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Original poster

How do you do less clubs??!?

83 replies

Sleeptightnightlight · 02/10/2022 00:06

Before my daughter started reception I put her on the waiting lists for Rainbows and swimming lessons as both are hugely oversubscribed in my area and I vaguely thought she might want to do them at some point.

Then after she joined reception and I hadn't heard from either I signed her up to a ballet class. She loves this and when we arrive at class she sees the previous group doing gymnastics and has been begging me to go to that too, so I said she could do it in YR 1 (thinking 2 classes in YR 1 sounded reasonable, and they do discounts for doing both classes). Then my DH started volunteering at the local kids football club and takes DD to that too and it's not really her thing but she's made some close friends that also go. Then I got the call for swimming and I said yes because it's an important skill, and DD wanted to do a free after school computer club and it's straight after school on a day the timing for pickup was tight so it just makes everything easier, and now Rainbows have offered her a place starting next week...

And how on earth did I get to this place where my 5 year old does 5 after school activities and wants to do 6? It's complete madness, isn't it? But I can't seem to work out any of it we can drop without feeling really mean. The thought of what we do when her siblings are all old enough to want to do all the things too fills me with fear!!

OP posts:
Testina · 02/10/2022 00:08

It’s not madness at all 🤷🏻‍♀️
Some kids like doing loads of things.
As long as she enjoys them, isn’t pressured into them, has free time too, you can afford it, and have time for it… stop inventing problems.

MagnaQuestion · 02/10/2022 00:09

Wow that's a crazy amount of clubs. Maybe hang fire with the swimming and do some 1-1 classes at the weekend which will progress her into proper goeips faster.

Is she not tired by all this? You may find there naturally comes groups which she. EVoems more reticent to go to after trying them out but great to have given them a go?

It's certainly not sustainable long term!

Relocatiorelocation · 02/10/2022 00:12

At that age I said mine must swim and could pick 2 other activities. Otherwise you just get swamped and eat too many uninspiring dinners and don't have time for your own hobbies.

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FlamingoSocks · 02/10/2022 00:12

If you manage it let me know.
DS1 who is 10 does 8 extra curricular things a week and little DS2 who is 6 and a total homebody somehow madly does 6 and goes to
after school club twice a week as well!

I didn’t know this about myself before having kids but I am an overscheduler.

Overall I now just accept it and see the positives. DS1 is a natural all rounder and the ECs mean he excels in many areas. They’ve made DS2 braver and more experimental.
Downsides are they don’t get a lot of time at home to
just be and get bored, but I try and schedule in get bored time in the holidays.
I have two lovely thriving kids so I take the rough with the smooth.

twotoedsloth · 02/10/2022 00:18

It depends on how much your DD enjoys going and how much stress it creates for you.

My DS (8) does 6 activities (triathlon, choir, Spanish, rock band, swimming and Cubs) at the moment, but four of those are within or straight after school. This is the only reason it works as 1. there is less of an issue with transition and 2. there is no impact on the rest of the family. There is no chance it would work if we had to ferry him around for all of us as we work full time and he has a younger sibling, plus it's often stressful trying to get him to go out somewhere when he's content and settled at home.

If you do find it all a bit much, you can probably prioritise. There are options for holiday clubs/courses for things like swimming and gymnastics.

I do understand how you feel though as there are other activities that DS doesn't do which I would quite like to introduce him to, but he just does so much already.

nuttynotty · 02/10/2022 00:19

Swimming can wait.
Kids that young aren't really swimming, just learning confidence being in the water. You/DH can do that yourself in family time/holidays or when she's older.

NoYouSirName · 02/10/2022 00:21

At that age I said mine must swim and could pick 2 other activities. Otherwise you just get swamped and eat too many uninspiring dinners and don't have time for your own hobbies.

problem is… more than one child!! I have four! It only takes two activities each to have every night consumed by two different activities. In different locations.

i haven’t found a solution yet.

Raidtheice · 02/10/2022 00:23

You tell your child No.

DH and I work full time. Logistically after school activities are not possible. They do swimming on a Sunday because they want to.

Original poster
Sleeptightnightlight · 02/10/2022 00:39

I like that the first two responses are telling me it's not mad and that it's crazy :) I guess it's polarising!

OP posts:
budgiegirl · 02/10/2022 00:43

Just ask your child to pick the two or three (or however many you will agree to) clubs that she most wants to do. It's ok to set a limit that you find acceptable, and not mean to do so.

That said, if she's managing them all, isn't over tired, is enjoying them, and you aren't run ragged getting her to them, then let her carry on. She'll probably drop one or two eventually, and you can alway re-evaluate when her siblings are starting to do clubs as well.

JaninaDuszejko · 02/10/2022 00:46

It really varies from child to child. As long as your DD really enjoys the activities and you can afford it and manage the driving about then it's fine. Another child will have a different personality and may want to do less at that age. If your children's activities start clashing cut them down (but we put both our DDs to the same things when they were little, now they are at secondary the only thing they both do is school swimming club).

AliceMcK · 02/10/2022 01:00

3 DCs

Monday - cancelled after school football for 2 as one desperately wanted to do netball.
Tuesday - 2 at after school netball & 1 at sign language then 1 goes on to gymnastics
Wednesday- 1 says late at school for multi skills
Thursday - one at brownies and one at guides, 3rd will start rainbows later in the year
Friday - 2nd child dose netball
Saturday - 2 go to drama

No swimming since pre covid. The local YMCA never reopened and massive waiting lists everywhere else, not that we really have a chance to fit it in at the moment.

Sunday is literally a day of rest.

Original poster
Sleeptightnightlight · 02/10/2022 01:08

Raidtheice · 02/10/2022 00:23

You tell your child No.

DH and I work full time. Logistically after school activities are not possible. They do swimming on a Sunday because they want to.

I think you've failed to understand the 'problem'.

As I say, two of the clubs actively make my life easier (no rushing across town for school pickup, and one my DH is going to anyway so it's easier for me if he takes DD). One (swimming) is a skill I want her to learn. And 2 I said yes to because at the time she did nothing else (with hindsight I wouldn't have started them but I didn't know at the time we would suddenly get all the other places).

I could 'just say no' to Rainbows and am thinking about it, which is what prompted my post really. I guess the trouble is I want her to get to try everything but she's not happy to give something up to try something new!

OP posts:
ADialgaAteMyDog · 02/10/2022 01:15

Swimming is incredibly important, it's a lifeskil and you are never too young to drown so you are never too young to learn to swim.

It's a lot, but if you want your kids to have a full and enriched life you have to go with it. Rainbows can be a try for half a term and see how it goes? My elder DC does five clubs a week and I'd like her to do two more really as they do fuck all at school (I'd Iike her to learn a language and do drama) but that would be far too much!

feeona123 · 02/10/2022 01:19

I’ve limited clubs to weekdays only. This year, my daughter has 5 and my son has 4. They are year 4 and 2. Some are straight from school and some are after tea, I do think having that variation helps with homework etc.

If she enjoys them all and you can fit it in them go for it.

HowVeryBizarre · 02/10/2022 01:21

Swimming is a non negotiable for me. Other than that if your child enjoys the activities and you can manage them why not.

caringcarer · 02/10/2022 01:28

My son did Beavers/Cubs/Scouts, Swimming Club twice a week, Karate, Stage Coach for 5 years, Cricket training twice a week/Matches, Park Run, Competed in Aquathlons 2 weekends a month over three years, and at one point Ice Skating at another point Tag Rugby. He also had a tutor twice a week and liked to do cooking at home once a week. I would much rather he did those activities than stick on gaming all the time like some children in his year group. He learnt lots of skills and made a wide variety of friends.

CentrifugalBumblePuppy · 02/10/2022 01:35

Swimming would be a priority club, and I say that as an ex Rainbow leader for years who started her own unit! We often did events at weekends in our District & County, so you’d need to factor in weekend travelling & commitments. And then there might be the occasional one night sleepover (we took ours camping for one night too).

With my own kids, we’d be dashing across the county for Weds individual riding lessons for DD, the opposite direction on Thurs for DS’s acting exam & advanced dance classes, Fri was back to DS’s drama class, then splitting ourselves in two for DS’s 3hr drama school on Saturday morning starting at 9 until 12, whilst DD had Pony Club from 10-11.30am. Bonkers looking back on it. And church choir practice (for both) on a Tuesday & services Sunday.

And Sunday afternoon teaching them to swim/general swimming (luckily DS’s dad had done his swim instructor training when he was teacher training at Uni, so he gave free lessons to DS and DD (not his daughter, but we stayed friends!). DS would also go straight to his Dad after drama on a Saturday & go trampolining, whilst my DH & I would take DD

CentrifugalBumblePuppy · 02/10/2022 01:36

Oops… take DD out for the afternoon to a museum, country park etc.

Looking back, it was utterly bonkers.

babyyodaxmas · 02/10/2022 01:40

nuttynotty · 02/10/2022 00:19

Swimming can wait.
Kids that young aren't really swimming, just learning confidence being in the water. You/DH can do that yourself in family time/holidays or when she's older.

Sorry but this is bollocks. Both my 2 were swimming without bands by 6. 5 years can and do learn to swim.

Some even younger (2 or 3).

Singleandproud · 02/10/2022 01:42

It took the Lock down for us to dial it back, DD and I realized we were both happier with a slower pace of life.

At 2 she started Mummy and Me ballet which had morphed into about 12 classes a week over 3 days of different dance, drama and singing by the time she was 8. It was easy to keep adding more classes, she was there anyway, you paid X amount a week for unlimited classes and she liked being with the other girls. It was hard to give up as so much money had been invested but she didn't want to compete and wasn't being put through the grades like the competition girls and as those girls were spending so much time together they started to exclude her, not mentioning the politics going on between parents.

She also started normal swimming lessons at 7 which she stormed through and I credit that with her being that much older than tiny tots that were still getting a hold of their gross motor skills.

After dropping dance she moved onto competitive swimming atleast 3 x a week plus galas on some weekends. Swimming is a fairly lonely sport and training is exhausting.

Then we had lock down and as an only child DD decided she wanted to try a more social sport after spending such a huge amount of time away from other children.

She started going to a Saturday morning, social tennis club and then picked up girls rugby which she loves. Training is once a week with her team and matches every other Sunday. She also does clubs at school but her school finishes at 14:30 so that eats up some of the time before I get home from work.

The difference dialing it down has made to both of us is huge, the rugby team is very welcoming with none of the politics of dance parents and without the stringent training of swimming but she's learnt to live her taller than average body and gained huge amounts of confidence that I dont think she would have done with her previous activities.

Ilovetocrochet · 02/10/2022 07:33

I had no choice but to limit activities as with three young children it was too expensive, I was on a very strict budget! Up to school age, all we did were mother and toddler groups and playgroups plus swimming lessons from age 3 - swimming was a school holiday activity run by a local private school in the school holidays. Later beavers or brownies were included as they were cheap and I was a cub leader so knew how much fun it was.

From age 6 or so, each child was allowed to pitch one additional activity, such a ballet, judo, rugby or football but if the wanted to try something else, they had to give up the other one. This was all I could afford and was difficult enough to fit in with three children and a husband who was often working abroad.

I don’t think it did my children any harm, they had plenty of things to do and we had time to enjoy relaxing at home some days without rushing to drive to different places, squeeze in meals and home/school reading. After I went back to work when my youngest was 5, it was a nightmare trying to fit any activities in on a school night anyway!

Leakingroofagain · 02/10/2022 07:36

My dd does 5 clubs. The thing is when I was her age I was running around after school with my friends, on our own, playing knock down ginger and getting into all kinds of things. We just don't let kids do that nowadays, so her clubs are a supervised version, and they typically include learning a skill at the same time. I call that a win-win.

PaperPalace · 02/10/2022 07:40

My DC do loads of clubs! I don't see it as a problem as long as she enjoys them, you can afford it and she's not too tired.

BigBunkers · 02/10/2022 07:42

I just explain that they can’t do everything.

Mine would be too tired by that so they do swimming at the weekend and one other club.

One does a school run club straight from school but they’d be at afterschool club anyway so it’s no difference.

In your shoes I’d be saying no to rainbows for now