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Original poster

Being poor is...

286 replies

TinyPhotoFrames · 21/09/2022 06:28

Money being the last thing you think of at night and first thing when you wake up.
Dreading party invites in school bags.
Wrapping the baby in blankets because it's cold but too early to justify the heating.
Feel free to add your own

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 21/09/2022 06:32

Poor for me is when I was a child and had no heating ( no, not even a coal fire ), clothes from a jumble sale, and free school meals. There were times when I didn’t wear uniform at school as I didn’t have one.

lickenchugget · 21/09/2022 06:32

Terrified of opening post
Dreading people ‘popping in’
Lying awake for hours worrying
Tired.

SweetTeapot · 21/09/2022 06:41

Being poor is crap. Everyone thinks they know what it's like but you never really understand it till you go through it yourself and think fuck - this is horrendous. It's not just the basic stuff like food, heating, clothing. There's all the little things that most people wouldn't even think twice about. Being poor is so all encompassing. I think I was traumatised by my experience tbh.

BenCoopersSupportWren · 21/09/2022 06:46

Relentless.

Panic-inducing, not just at the obvious times when bills are due or something breaks, but at random moments when you’re trying to concentrate on something else entirely.

Exhausting.

Isolating.

I’ve been on the absolute bones of my arse in the past, and the thought that wage stagnation and spiralling costs could have me back there in the near future is fucking terrifying.

teacoffeesomethingsweet · 21/09/2022 06:51

I’ve been there.

It’s exhausting, consumes your every thought during every second of every minute of every our of every day.

It affects everything and is isolating as fuck.

Scarcity mindset is a thing and I don’t think I’ve ever fully recovered from it.

Soubriquet · 21/09/2022 06:54

Not being able to afford to fill the kerosene tank

We have to do smaller runs which means we run out quickly. We haven’t been able to afford to fill anything in it in 2 months now.

So it’s been boiling the kettle to make hot water to do the washing up with.

Boiling the kettle to do a bowl of hot water to body wash and wash our hair with.

Im desperate for a bath. We can’t even have a shower as it’s knackered and the landlord won’t fix it yet.

lannistunut · 21/09/2022 06:54

Exhausting as you have to think about everything all the time.

Isolating because people don't want to hear about it and often deny it is happening.

Enraging because it is a political choice made by governments. The poorest 20% in Ireland are 63% better off than the poorest 20% in the UK. That's a deliberate decision of the Tories, supported by their voters.

Character changing. I'm no longer struggling but I will never forget and I will never be complacent.

FourTeaFallOut · 21/09/2022 06:58

Looking at your mother's shrinking frame and pretending you are full so she can finish the rest.

Original poster
TinyPhotoFrames · 21/09/2022 07:00

Never getting to feel good about yourself because any thing like toothpaste or shampoo. Hair is so dull and lifeless. Always looks awful.
or mascara is the absolute cheapest and then you feel guilty for spending the money on yourself.
Same tired clothes on repeat that look tatty as they have been worn so many times.

OP posts:
monicagellerbing · 21/09/2022 07:00

Dreading birthdays and Christmas

FreezyFreezy · 21/09/2022 07:03

Having to tell your child, whose birthday is later this week, that they can have cake or buns, not both. What you don't tell them is that the reason for this is that you're almost 8 weeks behind on rent.

A bottle of the cheapest possible lemonade is a treat.

When your elderly father gives his £50 food voucher to you because you need it more.

Being poor is shit.

NormalNans · 21/09/2022 07:07

FourTeaFallOut · 21/09/2022 06:58

Looking at your mother's shrinking frame and pretending you are full so she can finish the rest.

When my kids were younger I would go without food so they could eat, fill up on hot drinks. I’m pretty sure they never noticed, I hope they didn’t but your post made me wonder. I also everyone in the families hair

over2021 · 21/09/2022 07:17

... something you don't forget.

Our circumstances have changed by the not wanting to open post, hating visitors just rocking up and dreading party invitations all ring very true.

I think things have become more dire though and being poor now means choosing between heating and eating.

BirmaBrite · 21/09/2022 07:18

Being poor is living with a lack of hope.

PrettyPrim · 21/09/2022 07:18

Ignoring phone calls from the bank/loan people who you're behind on payments with and going to bed feeling sick about it

GoneWithTheWine1 · 21/09/2022 07:19

Hoping a new guy Fawkes appears this November and radically changes this shit. BlushSad

It's so depressing even the post is giving me aniexty.

Manekinek0 · 21/09/2022 07:28

Having a lack of options. Had a shit day at work and don't fancy cooking lentil soup again, well tough shit you don't have the money for something different. Your washing machine breaks, well you know you'll be hand washing everything in the bath once the kids are in bed because you can't afford a launderette (not that I could afford a car at the time anyway!) and the small amount you had in savings went on replacing the cooker which broke just last month!

Asking your grandma to buy you vouchers to a supermarket when she asks what you would like for Christmas or birthdays.

Hanging around in the breakroom after work on your half day because the kids are still at school and you can't justify putting the heating on just for you.

Not being able to relate or join in conversations about makeup, fashion, cooking anything that isn't budget, eating out, bars and drinking, home decor, shopping etc.

LaurieFairyCake · 21/09/2022 07:29

The gap between how you look and how you actually are

My grandmother bought my clothes so I looked great but I was so hungry I'd lie to get out of class and steal other kids food left in the cloakrooms

Fuuuuuckit · 21/09/2022 07:35

When the kids ask for kellogs cereal for their birthday treat instead of value cornflakes

When the kids realise that things are bad again because they've had variations of spag bol 3 days in a row.

The horror of realising that your neighbour's weekly lunch invite is because she's worried you're not eating properly (she's right, and the simple joy of a jacket potato with cheese AND beans)

Buying school shoes and clothes as birthday/Xmas presents

Going to bed early (to save money on heating and electricity) but lying in the dark for hours worrying about money.

DomesticShortHair · 21/09/2022 07:38

Off the top of my head, from my childhood:

Hiding behind the couch when the rent man was knocking at the front door.

Getting second-hand Christmas presents, bought with a provvy order.

Getting an IOU instead of birthday presents.

Having the Radio Rentals man turn up to take the tele back because we couldn’t afford it.

Buying a sack of potatoes from the petrol station and having chips for every meal for a week.

I can’t recall it ever bothering me that much. But it’s only when I got older that I realised the incredible stress and embarrassment that my Mam must have been under. Not my Dad though, as long as he got his cigarettes, his bet and his pints down the social club (which he usually did as the first priority).

distracta · 21/09/2022 07:40

Frightening and isolating…

UseOfWeapons · 21/09/2022 07:45

Exhausting and all-encompassing.
Scrabbling around in the gutters at the bus station in the rain, as it was the one place where I’d found people always drop change. Gathering it up, buying a tin of soup.
Feeling guilty that friends invited me to eat with them, as otherwise I’d go hungry.
Scared of opening the post.

Snugglemonkey · 21/09/2022 07:55

A constant, all encompassing grind. It is not something you can ever forget, because it seeps through every bit of your life. It feels shameful, partly I think because I felt I had to be deceitful with the "yes, I am ok" bit, when no part of me was ok.

It leaves an indelible mark. Even though I am comfortable now, I save what I can. Not even just money, but food and anything that might be useful. It is always in my head that I might need it and not be able to afford it, despite that being highly unlikely. I don't think it will ever leave me.

barbrahunter · 21/09/2022 07:57

Oh I remember it well. I am so sorry for you all enduring it.

Can I add

  • the endless procession of official people (bailiffs, tv licence etc) knocking at the door demanding money owed (this was in the 80s)
  • dressing in really shit jumble sale clothes all the time and knowing you look like shit too
  • embarrassment in front of friends that someone else has already mentioned

I have life-long hoarding problems because I never knew how/when I'd be able to buy essentials/basics next.

Thinkingblonde · 21/09/2022 07:59

PrettyPrim · 21/09/2022 07:18

Ignoring phone calls from the bank/loan people who you're behind on payments with and going to bed feeling sick about it

Please answer the calls. I’ve been through this, We were behind with everything, except the mortgage, ( DH was determined we’d keep the roof over our heads) due to the knock on effects of a long period of unemployment.
A bailiff gave me hope when he called over ccj we’d got over the water bill. He was so kind, he negotiated with the water company for a payment plan. As he was leaving he noticed the pile of unopened post on the table and said don’t ignore those if they are what I think they are, open them take them to Citizens Advice Bureau and they will help you like I did today.
I did just that, the CAB helped us. I had to write down all income, all outgoings, they worked out a payment plan, drafted a stock letter for me to send to each creditor with an offer to repay. Negotiated with credit card company to stop the interest on the debt. It took three years to get out of debt, it wasn’t easy, We had to make sure we didn’t miss a payment, but those bloody letters stopped.
If you don’t want to involve anyone else, you could do it yourself by ringing the creditors yourself.