How do you get children to say please and thank you?

[deaconjohn]

I really do try to teach my children manners, but they don't always say please and thank you. One of my dd's friends (they are both 5) always says please and thank you and is very polite. Her 18 month old sister says thank you too! I asked her mum what she did to raise such a polite children and she says she just encouraged manners very early (from the start) and will remind her every time she forgets. It obviously works, but seems a bit over the top. Should I be doing the same thing? What are your experiences?

My 2 year old uses her please and thank yous without prompting about 90% of the time, and if she forgets all I need do is raise an eyebrow and she adds in the correct words.

we’ve encouraged and modelled it since day one too

we also make a big deal out of her manners if she uses please or thank you in a sentence without prompting ie
mummy Please could I have a banana
excellent manners! Well done thank you for that.

Your friend is right: from the start and reminders are the way to go. How else are they going to learn? This was my tactic. As a result, both my children are well mannered, although the youngest who is ND gets mortally offended when other people aren’t well mannered and has been known to remind people, including strangers, to be better.

As everyone else has said, modelling behaviour and repetition . I always pulled them up on it (gently, what's the magic word type of thing( also, and this may not be popular but when they were older if they dropped their Ts etc (ie we live in Yorkshire and wa-er instead of water) it wasn't done in a mean way just saying the word again with a smile and they do speak nicely now, which is an asset for them , there's no doubt .
Teaching politeness is teaching them about respect for others and seeing things from the other persons point of view , really important.

What I really don't like is when people pretend not to hear children who haven't said please. I'm not even sure why I don't like it; it just seems super rude on the part of the adult. I think modelling good manners is more effective.

Of course you insist. That is not OTT it is just good parenting.

I also grew tired of reminding mine when they were small "I want never gets". So I changed that to a simple "no"

"I want a drink"
"No. You didn't ask nicely, wait a few minutes then try again"

Took only 1 day to have both of them asking politely for what they wanted.

Mine are 5 and 8 and I've been consistent with it since they were tiny yet they do often still forget. I just say pardon? Which is usually enough to remind them. I hate 'ta' with babies we went straight to thank you which resulted in 'kyou' and 'ank' very cute.

Mine are good on this, and generally being polite. Agree with others that starting little is the key and to use please and thank you yourself in your interactions. DP and I were both stickers for this and that helped. Also encourage empathy and consideration, especially when in cafes, shops etc. We've had lots of nice feedback from parents and others about their manners.

“It obviously works, but seems a bit over the top”

Why does it seem over the top?

If you are not consistent how are your children meant to learn anything? 🤷‍♀️

It’s a bit lazy to not do this.