DS plans to walk 32 miles on his own this weekend.

[Interestingmauve]

He's in his first couple of weeks at University. Seems to be really enjoying the course, but not socialising at all. This is not any great surprise, as he's a real introvert and happy in his own company. All his life he's tended to have one good friend rather than a group, although these have changed from time to time.

Hiking is his thing and he likes to do it alone. However, a day walk would usually be about 14 miles.

I'm worried. I don't suppose I can stop him and I won't know if he goes or not if he doesn't tell me, but 32 miles without proper training (above 14m) on his own where he doesn't know the area and has no one nearby he could call for help and the nights drawing in?

On the one hand, great that he's getting out, but....

So he’s going to walk 16 miles to a city and then walk back again? If he’s exhausted at the half way point he can just get a taxi or public transport back.

You agree this beforehand with him.

“son I’m worried about you being so far away in an area you don’t know. Let’s agree a time for you to contact me and say you’re back. If you don’t, I’ll call you 30mins later, and if I haven’t heard from you in an hour I’ll keep calling until it’s been 2hrs when I’ll contact the welfare team at uni or the police - which would you prefer”

“Neither mum”

“great! You’ll reply then.”

If he enjoys this you might also be able to find a tactful time to point out that just because he is at uni doesn't mean his friends need to be at uni, if he is struggling to settle in. There are facebook walking groups, and may be local walking groups and he might manage to find people outside of uni he enjoys spending time with

I had two friendship groups when I was at uni, one of uni friends and one of friends outside of uni that I met through an activity (being a scout leader) that actually I have stayed more in touch with over the years

So 16 miles to the other city and he could get a bus back? 🤷‍♀️

I'm sorry but whilst there is a lot of very good and sound advice here for any lone walker, you are over-invested in his adult life. You can offer him sound advice about safety when hiking alone, but you cannot expect to monitor his life (hiking or anything else he does) to ensure that you feel ok about what he is doing. He's an adult and he can't be tied to your apron strings. This is all more about you than it is about him. You need to let go and if he makes mistakes then he must learn by them. Nothing in life is 100% safe, but most things are mostly safe. It could be argued that crossing the road is not entirely safe - but you have learned to let him do that on his own without your worrying about it. You must do the same about the rest of his life.

There's a expedition and a mountaineering society, which I have suggested and I'm sure he'd love if he gave them a chance (he's better with people when there's something to "do" than just socialising), but as yet he hasn't made the move.

16 miles between cities...I would have thought each city would have a large conurbation, so not far from transport or lacking in mobile signal xx

Can he use a map and compass? Does he know how to treat blisters? Can he recognise the first signs of hypothermia and knows what to do about them? Will he leave details of his planned route and estimated return time with someone responsible and will he stick to that route? If so, leave him to it. Folks have been doing this hobby forever, even in the days when the only way to summon help was 6 blasts on a whistle!

Love that solution!

I've done 32 miles in a day and I'm mid 50's! He does need a bit of kit but should be fine and great if a city is his turnaround point.

This is the kind of thing I do.
It is brilliant for my mental health.
But I'd have a tracker on, usually the beacon on Strava which I'd be using for navigation anyway.

Well yes, but they've also died doing it.

He's very sensible. He won't want to involve anyone else but he'll take all the right supplies.

He's a socially anxious 18yo in his first couple of weeks away from home. I'm allowed to worry.

Bit jealous I’m not going. MN trip??!!

People
Die crossing the road - so ?

In the gentlest way, I agree with PP that you need to step back a bit. He's an adult, he's taken himself off to uni, he's doing a hobby he is already experienced in (so presumably knows how to do safely) and according to you is happy in his own company (some people are!)

If my mum had tried to tell me to join clubs at uni I'd have laughed- and stopped telling her anything at all about my life.

I’d let him go

I agree, though I do wonder how you would stop him.

The best outcome is that he works out to not tell you about things he plans to do which might worry use.

Essential skill for Uni students.

Actually I think 32 miles is really far if he has never done more than 15! He should have a plan for getting back if he decides not to do it all.

there is nowhere in the UK not even in the schottish highlands and that's a remote hill in wester ross, that is more than 6.5 miles from a road on the mainland

OP hikers don't generally die in England, that's a fact. Up a mountain in Scotland maybe, I get your worry though, I've got two that age myself

I'd be reminding him to make sure he has a spare battery for his phone and a decent well charged torch - phone torch wont cut it if he takes longer than expected and ends up coming come after dark.

Yep, after my mum started insisting I text her every time I got home from my shift at my part time job at uni, or started massively worrying if I didn't I just stopped telling her stuff. She has absolutely no idea what I did, who I was with and where I was. And honestly it worked much better for me this way.

I wasn't however a socially awkward person stuggling to settle in who might be reluctant to call for help if I needed it so I do understand the OPs concerns, but honestly given the things I got up to in Uni, I would have been better half way up a mountain (which I also did to be fair)

Is he fit and healthy? It’s a great idea if so.

I’ve done 30 mile hike in a day. I planned stops and didn’t rush. Plenty of water and decent shoes and he’ll be fine.

Ghostbuster's..
Sorry no help.

Yes, but what exactly do I do from 200 miles away if he doesn't text?

Well, what could you do if he popped to the local shop, tripped over and twisted his ankle?

Nothing.

Give him some space and let him grow. Sounds like you're extremely overthinking things.

He is walking from city to city, I think the only time a lone walker is at risk is if off the beaten track where there is no kind of phone signal.

if I had an introverted child I would worry more if they were staying in. I do quite like hiking alone, I only ever go on well worn planned routes.
O

FWIW I don't think he is struggling to settle. I think he's very settled and comfortable not having any social contact. Which is a worry in itself.