How do you do less clubs??!?

[Sleeptightnightlight]

Before my daughter started reception I put her on the waiting lists for Rainbows and swimming lessons as both are hugely oversubscribed in my area and I vaguely thought she might want to do them at some point.

Then after she joined reception and I hadn't heard from either I signed her up to a ballet class. She loves this and when we arrive at class she sees the previous group doing gymnastics and has been begging me to go to that too, so I said she could do it in YR 1 (thinking 2 classes in YR 1 sounded reasonable, and they do discounts for doing both classes). Then my DH started volunteering at the local kids football club and takes DD to that too and it's not really her thing but she's made some close friends that also go. Then I got the call for swimming and I said yes because it's an important skill, and DD wanted to do a free after school computer club and it's straight after school on a day the timing for pickup was tight so it just makes everything easier, and now Rainbows have offered her a place starting next week...

And how on earth did I get to this place where my 5 year old does 5 after school activities and wants to do 6? It's complete madness, isn't it? But I can't seem to work out any of it we can drop without feeling really mean. The thought of what we do when her siblings are all old enough to want to do all the things too fills me with fear!!

Meh, try it for a few weeks and either she'll rub along happily, or go off a couple, or get overtired, then that's your decision made. Meant genuinely kindly OP, this is the biggest non issue I've read on here for a very long time.

I agree.

Swimming is the only non negotiable for me and DDs have to do it but they're at after school club on a Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, swimming on a Thursday so Friday is our only weekday evening when they can come home from school and just chill out.

So yours do 4?

Rather than the swimming classes, where they seem to spend half the time at 5he side of the pool waiting their turn, go for 1-1 lessons. They learn really quickly that way then you can sack off the lessons, so it’s only a short erm commitment

Some kids like being with other kids and the structure of clubs. DS (10) would spend all his time on the computer or watching TV if he had his way so we are deliberately increasing his clubs now (currently doing football, swimming and cubs and we want him to start choir). He complains he doesn't want to do things but always comes home happy and full of stories about what they've done.

His older sisters are at a state secondary that offers lots of free before and after school clubs and they still like doing lots, they both do school swimming club, one does choir, drama and orchestra (plus we pay for piano lessons), the other does hockey and school newspaper (plus we pay for football, she plays in the top regional league for her age). When younger they both did swimming club for years but weren't top squad swimmers so once school started swimming regularly again after Covid we dropped down to just school swimming club which is just twice a week rather than 4 or 5 times.

Eldest goes to after school club 3 days (Which I don’t really count!). She does swimming and gymnastics and then a after school club at school (signed up term by term so tries different things- dance, clay, multi sports etc) or sometimes none of she wants a term off. This feels about right (she’s in year 1) and she gets plenty of down time. Youngest (2) does swimming on my day off with her.
Clubs are brilliant and it’s good to be child led. Some kids are over scheduled but only you know your child.

Mine do swimming, DD is learning an instrument in school - DS will when he’s older if he wants. DD does Brownies and DS will hopefully join Beavers next year when he’s old enough. That’s enough for mine with ASC two days a week as well.

I’d say no to Rainbows. Maybe she can do Brownies later if she’s dropped some other clubs.

I had a crazy schedule for a few years with my 3 DC, but individually I never felt they were doing too much. The crazy bit was dragging them all round to each others activities if they didn't coincide. Don't drop swimming, it's so important. I would say don't bother with Rainbows, wait for Brownies later, and do either gymnastics or ballet but not both as they both need a fair amount of commitment in terms of exams/shows/competitions etc. And maybe drop the football if she's not that bothered.

DS had swimming lessons in school time at the local leisure centre which was great. We then lucked out and met a retired swimming teacher who gave him a couple of one to one sessions in the hotel swimming pool.

DS only ever had one club, he tried a few things but the sport meant a training session and a match every week and that was enough because of his school work.

At age 5 my daughter was training gymnastics 12 hours a week ( 3 nights of 4 hour sessions) and Rainbows and swimming on the other two nights.

She was fine.

Why would a 5 yr old be tired by the odd hour here and there?!

OP will all work itself out. She will probably drop what's not her think. I would say age 5 swimming is a non negotiable. The rest is just fun. Let her do it. Worry about what happens in the future - in the future!

Coastal - because I've seen it as kids grow up. Especially after covid when lots realised how much their kids were doing!

Yours is doing 3 different activities (albeit a lot of gym) and the OP was doing more than that - so after school instead of downtime it's going to a different activity , remembering the rules and expectations in that place and a lot less time for independent play at home.

Also I had one doing lots of gymnast hours that were building up and we stopped when the coach got pushy. We've also done swimming club and stopped when all the morning sessions started (I can completely see that at 10 they're old enough to choose to do this if they want).

I've been on so many gym/swim threads since where people have said they regretted doing so many hours or to the exclusion of all else. It's great for the few that do very well, but many burn out by 11. Clubs push lots of hours on a wide net of kids so they can catch the few that are amazing. However if you have a kid enjoying it it's great exercise and is "more of the same" rather than different groups.

So yes I guess it's from experience of having kids that liked activities, and learning to dial it down. From reading about development and the need for time to play, from the experience of covid and watching others dial it down and reLise they didn't want so much bustle and from numerous threads on here!!

However I'd never tell someone they're overdoing it unless they asked - which the OP did. They want to cut down and asked "how?"

She may decide for herself if she is too tired .If she likes the activities thats good.I would say maybe do Ballet OR Gymnastics? Then Swimming (Vital IMO) and Rainbows as well.If she wants to go with DH then surely thats good ,and a break for you!

DS is now 14 and does football training two week nights and plays a match both Saturday and Sunday.

He also does after school football one or two days, however this doesn't impact too much.

When younger he also did cricket training and tennis after school plus swimming lessons once a week.

Swimming we agreed when he could tread water, swim a few lengths of the pool and was confident he could stop - we stopped around age 8/9.

Cricket and Tennis stopped for Covid and he never returned as he decided Football was what he liked best, however we have since picked up a second team so do double.

I now have a pre schooler also who at the moment enjoys playing with sticks and mud. Will look into an activity for him when he turns 5. In the meantime we go to various toddler groups, role play places, country parks, farms etc while we can

I really agree with dandelions post.

I get that some parents aren't strong swimmers of confidence around the water, so they want their children to be good at swimming.

But more swimmers than non-swimmers drown every year and it's actually it's pretty hard for a small child to be a good swimmer without coaching rather than group lessons.

I am a really excellent swimmer and used your swim a few times a week - lots of coaching in my child/teenage hood.
I wouldn't ever leave a child unsupervised in a pool, they also want you to join in!

IMO it's a skill that doesn't need to be rushed, better to have family time splashing and larking around in a pool together to build up their confidence getting their face wet, putting their feet in the ground, basically being comfortable in the water before group lessons (most of which look like 95% of the time kids are just getting really cold & bored hanging on the side of the pool, waiting their turn.)

I learnt the basics with my parents before group lessons, so the lessons were fun and interesting because I joined already knowing how to float, tread water, and I wasn't afraid of the water going in my eyes etc. Obviously if the parents are scared of the water (my Dad actually can't swim, but happy to be in the 'small' pool teaching me!) then it isn't going to work and you need to outsource the learning.

My DC did the same amount at that age then we started to keep one weekday evening free so they could have friends over.
Then as my DC got older one gave up lots of activities and just concentrated on the one he enjoyed the most which was the drama, the other DC kept adding things but I just rolled with it.

Similar to my 6 year old. Couldn’t get swimming lessons so started gymnastics, then started beavers. Then got a place on swimming and kids can do any other age appropriate clubs at the leisure centre with their swim membership so does dance the same day as swimming and trampolining another day.

My older kids could do as many of the free after school clubs as they wanted plus swimming and one paid for club. 6yo school doesn’t have any free after school clubs so had to change the rules 😆

Rainbow leader here. Obviously I'm a bit biased but I'd say that if you say no to Rainbows, you are left with swimming, dance, gymnastics and football, all of which are sporty related. Rainbows is such a great mix of all sorts of activities including games, crafts, cooking, outdoorsy skills, community involvement etc, so it might give a bit of balance.

My DD is 15months and has been swimming weekly since 4months old. So I'd agree swimming is non negotiable.

For me, I'd be encouraging swimming + rainbows, then ask to choose 1 or 2 max of the other sports. If she doesn't like it, can you switch back at eg. Christmas or whatever?

@MagnaQuestion I see where you’re coming from and do agree about needing time to play and downtime. Mine does still have plenty of this despite the clubs. Plus I know from my older ones they start to drop stuff as they get older anyway. They love beavers but may not want to move up to cubs, swimming lessons won’t be forever (and with that goes any other clubs at the leisure centre), and we won’t continue gymnastics if it gets to the stage of them doing hours and hours of training for endless competitions (unless they show a particular talent or love for it). I do think it’s good for them to experience lots of different things when they’re young to find what they enjoy. My teenage son definitely does better for having his sports as a focus

I have 5 yr olds. They do three after school clubs- which makes my life easier as I pick them up from school later so I can do a bit more work and one at the weekend. It works well

The good thing when they get older is they go to bed later! So I have an 11 year old that does a sport twice a week, and scouts but there is downtime after school before they go out and still time to read in bed and shower when they get back!

It can be overwhelming at 5/6 when they need their routine, reading is so important, and sleep is much earlier! I haven't said no clubs (mine have all tried lots of different things - clubs are great!) Just agreed with OP that her list sounded a lot.

My super tip for swimming - get private 1-1 lessons with a good teacher until they can do widths/lengths well and then they can join the normal leisure centre classes. So much is wasted just taking them in turn to go across the pool that you get a much quicker progress for your money 1-1 and can then put them into a group where the kids all go across the pool at once / or do laps.

My first did baby swimming/toddler lessons/group lessons and it was a lot of faff (loved the mother and baby ones though). The second child was quite ill for a while but at 5 had 1-1s and by 6 was swimming in a much higher group having skipped all the lower lessons. Both did swim club for a bit so can swim well - but the second got there so much quicker!

I see we have competitive over-schedulers in

Yup always happens on these threads Covert!

I never allowed mine more than three - I needed my down time too, and there’s nothing wrong with kids being bored and having to entertain themselves.

Swimming is important and personally I believe the earlier the better. Ditch Rainbows. Others will fall aside over time.

The club years don't last forever, by the time they start secondary a lot of them get dropped sadly.

If she likes going then it's worth the cost and time imo (if you can afford it.)

Swimming is an important life skill that could potentially save your child's life so I don't really consider that an extra or a club.