How do you do less clubs??!?

[Sleeptightnightlight]

Before my daughter started reception I put her on the waiting lists for Rainbows and swimming lessons as both are hugely oversubscribed in my area and I vaguely thought she might want to do them at some point.

Then after she joined reception and I hadn't heard from either I signed her up to a ballet class. She loves this and when we arrive at class she sees the previous group doing gymnastics and has been begging me to go to that too, so I said she could do it in YR 1 (thinking 2 classes in YR 1 sounded reasonable, and they do discounts for doing both classes). Then my DH started volunteering at the local kids football club and takes DD to that too and it's not really her thing but she's made some close friends that also go. Then I got the call for swimming and I said yes because it's an important skill, and DD wanted to do a free after school computer club and it's straight after school on a day the timing for pickup was tight so it just makes everything easier, and now Rainbows have offered her a place starting next week...

And how on earth did I get to this place where my 5 year old does 5 after school activities and wants to do 6? It's complete madness, isn't it? But I can't seem to work out any of it we can drop without feeling really mean. The thought of what we do when her siblings are all old enough to want to do all the things too fills me with fear!!

I don't see a problem here. If you can make the money and the logistics work, and she's thriving, crack on and enjoy it - your child is lucky!

Mine (Y6 and YR) do Boys Brigade on a weeknight (same night but different times as they're in different sections) and swimming lessons on a Saturday morning. I'm a single parent with a full time job so I'd struggle to facilitate much more, but I wouldn't rule it out (and with more time and more money there's a lot of stuff I'd love to give them a chance to try).

Eldest did a drama class on Sat afternoons for years and I did an inward dance for joy when he suggested dropping it this term. I'm glad I could wait for him to suggest it rather than have to make him, and I'm even more glad he's left now. (It was a franchise thing - pricey, not amazing quality, and v inconvenient! He got something from it I think but I hope we all get more from the hours regained for family life.)

I hate being tied down after school and weekends, especially since DH works shifts so our family time is v limited. Also I did too many clubs as a kid (ballet, tap, horse riding, piano, guides) and I wasn't prepared to be running around after all that.
DD1 did brownies for a year a 8yrs, my Mum taught her to swim when she was little. She did gymnastics for an hour on Sat morning when she was 9.
DD2 joined gymnastics with her sister they both did it for a couple of years before they wanted to chill at home on a weekend. I did have to pay for swim lessons for DD2 as she wouldn't learn from us, did that for 9 months until she was competent.

I would send them to clubs if they really wanted to but homework and school comes first and tbh they are happy playing out with their friends after school.

I disagree with those that say swimming can wait. Mine started group.lessons when they were 3 ( nursery aged) and by 5 were all swimming breast stroke and were really confident in the water and under it. The earlier the better.
Sounds similar to what my dds dis at that age, be aware though that not all kids will get fed up of clubs, mine continued until uni.

Ours do beavers, not rainbows but the variety of stuff they do is brilliant, it’ I’d try it. Then maybe towards the end of term look at a couple to drop once she’s experienced them all.

We just did the you can try a term of any club in addition to those you are doing, but we stick to 2 + swimming - and for DD1 who hated swimming ;you can drop swimming when you can swim 25m comfortably. Has led to some mad evenings playing taxi, but gradually they settle into their long term favourites. I have to say Rainbows/Brownies were dropped pretty quickly as 'boring'

I think if your around after work and happy to do it that’s great. I work 4 days a week so go to after school club - I guess this is no different except it’s at school so I just pick up later. Those clubs that make your life easier definitely snap them up! Mine do something Thursday and/or Friday night and the. Both swim on sat. Would they love to do more? Probably. Can we afford it both financially and energy wise to get them from one to another … no! Especially if dh is away. I don’t put extra pressure on myself to make it happen. They are luckier than some not as lucky as others. Such is life!!

Unless you live very close to a body of water I would drop swimming lessons for

I would skip the brownies/rainbows. As you say there's a huge waiting list and another child will get way more out of it than your dd. Not criticising at all, but I think that whatever she could get out of brownies/rainbows etc she will already be getting from other clubs, she already has opportunities to make friends out of school, learn cooperative teamwork skills and earn recognition badges for skills.

Swimming lessons are important and I don't agree that they can wait. I had a DC who didn't start swimming lessons till age 7/8 due to anxiety issues and who just hated being always the largest in the class by a clear foot. Much better to start now.

Gym and ballet are easy as both in the same location and sequentially, let her do both saying that after a term, if it's too tiring to do both she can drop one.

The computing and football sound great. At some point she may decide she doesn't want to do them any more but there's no harm her doing them. Neither requires any extra parent-taxiing, so not a problem.

In your shoes i would decline Rainbows I think. If some of them make life easier then I wouldn't worry! If she's happy, why make life harder?! .

I didn't have this issue at this age due to covid! But hitting it now a bit, Dd in Yr3 and ds yr1. Dd now somehow does brownies Monday, choir Tuesday, drama Thursday, swimming Friday, plus violin, and it's bringing homework home now too. She'd like to do gymnastics which would be a Wednesday. If a place comes up I might let her start gymnastics then suggest that she drops one, when she's figured out which she likes. But I also say swimming is non-negotiable. Choir and drama are free clubs at school so seems a shame to make her miss out. I'd like her to stick at violin. So that leaves brownies which also seems a shame 😆 Also playing into this is Dd doesn't play really or entertain herself well if she's home all the time. Ds is very happy at home.

The rule here was swimming, music lesson and one other activity of their choice. I refused to be run ragged with all the driving around I saw other parents doing, and two evenings a week were completely free.

I asked them once, as adults, if they thought they had missed out and the answer was an emphatic no. They liked coming home to play instead apparently.

I'm confused at the people saying swimming isn't important for a 5 year old and especially the one saying they're not really swimming - they can definitely easily swim on their own at that age and if she starts now, she will be able to swim longer distances in a couple of years!

Sounds like me as a child OP, just go for it, she'll tell you if she's getting tired or it's too much or if she is no longer enjoying a particular activity.

Personally swimming would be high priority - for safety, and enables water sports when older. With cubs, I think my DS tries lots of different things - so I see it as a multi-activity club so I would prefer this over gymnastics. Football is a popular sport - and might be good for social reasons as she grows up. However - apart from swimming, I’d let my kid decide. But I’d have a max of 3 regular clubs (currently older one does 2 and younger one 1).

for other things I think I’d let them do 1-off holiday clubs or something that is not a regular commitment (pay as you go - like a trampoline park or climbing wall)

Swimming is a non-negotiable for me, the younger they learn the better. This is a useful guide from Swim England of the minimum standard that should be reached before lessons are dropped.

Some of you do a LOT of clubs! When do your kids just... play?

“ Fewer clubs”. Sorry it’s just that DM always used to correct me when I said “ less” instead of “ fewer”.

People get a bit righteous about the swimming thing.

One of mine was an absolute water baby and would have been a kind of 'non stop swimming from birth' child doing recognisable strokes at 3 - if lockdown hadn't struck as she turned two. She's four now and finally back in lessons and getting there nicely.

The other was reluctant to do formal lessons (although enjoyed splashing around with me) until baby sister was in classes! So he started at 6 and got the hang of it much more quickly than younger children because he wasn't still learning to coordinate his gross motor movement and follow instructions in a group the way the four year olds are. He wasn't the oldest or biggest either - it's not universally true that everyone starts young. When he came to do school swimming lessons in Y5 he was one of only three children in the class who could already swim at all. It's not financially accessible to all families and it's not culturally normal to everyone either.

The balance at 5 is whether to push when enthusiasm/progress may be slow, vs whether there really is a risk you won't get them back in and up to speed in time for when drowning becomes a real risk (eg when they are likely to be out and about without you, or when you want to be able to sit on the sand rather than being in grabbing distance in the sea...). And I suppose also balanced against how strong a swimmer you (or other likely responsible adults on days out) are. I would 100% be pushing an 8-10yo into swimming lessons, but at 5 I would unclench. They certainly are learning to swim and there's no harm getting that well underway while they're so small, but IMO it's not yet 'essential life skill' territory when they've still got years of constant supervision in front of them.

My dc do about 4 each, most after school & then 1 on the weekends. I did more as a dc & loved it. I don't have to ferry them about though as everything is close.

My son has 2 clubs. I don't drive, so fart arsing about on public transport can be a real drag, sometimes. Especially if the weather's pony.

So, extra clubs wouldn't work for me, and the club has to work for me, too.
I'm not going to martyr myself like i see a lot of Mums doing.

OP, your daughter is young enough that it won't affect her grades at school.

One of my niece's (who was 14/15 at the time) grades were shocking, cos she didn't do any homework, or apply herself at school.
But her mum still allowed her to do her musical theatre whatnot at least 4 times a week.
I'm afraid there would be no scuttling about to drama club, while her grades were suffering like that.

When do your kids just... play?

at 7am on a Sunday 😣

I agree.

Swimming is the only non negotiable for me and DDs have to do it but they're at after school club on a Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, swimming on a Thursday so Friday is our only weekday evening when they can come home from school and just chill out.

I'd like them to do Rainbows and Brownies but I think it would just add too much hassle and be a very long day for them so at the moment they're not doing it.

My daughter did these and also had a pony!l so we were at the yard every day after school:

Swimming lessons
Musical theatre
Dancing (ballet, tap, contemporary)
Rainbows/Brownies

Son did:
Swimming lessons
Football
Cricket
Karate
Beavers/Cubs

Looking back, I don't know how I managed it whilst working (school hours) and husband working away a lot so I did the vast majority of running around. Getting changed in the car was a normality. I had the mindset that if they tried lots of EC activities, they'd find their favourite/ what they were good at and they did. Thankfully.

Brownies/cubs were dropped as they lost interest, as were karate and musical theatre. Swimming lessons stopped as soon as they were competent in the water.

By the time they were 10 it was down to horse riding and football.

@nuttynotty - of course swimming should be prioritized - what an odd thing to say!

OP - we also do loads of EC activities here - football/karate/gym/theatre group/Cubs/Guides/various musical bits and bobs… It’s great to give your children opportunities they wouldn’t have otherwise and let’s face it, the average state school just can’t provide the breadth of experience it once could.

We always, always prioritized swimming. Mine were competent by six, now upper primary and absolutely excelling. Makes Centreparcs holidays a doddle as they can be off on their own. Our local pool also lets children swim unaccompanied from 8, so whilst I’d wait until at least 10 personally, dropping them at the pool with their friends for an hour whilst I have a coffee in the cafe is a great way to build their independence.

To add, we have tried a range of EC activities and the costs have ranged from free to £20/lesson for swimming at one stage (intensive sessions for the youngest to catch up after Covid). Cubs etc. are very cheap comparatively. Theatre group is not Stage Coach, which we have tried, but found extortionate for what you got (though I know as a franchise, they vary). In our area, the local authority music provision is great and there’s a free band that children can attend if they want to. Ditto church choir groups for children - low cost or small donation.

I feel sorry for some children who don’t get to do anything outside school as their frame of reference is so narrow. Cost really shouldn’t be a barrier when there is so much open to all if you just look for it. Most of the paid clubs we attend also offer lower fees or no fees if families are struggling.

OP you could be me!

I think trying out activities and making friends across a variety of groups is really important. At age 4 DD is quite confident and happy to try new things and to talk to new kids and adults. We don’t have family and close friends nearby so I’ve tried to help create a social circle for her.

but she’s just started school so I’m trying to minimise her weekly commitments at the moment. She does performing arts on a Saturday and we swim together on Sunday. She’s just about to restart swimming lessons on a Monday night as she’s almost ready to swim unaided and I’m not sure what to do next!. We tried Rainbows but decided to wait until next year as she loved it but the group were all a bit older.
she really wants to do trampoline lessons and wants to go to climbing, tag rugby and a million other things!

ive said we will look at more activities in January when she’s a bit more used to school. I suspect we will end up with something mist days!

do need to leave room for parties though!

I think it's as important to allow your child to have free time away from organised activities. There are huge benefits to letting your child be bored and manage their own time; it's proven to foster creativity, independence and original thinking and gives them agency over their own happiness and well being.

Added to that; you say she has younger siblings (?) There can't be much room for free play with them, or to have friends over to play.

In conclusion, I'd say there's such a thing as too many clubs, too much driving around ferrying children to organised activities.