Being poor is...

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Money being the last thing you think of at night and first thing when you wake up.
Dreading party invites in school bags.
Wrapping the baby in blankets because it's cold but too early to justify the heating.
Feel free to add your own

To me the worse thing about being poor is the lack of choice. You can’t choose where to shop or even what to buy!

I probably need to look at my emails...But dreading it.
Dreading increases in insurance &c. Feel sick thinking about it.
Never mind fuel bills.

To me being poor is

going to sleep in the evenings because there is nothing else to do that doesn’t cost money and it’s the only thing that distracts you from being hungry and cold.

being lonely, especially as a teenager when I couldn’t relate to others, and then as a young single parent stuck at home when all my contemporaries were out having fun.

I’m not proud but I used to take food when I was a young teenager because I was so hungry, the route home from school was through a shopping centre which was ideal because I could get warm in there. I used to sit on the public benches and do my homework sometimes. But it wasn’t fun because it smelled like food and was all glitzy with goods as shopping centres are, and sometimes I’d just crack. I’d then run home to eat it before anyone found out. I’d hide the wrappers in my school bag and dispose of them in public bins on the way to school the next day. I wasn’t taking sweets, it was bread, potatoes or meat. I never got caught. Once I was old enough I got a job, then two jobs during GCSE years at school and used my money to buy food to eat, so that was better. Had to leave at 16 to get more jobs and bringing in money.

The most jobs I’ve ever had at the same time was four (part time) jobs.

Hiding the fact I had no heating or hot water in the house from the midwife and health visitor in case they took my baby away from me.

@Soubriquet we are the same in terms of not having any heating or hot water because of the cost of heating oil. The prices are staggering. We will be buying 500L next month for what we would have paid for 1500L not long ago. I have read that people who rely on heating oil for heat will have a scheme to help but there are no details yet at all. There are so many rural properties without gas which rely on other sources for heating. Anyway, hopefully there will be an announcement soon about any help for us

my kids never being able to invite a friend home because I am so deeply ashamed of our house- we haven’t had a stair carpet since we moved in 9 years ago. old broken furniture, and wearing the same few items
of clothing over and over, despite owning my own business- on the outside to others I am doing ok, in reality I am wondering how I am going to pay my rent this week.

That really moved me.

Hope so! That would be a big help

I was initially envious of those without gas... Until I heard heating oil is even dearer, or on a par with Gas.

Being poor is tiring. Even things like food shopping takes much more time because I have to go daily to hunt for yellow sticker items. I only buy charity shop clothes - again this is more time consuming than simply ordering online. I can't afford to drive so walk everywhere.

Not going abroad in 30 yrs (never flown was one off ferry to France). DS has never had a holiday, not even a UK one)

Cutting my own (and DS) hair for the past 12 years.

Feeling guilty about buying yourself some second hand books (3 for £1) and wondering how people afford to buy new hardbacks.

Buying some second hand trousers for £2 and being delighted when they not only don't charge you for a carrier bag but give you one of the silver foil lined Lidl shopping bags for freezer food because you'd never justify spending that much on a shopping bag yourself.

BUT

Being poor has taught my son the value of money, it's taught him how to look after his money and to budget. It has taught me that there is joy to be found that goes well beyond anything money can buy, that joy isn't in the latest designer handbags and trinkets. It's taught me that I'm liked for me as an individual, not for what I own, how I dress or look.

I also have a huge appreciation for the little I do have and when it starts to get me down I consider that I have a blessed life compared to millions in this world who have no clean water, no shelter, no health care etc - my life is what many in worse situations would aspire to have.

Yes, being poor is shit and I long for a day when I can walk into a supermarket and put whatever I want into a trolley or not feel panicked when a bill comes through the door but there is so much worse things to be in life than to be poor IMO.

Being the only one in your family who isn’t on a decent income and feeling sick when it’s birthdays/Christmas because they don’t understand why you can’t get them something that’s £30 (specifically younger members - I always feel so so guilty/ashamed about this)

Lying to get out of meeting friends for coffee/lunch etc because you can’t afford it

Timing when to put on the washer etc because it’s cheaper at certain hours (we’re not in the UK so unsure if it’s the same there)

Wondering if you can get another year’s wear out of clothes for DC, buying secondhand and too big clothes for them to grow into so you don’t have to buy clothes so often. Sending them into nursery with holes in their trousers at the knees because “they’ll just get holes anyway”

Also dreading winter and the increased bills, plus I’d budgeted down to the penny for the time from now to Christmas and then the landlord announced he was raising the rent so I’m considering finding another job despite already working full time…

And yes the exhaustion. Never getting a good night’s sleep because of the constant anxiety.

Sending love to everyone in this situation - I know even though we’re struggling there are those that have it way worse. The huge wealth divide is so infuriating and also makes me apathetic as it feels like there’s nothing we can do about it

Having been dragged up by a mother with severe mental illness, I had no access to food, water (hot or cold) or washing facilities. So for me, being poor is to continually make the same bad decisions and expect a different outcome everytime. ie, insanity.

When the going gets tough, priorities have to change and inevitably sacrifices will have to be made. The British stiff upper lip is strong on my dad's side and I'm forever grateful for it.

This is heartbreaking

Hopelessness. Dread. Never Ending.

Being poor really is the shittest of the shittest and I don't think I had it as bad as others.

Dreading every single phone call, every single letter, every single knock at the door; always looking over your shoulder.

Getting yourself into spiraling debt in order to fund the essentials, not even caring about the repercussions or how it will affect you in the future.

Money being the first and last thing on your mind every day. Playing white noise while you sleep to try and block out the panicking thoughts.

The shame of telling anyone your situation, distancing yourself from friends because you can't afford to do anything.

It's all utter crap. I empathise with everyone and anyone going through a tough time with money, especially when you are doing it alone.

Lonely, watching life pass you by

This thread is incredibly moving, and also makes me so angry at the policies and government that have implemented policies which mean so many more people will experience extreme poverty.

I've never experienced some of the extreme hardships stated here, but both of my parents lived childhoods of extreme poverty, and the mark of that was indelible on both of them.

Getting patronised by people that have never experienced it
saying things like money doesn’t equal happiness ……

I remember as a child being sent to bed at 6 - in the winter so we couldn’t complain about being cold, didn’t need to use electricity/gas & not mention being hungry. In the summer it used to
upset me hearing children play.

We used to share a bath water on a Sunday night. One school shirt to last the week - I must have smelt by Friday. I remember my shoe heel falling off and knowing my Dad would superglue it when I went home to make it last. I also had hand me down uniform from my family - she was a large girl and I was very slim blazer was huge on me! We lived in one on the most deprived council estates in the country.

Im 44 now so this was during the 80’s. I remember thinking is there ever a way out - Education was mine - head down at school (regardless of what’s going on around me) and study. I remember asking my parents if they support me by letting me stay at home for university- my Mum said no couldn’t afford it. So I left the area found an apprentice type job in office.

Everyones experiences are different and it’s not a race to the bottom.

Being physically uncomfortable. Too cold because there's no heating, or sweaty because you're clothes are cheap itchy polyester, or sticky because you can't afford to wash daily and know that you smell, or damp because you jeans trail on the floor soaking up water, with frozen feet because you have to wear your shoes until they literally fall apart even though they already have holes in them.

Also, weird food: some days it's fairly normal, fish fingers and peas or cheese on toast. Other days it's just angel delight (this is the 90s), or random things like chocolate mousse, just because it was the cheapest yellow sticker'd item in the supermarket.

I haven't lived like this for nearly 20 years, but I still remember it as if it were yesterday.

I despise this....

Correct, money doesn't buy you happiness but having absolutely zero money brings you so much unhappiness.

Your, not you're. I can spell, honest.

It's my birthday at the weekend, I've told my mum i I'd prefer £20 this year instead of my normal book voucher so I can shop around. It actually means I can get a small top up shop to last me two weeks.

my son asked if he could have his friend over yesterday, I had to say no because we were busy at home, not that I didn't have enough food to feed them both. friends mum offered to have my son over to their house instead and bought my son a takeaway for tea. I was so happy he got a treat, and so relieved I saved one extra days evening meal for him.

having to smile at second son when he told me his trainers felt tight and tell him we'd have to get some new ones soon. how?

supergluing ds's school shoes together for weeks before the summer holidays.

Going for walks because the electric has run out, and using those walks to look for dropped change.
Stealing food.

This. I remember replying quite firmly to a woman at a discussion group who said only the poor can be truly happy as only they are free. That comment disgusted me.

I fell pregnant at 18 and ended up on benefits-to my shame

£80 a week to pay for everything-this was 1996/1997

my parents are fucking useless-my mother is a narcissist,my father enables her and the rest of the family learnt from the best-they used to love to give the impression of doing everything for me-the harsh reality was they did nothing

theyd openly laugh at me for begging for help,but go round telling everyone that I’d never survive without them

it was the never ending trying to turn every penny into a pound

worrying about how I’d afford the next packet of nappies/shoes/coat

dreading weaning my baby as I could barely afford food for me let alone her

something like the cooker or washer broke-no money to replace it-I remember renting a washer and they put me on a meter-I had to put £1 in per load-no £1,no washing-I remember trying to work out what stuff we really needed for the next few days

couldnt afford sanpro-tissues down my pants-and I have always had heavy periods

dreading my baby growing-no new clothes

that knock at the door-I still panic if there’s a knock

theres is free things to do,but not having the bus fare to get to them

zero treats

mending clothes that really should be fit for the bin

Not being able to put the heating on-ever

having the jam jars labelled with ‘gas’ ‘electric’ ‘food’ ‘nappies’ etc and praying to have enough change to put in each one-and praying harder that I’d not have to dip into one to pay another

having to buy birthday and Christmas presents from a charity for pennies and not having the pennies so having to cut back elsewhere

walking round with holes in my shoes-I couldn’t afford to get them mended-new ones where just too out of my budget

having to deal with the shame of charity-I remember getting a food parcel once-and some well meaning child had written something like ‘dear poor person-i hope you like this soup,love Alice’ I cried-don’t get me wrong,I was grateful but it was so shameful-I couldn’t afford a treat like soup-it sat in my cupboard for a week and I cried every time I saw it

really wanting treats like cheap biscuits or a value chicken-it was in front of me but it may as well have been a million miles away-I couldn’t have it

the tears at finding £1 in a coat pocket or down the sofa and knowing I’d eat that night-i remember finding £3 in loose change (it had fallen out of a friends pocket) and I cried with sheer relief

having to shop at the expensive corner shop as I can’t drive and couldn’t get to cheaper tesco or Asda

having no pride-I couldn’t afford it

the worst thing was being ‘the poor one’ and having family openly mocking and laughing at me for ‘living hand to mouth’

I remember my parents going out for meals and openly bragging that it cost £190 for one meal between them

spending 5k on a holiday and bragging and ramming their holiday snaps down my throat-‘one day,you will go on holiday-not as nice as ours,but it’s something to aim for’

(I know it was their money to spend as they saw fit-but it was the fact they bragged for months in front of me)

my aunt (who’d been there herself as a single parent with no money) once bought dd loads of small cheap crap toys-I couldn’t afford batteries
i managed to buy her some and within the hour,they whole lot had fallen to bits-my mother told my aunt who laughed and was like ‘opps’
that ‘opps’ meant I didn’t eat for 3 days-but how they laughed about it

it was all encasing-i don’t thing I ever stopped worrying about where the next penny came from-it moulded my dd and now she’s as sharp as a tack when it comes to money-she can cope on the bare minimum-I’ve seen her do it even though she doesn’t have to,thankfully

(I’m nc with my family-to their shock as they don’t see they did anything wrong-they will tell everyone they did everything for me,paid for everything and I’m ungrateful)

Unraveling free/charity jumpers, scarves etc to re knit. Ice on the inside, not eating so I could feed my kids, being thrilled when there were windfall apples. It's shit, and yes you become resourceful but fuck me there's easier ways