DS plans to walk 32 miles on his own this weekend.

[Interestingmauve]

He's in his first couple of weeks at University. Seems to be really enjoying the course, but not socialising at all. This is not any great surprise, as he's a real introvert and happy in his own company. All his life he's tended to have one good friend rather than a group, although these have changed from time to time.

Hiking is his thing and he likes to do it alone. However, a day walk would usually be about 14 miles.

I'm worried. I don't suppose I can stop him and I won't know if he goes or not if he doesn't tell me, but 32 miles without proper training (above 14m) on his own where he doesn't know the area and has no one nearby he could call for help and the nights drawing in?

On the one hand, great that he's getting out, but....

I’d worry too OP.

I don’t think there’s much you can actually do and if he survives (and he will), he will have learned all sorts of good things - either from his mistakes or from his success.

It’s really hard being a mum.

My husband used to dissapear for 2 weeks as a teenager and walk along the coast. Your son will be fine, trust me.

If anything, I think this plan is a way to avoid seeing even the people in his flat all day.

Some people are just like that, my friends DS is quite solitary and works as a computer programmer from home so it suits him.

It does mean finding a significant other if one is wanted or decent friends is harder as it’s a numbers game.

To be honest, I’d be more concerned about the reasons for his doing such a long walk at this stage in Uni. I sense the OP is actually concerned about whether Uni is going well so far. I’d personally be less concerned about the walk (taking steps to ensure he can be traced if there is a problem) and - beforehand - asking more questions about how things have been over the last couple of weeks.

I hated the first few weeks of Uni and doing something so extreme (long and away from everyone) would have been my way of hiding from the main issue I had there (chronic loneliness).

But is that actually something to worry about?

When my DH goes away for the weekend I am in the house by myself. Sometimes I will make an effort and make plans but often enjoy just being in my own company for a couple of days.

Sorry OP - my message crossed with yours. I see your thinking is about the same as mine.

Okay, I'm deeply unfit and have completed a half marathon walk in about 5 hours, so I imaginebits feasible this could take your lad about 12 hours?

It's a long way and I don't blame you for being a bit on the fence about it, but he's young, presumably physically fit and it sounds like he knows what he's doing in terms of equipment and common sense.

Wish him luck, ask him to let you know when he's back safely and have an emergency Amazon delivery of muscle soak and blister plasters on standby!

I’d be fine with that and may have done something similar myself, but no phone.

If you think he won’t have thought about then suggest

• spare dry socks
• small amount cash
• hat
• torch

As above I’m a fan of carrying bivvy bag just incase sleep in a field! Have slept in one but never because no other option!

I’d have felt a bit miffed that my parent thinks I haven’t got good judgement / not want to mention my next adventure if they were monitoring my route. Can’t you ring him the next day and positively ask how it went?

Has he worked out the route?

Find My Phone would be your best bet. Also if he is on your WhatsApp he can send you a location link so you can track him wherever he is for a limited length of time.

He has some fair weather walking gear with him. But not what I'd call full hiking kit.

30 miles is a long way! I'm not sure everyone here is really thinking about the distance and what this does to you.

When I was younger and fairly fit, I did a couple of walking marathons- so 26ish miles. These were organised events with marshals and checkpoints. I'd done a lot of 10-15 mile practice walks but both times, by about mile 23, my legs and feet were really sore and the equally young and fit people walking with me were in a similar condition. It would have been really hard to have managed another 4miles after the 26. It was tough walking to the car park!

I think he should at least have plans for catching a bus or train back if necessary after 20ish miles.

BTW all I've actually said is it sounds great but challenging and remember it will get dark early.

As a socially awkward introvert one of the things I learnt from avoiding other people at uni is that I do like being around people but on my own terms and with the ability to retreat into my own space afterwards. Uni accommodation was really difficult for me because everyone was just there all the time, but I promise I have grown up into an almost normal human being with a husband and a good job and a carefully curated social life.

32 miles is a long way but if it's between cities it won't be very remote. He might get blisters, which is a learning experience and not a disaster. A lot of people find that getting out into the countryside and walking is good for their mental health and if your DS has worked out aged 18 that he's one of those people he's doing really well.

You?

Emergency services?

Whoever he needs?

There is an app called something like "Just 3 words" which allows someone to pinpoint a person's location to a one yard square. If he has this he would be able to get emergency services if he needed them even if he was in the middle of Dartmoor with no visible distinguishing topographical features.

I agree, I've walked 20miles in a day (after suitable training) 30 miles is a different thing altogether.

There's a expedition and a mountaineering society, which I have suggested and I'm sure he'd love if he gave them a chance (he's better with people when there's something to "do" than just socialising), but as yet he hasn't made the move.

He isn't at Bangor University, is he? I always thought BUMS sounded a fun club to join!
(Bangor University Mountaineering Society)

Seriously though, if this is DS's thing then it will be good for his mental health to get out there. My DD2 is quite a solitary person who I worried about at Uni but she made some good friends by remaining true to herself, it just took a bit longer than it did for her siblings.

My son regularly hikes on Dartmoor age 14, sometimes alone, sometimes with a friend.
As long as they have the right kit, know what to do in an emergency etc I can't see what the issue is? Some people can walk further than others it's just personal preference.

That's my point. There's no point ringing me, i cant do anything. He doesn't know anyone locally. Emergency services if he's really in danger, but there's quite a wide window between, this isn't going well I need help and a real emergency.

32 miles is a long way, but it sounds like an out and back walk so if he regrets it he can always hop on a bus or train for the return journey. It doesn't sound like a crazy thing to do to me.

I understand your worries about him not adjusting to uni well, but realistically there is nothing you can do about that right now, and it's still early days so plenty of students will still not be settled. A good long walk might give your son a chance to clear his head and make plans for the year.

Wow, and I thought I was a worrier. You could worry yourself sick about him and his MAMMOTH 32 mile walk! And then something could happen to him when he's on a night out with his uni mates, five minutes walk from his halls.

CHILL @Interestingmauve You will make yourself ill else.

Don't worry too much. But he should set off before dawn, carry a head torch, fully charged phone, emergency blanket and rations and extra layers such as spare hiking socks and a fleece. he should also text you the general map route he plans to take and phone you a cpuple of times.

He should be absolutely fine. Lots of lone adventurer types do this sort of thing.

Well aren't you lovely? Have you ever walked 32 miles? Soldiers aren't generally expected to cover more than 20 in a day.

It is a mammoth walk.

His only mistake in his telling you his plans! He is an adult, he can do what he likes & you have no right to "stop him". I feel sorry for the poor guy, tbh.

Ghostbusters.

(sorry, couldn't resist)

Seriously, he's an adult. He has to learn to manage his own limitations himself. The chances of him having an emergency are minimal. This is his way of finding his freedom.