Silent sex

[SoSobored]

I'm dating someone new, we've done everything up to PIV sex. They seem to be having a good time, but honestly he is so totally silent when we do anything.

It's so weird. I make a normal amount of noise, but it's starting to make me feel a bit self conscious.

Does anyone have any tips/advice?

I'm interpreting "silence" as not even being able to hear any more breathing than you'd hear if someone was reading a book, though.

We are often as quiet as we can manage if there are dc in the house but when they’re not we can be quite loud. Not loud enough for the neighbours to hear but enough that we can hear each other.
totally silent would be quite off putting I think.

My man makes lots of noise!

Silence is unnatural!

That depends on the book though, surely?

you win Mumsnet today Popaholic

I like some feedback, "oh, that's good! Keep doing that! Do you like that?" If someone was silent, I think I'd find it odd, though it probably is preferable to grunting like a pig or howling like a wolf.

I know communication isn't all verbal, and tgere are times in bed when speech may not be possible, as the mouth may be otherwise occupied. I often don't speak (in or out of bed,) but use looks and touch. But I'd still find silent odd.

Me too. That moaning / whimpering is a turnoff. I like the nearly silent type.

I have found that quiet men have often been used to having children about or been in long term house/flat share.

It can be off putting though.

I'd find it weird but I've also had sex with a man who growled and roared and I think I would've preferred if he was totally silent

God one of my uni housemates used to howl & make a ridiculous amount of noise. Initially we would piss ourselves laughing but then it's a proper mood killer if you yourself are trying to get some action but then your partner freaks out because apparently werewolves are real. I'm not convinced it was natural but more of an "act". DH was boyfriend then thinks she was into animal cosplay 😆

@vegang like a lion? 😆

I'm interested in how thoes of you who are silent or have silent partners navigate sex if you aren't communicating. How do you let each other know what's feeling good or if a change is needed? Say you are in one position but he starts to find its an awkward angle or some furniture keeps poking him, how does he suggest a change in position? What if you want a change in position or to stop what your doing and do something totally different? What if you want to try a technique you have never done before? How do you check its OK with them, warn them it might be a bit cold/hot/tingling/whatever?

I'm lying here feeling very thankful that my husband is by no means noisy but not so quiet I could be shagging a doll.

I got told off once mid way through, for not being vocal enough. Was a total turn off as all I could think about then was I meant to be groaning and shouting out, instead of, well just enjoying the moment.
It didn't happen with that person again.

But a pp mentioned having an interval. I met someone at a party and dtd that night. As we had been drinking, it wasn't a rushed event. He was also the quiet type, next minute he pulls out and says I'm going for a smoke, be back in a minute 👀. It takes a lot to dumbfound me, but this did 😂

I can't think of very many men I have slept with that have been very noisy though. Not that I have thought about it very much, but now I have, most have been fairly quiet.

Yes dh is silent apart from maybe abit of a pant if we get vigorous. I think it's fairly normal for men, probably built in that women instinctively show pleasure in order to attract opposite sex and pro create or something.

Going from noisy to quiet shouldn't be the way you commicate during sex. I think most people have their positions.... and most of us would voice "can we swop positions" or whatever.

It doesn't mean we can't commicate it just means some people are genuinely having a good time quietly.

It's been so long I can't remember, 🤔 I'll try tomorrow and report back

😂

No, @Harrriet wins Mumsnet today.

Yep, so weird and totally ruined it for me which is a shame because he was a great shag but I couldn't see him again after the roaring 😆

Everyone is different.

Do you expect everyone to act as if they were doing a porn video? to give you a permanent running commentary of what they are feeling/thinking?

As long as he seems to be enjoying himself then what is the problem?

😆😆

We are often as quiet as we can manage if there are dc in the house but when they’re not we can be quite loud. Not loud enough for the neighbours to hear but enough that we can hear each other.
totally silent would be quite off putting I think.

I agree.

There’s a big difference between being quiet because of DCs and just not making any noise.

I’d be so turned off by a man who just lay their in silence.
I’d think he’d fallen asleep or something.
And I’d definitely think he wasn’t enjoying it.

I would hate the howling and shouting or taking about the Lidl deals but little moans or telling each other how good it feels or what to do etc is what I assumed everyone did and is part of the fun of it all.

The saying goes that women get turned on by what they hear and men get turned on by what they see.

Oh I had one of them once, it was incredibly disconcerting! 😂 current DP certainly isn't a screamer, but there is definitely enough there to feel comfortable.

I’d be worried he’d died.

I take it he doesn’t talk dirty then?