Has an ‘outing’ post ever been ‘outed’?

[Custardandcreamp]

Has anyone read a post and realised they know the poster personally? Did you tell them you knew?
I know posts can be pulled when there’s identifying information but I’m curious if it’s ever happened to you or you’ve witnessed it.
There’s a post on AIBU and I know the poster and the truth to what they’re posting about (I won’t say which one out of respect and I’m in two minds whether to contact them with the answer they’re looking for) I just didn’t expect to find a post that I can identify I assumed it wasn’t common.

Yes.
I do wonder if her husband who I also know would mind what she shared about him...! But I have pretended not to know.

Yeah that's weird tho as it's quite clear from this thread that everyone name changes, so I'm always so confused as to why some still jump on that

I always think it's a bit creepy to search a username and bring up previous thread details into a current thread. But I don't troll hunt and rarely get emotionally attached to stories in threads.

@AlongCameBetsy
I got searched at Christmas. My sister was vile to me and I went NC. I had just been made redundant and someone pulled that into my post about being a carer. So essentially I was lying. I wasn't as the post referred to events 4 years apart. I don't know why these people want to be so nasty.

I had someone say that they recognised me but it actually wasn't me, someone else had been going through something very similar to me. It was useful to look at the replies on the thread though since the situation was so similar.

I found a close friend’s sister on here. She posted a very detailed thread about their Mum’s cancer diagnosis and my friend had just been telling me about it on the same day. All the details matched up, I admit I advance searched the sister and found other threads that matched details I knew about her such as children names and ages, country they’d grown up in etc. She had posted a couple of threads about my friend too, they have a big age gap and friend was still out partying etc which sister disapproved of.

This was around a decade ago and I never told my friend but I admit I slightly stalked the sister’s posts on here for a while until after maybe 6 months or so she suddenly stopped posting (presumably name changed). At the time I’d only met her sister a handful of brief times, I’ve since spent more time with her at my friends hen/ wedding and since she’s had kids and I know she still frequents Mumsnet but haven’t ever spotted again.

Yes, I once posted about an abusive relationship and was outed on another forum that was gossiping about me (I used to be in the public eye in a niche area) - my ex didn't follow Mumsnet so I felt 'safe' here but he followed the other forum and they posted links to the Mumsnet thread. It was so awful, really awful, and had dire consequences for what I was going through at the time. I'm since so careful about what identifying bits of info I share and am a prolific name changer, pretty much every time I start a new thread. It only takes one person with bad intentions to put 2+2 together.

I've also recognized one person on here who I follow on IG. She's going through a terrible time at the moment so it's lovely to see her get such support (I haven't told her I know, or noted/searched her username)

I've recognised a friend on here. She changed names and I recognised her again. I've never let on but it made me realise how much can be identified from posts.

It's definitely true that in the earlier days of MN everyone was really casual about posting identifying information, without really being aware that anyone could be reading. You could click on a profile and people would have uploaded wedding pics, pics of their kids etc.

There was a woman a few years ago who was a really prolific poster - it was when mn seemed smaller and some posters were quite well known and popular. She posted in detail about her ex who was emotionally abusive and her ongoing issues with him. I think it's too easy to forget just how many people can potentially be reading your posts- she ended up posting a link to a really outing newspaper article about something that had happened to her ex. A friend of his spotted it and alerted him, and all hell broke loose for her.

That, plus the rendency for threads to end up in the papers, should be a cautionary tale to us all.

@EscapeRooms

Did the judge take any notice?

Nope! It wasn't even mentioned! Ex had even done a helpful little key at the front to explain names and who was who. He was insisting it was "contempt of court" as I had spoken of the case but without any identifying detail, just in general.

Police weren't interesting either. "It is not harassment for somebody to seek advice and support on an anonymous forum".

It was just bad luck that my threads were recognised and definitely down to the fact that OW's husband had been killed and she moved mine in almost immediately after. It was a bit of a local scandal 🤷🏻‍♀️

*tendency

Yes. I saw a woman posting about thr circumstances around her husband’s death. Someone I know posted on Facebook about his friend’s funeral.

They were 100 per cent the same person. I was then, cos my friend tagged people, able to see photos of OP and her family.

Not a shocking outing, but a reminder that nothing we post on here is truly anonymous.

I name change all the time because I've seen threads where people were recognised. Someone thought they'd worked out who I am recently (because my partner is well known) but they got the wrong celeb. 😂

A "friend" recently recognised me and instead of keeping schtum or telling me privately, she decided to broadcast it in front of several mutual friends when we were out for a coffee, then grill me about it when I denied it was me.

The specific post wasn't so bad, it was the fact that she was saying it to embarrass me in front of others. And the thought of her being able to read through my history made me really uncomfortable. Such a shitty thing to do.

I posted on behalf of my brother about something to do with his exw and DC. I changed some details like the sex of child and age, but we got spotted and the ex text my brother and it caused all sorts of drama. MN removed the thread in this case.

I once posted for advice and it ended up in a tabloid - I was raging. It's made me name change pretty much every week or whenever I respond on a thread.

Back before I had MN, my DH received a scathing text from his ex calling me and DH all sorts for posting a thread on here about her etc. it wasn't us. He asked to see the thread and she refused to send the link and told DH to look at my phone or browsing history as it was clearly me if he was so adamant it wasn't him!

Never did find out what she was on about. I didn't join here until a few years later.

My mum's on here! There was a 'lovely things' thread on here after the EU referendum, and my mum spotted my post and knew it was me! 😁 We know each others' usernames, which is nice really.

Not on here but a few friends have worked out my Twitter name

Yes this is what I always wonder when people say they have spotted someone on here because the details match - I always think "but what if it was someone else who is having the same issues and you just think it's your friend/neighbour/sil?"

I mean, issues with kids, relationships etc are hardly rare and lots of us will go through similar things in our lifetimes. So how do you definitely know it was "your" person?

A real life 'friend' of mine who knows I am on here and knew my MN name posted an ambiguous message about something she had found out about me and did not know what to do.
I recognised her immediately from her sentence construction and use of language (same as messages) and responded. She replied in a jokey way but I had her bang to rights.
This was because I would not and never will get involved in family squabbles where the people themselves can sort their own mess out without pulling me into it so I would be blamed when they are all friends again.
I won't be manipulated by trouble causers and she tried to hurt me on here ffs.
I was worried what else she would say - escalate things - and I complained to Mumsnet who did nothing
I had to name change permanently. I know it was her and she knows that I know.
We do not speak now and it is all her own fault. The problem has now gone away as I knew it would with or without my input.
She is a fool and I am a fool for having liked her. I do not like her now.
Mumsnet could have killed the thread. I asked more than once and they said No.

I do find it funny when people say they know for certain who a poster is. I've had someone in real life say they thought they found me on here and the post wasn't by me at all.

I once spotted the wife of a friend of DH's. I recognised the situation but did not alert her to the fact I had spotted her as she was getting some good advice.

Around the same time though I flounced over something and when I re-regged a week or so later had by then forgotten her username.

I haven't ever recognised anyone but sometimes there are very specific scenarios which I think are unlikely to be duplicated elsewhere. For example, at the end of last week there was a thread about a very specific employment issue (late stage pregnancy, being asked to do a press trip in the US although someone else could do it). I can't find the thread now so I wonder if it was deleted because it was outing.

But most of the time, you might think oh that could be so and so but in reality it will be someone on the other side of the country.

I've known for certain twice and asked and was right. If someone mentions a job, location and a situation it's easy to spot. My job is quite specialist and if I paired that with my ethnicity there's probably only me!

I've spotted a parent complaining about a school but she was lying about her darling child.

I didn't reply as that would out me as I was part of the investigation that resulted in is evental Permanent Exclusion.

I recognised a situation somebody posted about somebody they knew who had several children with disabilities, who were getting DLa ,and the poster didn't think it was fair etc they posted a few specific details that I recognised as a Facebook friend of mine i told the person in the thread i recognised who they were talking about and they should get it removed
Randomly I once posted about my old secondary school and somebody messaged me to ask if it was X school which it was 🤣