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I almost died in the stupidest way

495 replies

Chloefairydust · 03/10/2022 16:14

So I woke up with the worst of sore throats, and I’m the kind of person who when I come down with a cold, it literally drags on for weeks and weeks and normally leads to a chest infection.

That is until I discovered the gross but effective cure of raw garlic. I read somewhere that if you swallow a small whole raw small garlic clove with a glass of water that it cures the common cold. It actually does work as well. I have been doing this for the past couple of years.

Until this morning, and somehow this garlic clove was just the right shape to get lodged in my throat. I couldn’t breathe or swallow or make a sound. I was home alone and sooo frightened. Somehow I managed to hit my own chest with my head facing down and spat out the offending garlic. So I almost died in the stupidest of ways….

I think now on I’m going to chop the garlic into tiny pieces to cure a cold.

But thought I would warn people who might be as stupid as me not to kill yourself with garlic 🧄

If you have had a near death experience in a similarly stupid way please share to make me feel less of an idiot?

OP posts:
stacyvaron · 03/10/2022 21:10

Does plugging in the toaster with wet hands count?

Eyesopenwideawake · 03/10/2022 21:10

I moved house and for some forgotten, stupid, reason decanted a bottle of bleach into a water bottle. Later on, tired and thirsty, I grabbed a water bottle and took a big mouthful...

Thankfully I realised before I swallowed and spat it out then gargled with milk for about 10 minutes. Survived (obvs!) but with unnaturally clean teeth.

walchesterweasel · 03/10/2022 21:15

I decided to dust a rarely touched Buddha head on the top shelf of a bookcase ,about 7' up. I forgot the head and base were separate and as I pulled the base the head fell off and hit me on my head. As I hit the floor , I thought 'I have been killed by Buddha' . Luckily I just ended up with concussion and an unusual imprint on my forehead !

Interested in this thread?

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Thesummeriwas16 · 03/10/2022 21:16

Eyesopenwideawake · 03/10/2022 21:10

I moved house and for some forgotten, stupid, reason decanted a bottle of bleach into a water bottle. Later on, tired and thirsty, I grabbed a water bottle and took a big mouthful...

Thankfully I realised before I swallowed and spat it out then gargled with milk for about 10 minutes. Survived (obvs!) but with unnaturally clean teeth.

OMG!!!!😱

IcakethereforeIam · 03/10/2022 21:19

School trip round Europe on a double decker coach. We were taking turned to stick our head out of the roof hatch. Was my turn, and I was about to pop my head out when I decided my footing wasn't secure. So I hopped down into the aisle. I glanced up and saw the underside of the bridge that was just inches above me. I'd barely avoided getting it in the face.

Still get chills, thinking about it.

Emotionalsupportviper · 03/10/2022 21:20

IcakethereforeIam · 03/10/2022 18:55

I don't know why but this has really made me laugh. And the poster below you who, if I understood correctly smacked, themselves in the face with their slippers to put out their eyelashes.

There's tears, I'm wheezing and I think I may wet myself.

<Offers fresh Tena Lady.

Tiredeyes84 · 03/10/2022 21:21

I did the same thing but with a pickled beetroot! I was on my own in the house making a salad and decided in greed to shove one in my mouth and must have inhaled at the wrong moment and said beetroot got wedged in my throat!! I almost had to run out into the street to get help, I couldn't breath or cry for help! Luckily managed to dislodge it by whacking my chest...Seriously would have been the most ridiculous way to go!

MarshaBradyo · 03/10/2022 21:21

Some of these are reminding me of the start of Six Feet Under 🙈

I always remember the chicken bone one and head out of limousine roof

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 03/10/2022 21:22

Burnamer · 03/10/2022 16:24

I think the stupidest thing might be believing that garlic cures a viral infection.

it must have been scary though - hope you’re ok.

I take it then that you’re not familiar with the 2020 clinical trials in this regard…

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7434784/

Firstworldprobs · 03/10/2022 21:22

At uni I knocked myself out on a beer pump, woke up the next morning with a soggy melted bag of frozen peas on my pillow no idea how I got there…. Went to a lecture, gave a presentation (scored a 1st), went back home and THEN felt the pain and hangover!

Oh to be 20 again…….

SnoopyNoseTits · 03/10/2022 21:23

moggerhanger · 03/10/2022 16:39

As a kid I thought it would be a terrific wheeze to put inflatable armbands on my ankles and jump into a swimming pool. Turns out that's a really, really silly idea. Thank heavens for lifeguards!

You and me both 😅

QOD · 03/10/2022 21:28

Half way thru reading this and laughing, my dog choked on a hard bit of a chew she broke off
had to give a 4kg chihuahua the Heimlich

on a lighter note, I tripped over my Hoover and broke my kneecap, had a suspected fractured wrist (was ‘just’ acute tendonitis), cuts and black bruises and whiplash 🙄
im 5ft.

i also set fire to myself throwing weeds On a bonfire, lost my fringe, my lashes , eyebrows and hair off my arms.

tumbleweed 💐

my friends dad at school choked to death at their dinner table 😔 and my friend a few years backs husband choked on vomit and died
so scary

IcakethereforeIam · 03/10/2022 21:28

@Emotionalsupportviper thank you, but <sigh> far too late.Blush

LMBoston · 03/10/2022 21:29

As a foolish youth, I was once home alone and a bit stoned so decided to make a massive peanut butter sandwich (triple decker with normal butter AND Marmite). Being a greedy bastard, I scooped out an extra dollop of Sunpat to eat straight off the knife. Then another one. After one more, I thought I’d better stop… so I held the knife in my mouth to suck off (soz) the last bits, opened the larder drawer below with one hand and picked up the peanut butter in the other, then bent down quick sharp before I gave into further temptation.

Bent down, the knife hit the worktop and pierced the roof of my mouth. Blood! Lots of blood! Luckily it was pretty blunt; the idea of being found dead with a mouth full of Sunpat and a table knife in my brain isn’t exactly a glamorous one.

The watering can makes me feel a bit better 😂

Emotionalsupportviper · 03/10/2022 21:30

Knocked myself out and gave myself concussion jumping up under the cooker hood. Ex came home to me sprawled on the floor.

I've never managed this!

Stupidest thing I’ve ever done was knock myself flat out by dropping a hammer on my own head.

Or this!!!

<admiring>

I ended up slipping in the shower because I was rushing, went arse over tit and hit my head hard. Pretty sure I was unconscious for a few seconds.

Did this - split my lip open and bust my nose on the hot tap (shower is over bath). I never lock the bathroom door, now (but that's because I was very tired and all asleep in the bath once and nearly drowned myself - got my nostrils and mouth full of water , thrashed about and couldn't even get hold of the side because it was slippery. Dh heard the racket and smashed the bolt.)

Afterfire · 03/10/2022 21:31

Choking to death is my biggest fear. Just horrible 🫣🫣🫣

And yet some of these are so funny!

I nearly choked on a galaxy minstrel in the cinema once. I was 19 and went to see Boogie Nights with my Mum. She thought I was laughing at Mark Walhbergs massive penis and ignored me! Literally thought I was going to die and then it just dislodged!

Afterfire · 03/10/2022 21:31

*the minstrel, not the penis.

Tinks95 · 03/10/2022 21:33

Oh bless you love! Hope you are feeling better now. When I was young I accidentally swallowed a whole ice cube! I swear I felt like I stretched my throat! Warm water did the trick but the feeling of something blocking your airway is horrible I feel your pain!

x

BloodAndFire · 03/10/2022 21:33

I sprayed limescale remover onto the shower head. It immediately dripped back straight into my eyes.

BloodAndFire · 03/10/2022 21:35

Oh yeah, and I also like to suck marrow out of roast chicken bones, which involves crunching the bones up between my teeth. More than once I've got a nasty jagged bit of bone caught in my throat.

IhateHermioneGranger · 03/10/2022 21:39

I set my hair on fire at a Christingle service. I was wearing a mask and it went "whooosh!". I didn't realise until then how flammable they are.

Emotionalsupportviper · 03/10/2022 21:39

pewtypie · 03/10/2022 19:25

There is no evidence that garlic cures the common cold or fights viruses.

I believe chicken soup helps cure the common cold, but I don’t think there is any evidence to prove it.

We all have our old wives’ tales.

No evidence of the efficacy of chicken soup?

Does

XenoBitch · 03/10/2022 21:40

The exact same thing happened to me years ago, but it was a piece of pork. It just got stuck. I was alone too and wacked myself in the chest to free it. I remember frantically running about my flat, wondering what to do. It was terrifying.

SnoopyNoseTits · 03/10/2022 21:40

SirSidneyRuffDiamond · 03/10/2022 18:06

I nearly died up a mountain in Nepal when a water buffalo nearly fell on my head. I often wonder what my insurance company would have thought about that claim.

I read this as hot water buffalo, like some kind of giant buffalo hot water bottle mix, and thought “whaaaaat fell on her head?”

Emotionalsupportviper · 03/10/2022 21:41

Whoops!

That should read

"Does the insistence countless Jewish grandmothers mean nothing to you?"