I didn't think I looked that rough!

[Magenta82]

A woman in the supermarket was chatting to my 11 month old DD and said "are you out shopping with granny?"

I was so stunned I couldn't say a word.

I am an older mum at 40 and she hasn't slept through in the last week but I didn't think I looked that rough!

I saw my 31 year old brother across the street and waved. The mate standing with him asked if I was his mum. I was 39 😐

Cue weeks of asking everyone I know, and some I didn't, if I looked like I could have a 31 year old child. They all said no of course not, but it's always there...in the back of my mind...

No I won't fuck off 'dear'.

Why do you think you have the right to tell me to do so, because my view differs from yours?

That is awful, cannot get over how rude people are! And I can guarantee you're not ugly, you may not be their particular cup of tea but we can't please everyone. I'd probably have been childish and said 'have you looked in the mirror recently, yuck' (ok, I wouldn't have because I'm a wuss but I'd have thought it!)

And I wouldn't have even known if my brother hadn't found it hilarious, and texted me immediately to let me know.

He's dead to me now.

I don't see how I'm being rude and I think "more than old enough" is a bit of a stretch, yes it's legally and physically possible for me to be a grandmother, but not what most people would assume.

I'm nearly 40 and have both a teen and toddler...

My friend of same age has a 24 year old son and two granddaughters of the same age and older then my youngest....

Everyone is different. So yes at 40 or even 30ish you could be a parent or a younger grandparent.

The exact same thing happened to me twice in one week! (I was also 40 at the time with 2 under 4). It had never happened before and it didn’t ever happen again. But TWICE in one week 🥺. Did wonders for my morale (not)!

How is it a bit of a stretch that you might've had a baby at 20 and your offspring did the same?

20 is hardly an odd age to have kids.

You are being rude to grandmothers here.

Oof... I'd be put out by that too ... I was once mistaken as a man by a wee lad, it does sting a bit, granted my hair was pulled back & I was wearing a hoody lol ... i have a friend that was a young grandmother at 38, she was mistaken as the mum though a few times ... some people just speak without thinking, I'm one of those foot in mouth types, I've adhd and speak without thinking, but I'm actually a nice person and I often feel quite stupid/embarrassed afterwards and overplay the memory of my stupidness in my head again and again.
I'm sure you don't look rough op ❤

What a stupid comment. How the hell is the OP being offensive to 40 year old grandmothers? Surely even you must know that the average grandma of a small child isn’t in their early 40s??

I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant. I’m 3 years older (39) than my Aunt was when she became a Grandma!

It’s nowhere near the national average age, so for a stranger to assume it has happened two generations in a row is a bit of a reach even for mumsnet standards!

I absolutely was not trying to be rude, I just don't know any grandmothers under 50.
My own grandmother was 32 when she had my mother in the 1950s so my image of a grandmother is someone in her 60s.

Apologies if anyone took offence.

Exactly. She is not being rude to grandmothers at all. People are just looking for reasons to be offended, and telling her' but of COURSE you are old enough to be a granny.' Well technically she is, and don't some posters just LOVE putting the boot in and telling her she must NOT get offended at being thought of as a granny at 40?

Ouch. Nowadays a 40 year old with a toddler is much much more likely to be the mother.
If it ever happens again say "oh hello, I know you, you were at school with my mother's older sisters right?"

My work friend was a grandmother at 35

There's a dad at my DDs school who is 53; he has 2 kids - 5 and 2. He is constantly called 'grandad' - 'aw are you here with grandad' 'is grandad spoiling you'..
It drives him potty too but I think it's pretty usual for older parents who could be grandparents.

My dad is about the same age and he's a grandad..

The worst thing is that the dad is married to a woman 20 years younger; and has been referred to as her dad many a time (I may have the first time I met them .)

That's rude.

Yes that was my point, it might be, possible, it might be reasonable, it might be normal, but it is not average.

I knew a great-great-grandmother who was 80!

I knew someone who was a grandmother at 32!
She had a baby at 16, her son went on to have a baby at 15 himself. She adored the grandchild but did find it embarrassing, she was single at the time and felt it was quite off putting to potential dates.

If someone looked 40 and had a small child, I think most people nowadays would presume mum not Nan!

She was clearly deluded OP, having some kind of emotional crisis AND didn't have her lenses in

My mum was 42 when she became a granny, not uncommon.

Exactly, it's not uncommon at all. I know two grandmothers in their very early 40s and neither of them look 'rough'.

I don't think the comments about 40-year-old grandmas not being a rare sight in the wild are all that helpful tbh. It seems a reach. I do think that if you looked tired and frankly who isn't with a non-sleeping baby then it's fair to say you didn't look your best.. Whether or not you look like you could be your daughter's gran is neither here nor there. Some people are just very haphazard with words - if she's initiated a harmless chat with your kid then the odds are she didn't mean any malice.

Biologically speaking she's bang on OP.