sometimes.

junebirthdaygirl · 05/10/2022 19:17

I like buying presents for my gd. I think it's good to have different people buy things as everyone thinks in a different way and it broadens the selection. I liked that with my own dc as their uncles bought them stuff l wouldn't dream of buying and they loved it. Gd is always happy with the presents and uses them straight away. However her dm keeps saying we need to ask her what gd would like. So l have resorted to money now. I actually have found it quite stressful. Think GPS can't win as with online purchases etc it's much more of a minefield now.