I didn't think I looked that rough!

[Magenta82]

A woman in the supermarket was chatting to my 11 month old DD and said "are you out shopping with granny?"

I was so stunned I couldn't say a word.

I am an older mum at 40 and she hasn't slept through in the last week but I didn't think I looked that rough!

FWIW I have the opposite problem. I get called my DDs sibling or friend all of the time.

You’d think it would be a compliment but I find it embarrassing if their being nice and others can be very rude about it too.

I guess mums can’t win.

My mam was a granny before 40, so where several that I know.

If my oldest DS has a child before he turns 20 then I will be a granny before 40 too dispite the fact I myself have a baby who would only just be in reception by then.

I also have a friend that is 40 who have JUST had there first however I think she looks younger than most the rest of us (good youthful genes).

Being a granny isnt an insult, theres the opposit end too when my oldest was young I regularly got mistaken for his 'sister' alot and people where really rude and wouldnt treat me like an adult even though I was in my 20s.

I’d take that as the Universe telling me to get some proper sleep, drink plenty of water, maybe book a facial and a trip to the hair salon. Perhaps look into some decent hydration skincare and smarter casual wear? It’s never too late!

Average age for UK women to have their first child is 28.5 so hardly common for people to be grannies in their 40s. Why is every thread on here swamped by absolute arseholes at the minute?! Is there something in the water?

@RagamuffinCat

some people are such twats 😤

Completely relative to class, social circle and culture... I know very few people who werent grannies LONG before 54.

Its not remotely unusual to be a grandma in your 40s here so assume this person has the same experiances as you is equally ignorant.

The truth is you are in the cross over age to be both mam and gran thats just a fact and people will guess one way or the other, you dont have to be 'offended' and the 40 year old grans arent beneath you.

No but as has been discussed the average granny is not 40, the current average age for a first time mum is 28.9 years old in 1993 the average age was 25.8 so the average age for a first time grandmother right now would be mid 50s.

True, but they are averages.

There were approx 16k births to mothers under 20 in 2020 and 27k births to mothers 40-45 in the same year, so it is more likely that you would be your DDs mum than her granny at 40.

But the woman didn't know you were 40... There were approx 96k births to mothers under 24 in 2020 but only 29k births to mothers over 40. So, if she guessed your age at 40ish, give or take a few years, it would be a reasonable guess that it's more likely that you are a granny than a mum. Or an incredibly tired 30 something mum that looks a decade older 😂

dont let supermarket people bother you. By looking at prices on shelves , people are taking their frustration out. you could have said , " actually great great great granny , please dont ask me about creams , they might not work on your skin sadly"

This! I have not met many people that are 40 and already grannies. It's not the norm in my area, if anything a lot of people still have young kids at 40 where I live.

I think you can just tell when it's the baby's mother. V occasionally I see a woman with a baby and there might factually be reason for doubt but I still know. Even if it's a glamorous 42 year old granny aged 42 with a baby, or a haggard 42 year old mum with her baby, I know whether she is the mother or not. It's quite intuitive.

I think I've had this experience too. When DS went in to the dentist, she sat him in the chair and said "Hello! What's your name? And who's this?" (pointing at me). I think it was a polite way of saying "You look a bit old to be his mum...".

Awww no OP 😕

Where I live, there seems to be a wide age range for women having babies. We have a fair few teen mums around here, but also quite a lot of first time mums in their 40s (and every age in between!). I work in a baby shop and when women come in with babies/young children, it can be very difficult to know whether they are mum or grandma! Recently a man came in looking for some nursery items. He looked to be in his mid 50s so I assumed he was the Grandfather (but obviously didn’t say so). He turned out to be the dad of the new baby.

Anyway, you’re doing much better than me. I was mistaken for my children’s Grandma when I was 32. 😂 My kids’ grandparents were in their 60s at that time so I was horrified to think I looked 30 years older than I actually was. To be fair, the woman who thought I was a Grandma was not from the UK, and it transpired she’d started having babies at 16, as was very normal and typical in her culture. I felt a tiny bit better about it when she explained that. 😬

Early 40s is ripe for are you mum or granny. In a lot circles it's unthinkable for a woman in her 40s to be a gran! In others it's common. It's more a comment on the person background.

Sometimes it is hard to tell but I wouldn't dream of saying if I didn't know them.

That's nothing op, when I was 20 a shopkeeper asked if I was my 14 year old sister's mum. Bloody hell! 😅

I have twice been mistaken for the mother of my closest friend, who is 13 years younger than I am. However, she does look quite young for her age I will never forgive or forget this

When I had my newborn son out in Asda a women came up and said it's great to have them for a wee while then hand them back isn't it? I said well seeing I'm his mum it's not an option . I was 42 at the time and looked not to bad I thought

*The truth is you are in the cross over age to be both mam and gran that just a fact
*
This is not a fact. You made that up. That's not how facts work. In most social circles 50-60 is the normal age range to become a first time grandparent. Less than 50 is not unheard of but it's certainly not as common.

that Is horribly awful and I’m so sorry for you!

She was rude. There is no point in saying anything else. Rude.

I don’t know any 40 year old grandmothers. I live a sheltered life. I know it’s possible but i don’t know any.

I know about 3. All are girls I went to school with who had their babies just after leaving school. But so also have several friends my age (mid 40s) with toddlers.

You can have young kids AND be a granny... most people have children, have a gap to raise them until their teens then have more children around here.

Its not unual for someone to be a granny or mother to teens old enough to have kids and have a primary school child themselves, almost every family my both my DS classes have that set up.

That’s really strange. In most NHS Trusts they ask people with beards or stubble if they might be pregnant, because you know, inclusivity. My DH just smiles and says ‘ I’m too old now’.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂