Were you taught social niceties as a child?

[tomorrowalready]

This may seem strange but watching the Queen's funeral reminded me of something I have been curious about. For background I am a woman, over 60, my mother died young and my father was unsocial to say the least. Relatively recently I noticed that many if not most women automatically reach behind and make a smoothing motion over their hips and thighs when sitting down even when wearing trousers. I have only become aware of this from watching television hence my mention of QE's funeral coverage. I notice Charlotte did it on getting into their car on leaving the funeral and her mother also. I honestly have no idea if most women do this in daily life or how they know to do it. Presumably taught by mothers/female relatives but has it always been so? I mean were others my age consciously taught and passed it on or has it developed more recently? I never understood about handshaking either: when and how to do it, who starts and finishes it , why so much significance is assigned to it.

To be clear I am not worried about this just curious if parents generally consciously teach such niceties and how they know how to do it.

recall an au pair of mine telling me to say "thank you" after I sneezed and she said "bless you". She was surprised I didn't know that rule.

I grew up being taught to say excuse me after sneezing and the other person in your company says ‘bless you’.
I’ve never heard anyone saying ‘thank you’ after they sneezed.

The smoothing of skirts/dresses/coats is something I do.

Never heard of adult friends being called ‘auntie/uncle’. The first time I heard this was as an adult and a black colleague constantly spoke about all her ‘aunties’. I eventually asked how many sisters her mother/father had and she explained that all their friends are called ‘auntie’ and ‘uncle’.

My grandmother taught me things such as giving up my seat for an elderly person, holding doors open, sending thank you notes (these days I send texts!).

I teach my own kids these things as they arise and presumably they watch me as my eldest seems to do things I do from copying me.

I’m strict with table manners as bad manners disgust me - things like using a napkin, asking for things to be passed instead of reaching over, elbows on the table, cutlery when finished.

I agree with the poster above who said that etiquette is not as important as being polite, making people feel comfortable and having manners. For example, debating the correct term for a toilet/bathroom/loo is nothing more than trying to categorise people into class systems, which is something I find amuses insecure people.

For example, debating the correct term for a toilet/bathroom/loo is nothing more than trying to categorise people into class systems, which is something I find amuses insecure people.

Agree. Though I'm sure I'd have been corrected if I'd used words like 'toilet' 'serviette' or ´pardon' growing up, so that sort of thing has stuck.

We always had to ask if we could leave the table after a meal. Is that the sort of thing that you mean?

That would be another thing I learnt from watching TV. It seemed quite an American thing to me like holding hands and saying grace.

Is asking "where are you from?" is even good manners?

I find it intrusive and would never ask anyone unless I am in obviously new group of strangers and it's a part of ice-breaker type of scenario when everyone introduces themselves.

Yes, table manners were a particular Thing with my DF. Could make mealtimes something of a trial, but v glad later to know what was what. Particularly since we had a friend with the most appalling TMs! Nobody ever wanted to sit opposite him at the table - talking with a mouth full of food, pig noises, etc., it was gross.
Ditto everyday manners, saying please and thank you, accepting presents graciously even if you didn’t like whatever it was, etc.

@tomorrowalready /anyone, so after exchanging "how do u do"s, how does the conversation go next? Do u always wait for the other person to say something - or do they simply move on to someone else and that's it?

Whilst I am aware that this is a formal way, I find it stilted and I have responded with "pleased to meet you" in the past more than once. Major faux pas on my part?

Yes and it was always remarked on what a lovely polite girl I was (and still receive similar remarks as an adult 😆 I have no doubt speaking in a clipped accent is partly why)

also has elocution lessons and made to walk across the room with a book on my head (I did ballet so my posture was good) this was from my nanny she didn’t want her girls to be seen as common 😆 yes of course from a very working class background to use the word common. I was bought up by my grandparents so probably seemed a little old fashioned.

always used name when saying hello to someone, auntie and uncle for anyone 5+ years (partly cultural), asked to leave table but only when others had finished, absolutely no dropping litter (mu cousins and I received a slap and grounding for this), being respectful towards elder family members in a way that seems stifled (partly cultural), not to answer an adult back list was endless but just seemed normally

I’m fairly strict with da compared to sowm of my friends but not quite so uptight in other ways

I think it depends on the circumstance. For instance, at an interview it would be acceptable to sit down, maybe introduce someone else then get on with things at a party/wedding/social type situation some kind of general remarks on the weather or similar might be expected or finding something in common to chat about. That's why I have remembered the rude brother-in-law. It was supposed to be a friendly meeting and he made things so awkward. I was young and had a working class, unsocial upbringing but I knew better than him.

Sorry my last post was meant in answer to Yogalite's question of what do you say after "How do you Do"?

Whilst I am aware that this is a formal way, I find it stilted and I have responded with "pleased to meet you" in the past more than once. Major faux pas on my part?

Perfectly fine, in my opinion. ´How do you do' is very formal and old fashioned and I don't think I've heard anyone other than my grandparents, great grandparents, and that generation, use it and not for many years.

The only response is to reply "how do you do?".

I don't know what it says about me, but I'm nearly 32 and I say it

Appreciate your replies @tomorrowalready and @darisdet