Being poor is...

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Money being the last thing you think of at night and first thing when you wake up.
Dreading party invites in school bags.
Wrapping the baby in blankets because it's cold but too early to justify the heating.
Feel free to add your own

Hiding the fact I had no heating or hot water in the house from the midwife and health visitor in case they took my baby away from me

Bless you

My lowest point was definitely being 22 and DD being 8 months old or so, mat pay had stopped and though I was returning to work I had a gap between mat pay and my agreed start date of about 3 months. Was completely clueless about benefits, there was a huge delay and I had nothing coming in but £20 a week child benefit to look after myself and formula fed baby. Was living in temporary accommodation. Literally had to walk into boots and steal baby formula and a pack of nappies

For me that was only a temporary situation but there are so many living with simply not enough money to survive. And now the news is full of headlines about scrapping banker bonus caps and I've never in my life had such a visceral, hate filled reaction to a politician. I truly despair.

Oh Wibbly that brought tears to my eyes… We had similar incidents like that growing up. I recall my mum saying she couldn’t afford to pay for my school residential trip in Year 5. I was quite upset about it as I was the only one not going in my class. That night my grandpa dropped by our house. He’d had a little win on the premium bonds and handed my mum an envelope with a ‘little something’ in it. Without even knowing about my trip, it was exact amount needed.

Money was very tight growing up in a single parent family and there have been various times as an adult that I’ve struggled too. Unless you’ve been through it, I don’t think people understand.

Spaghetti with grated cheese on top is an ordinary regular meal - bolognaise is too expensive.
Only having two pairs of trousers and two bras and having to plan when you wash them so you are reasonably clean.
Having holy awful clothes you wear around the house so as to keep the clothes you wear outside decent for longer.
Walking everywhere you can.
Just having to plan everything really.
And being patronised by people who advise that all you have to do is cook from scratch and budget - always by people who have never really been poor.

Telling your children that you're not not having dinner, you just haven't got time right now and will have it when they're in bed later. It's that feeling in the pit of your stomach when the weather starts getting colder and you realise that means they need a whole new set of clothes. It's realising you didn't budget in a trip to the barbers and wondering where the hell you're going to magic £15 from.

Having literally nothing some weeks so that my daughter could have lunch at nursery- no bus fare for work, no groceries, no electric credit so using the emergency and having to pay double when I could top it up.
Buying all my clothes from charity shops and then wearing them for years until they were rags.
Christmas and my daughter's birthday made possible by the Church Army donations.

Things are a bit better now. I do read these "save on electric" tips and so on and think But I've been doing this for years, what now? though.

I remember having a bit more money and being able to buy yoghurt. Before that yoghurt was a luxury.
Also while others are aghast at Marcus Rushford's stories from his childhood, seeing them as normal life.

As a child-

Not quite enough food, we had meals but if we were hungry afterwards there was nothing else.
No heating
One pair of shoes until they no longer fitted, so as a teenager when everyone in school had knew shoes for the start of year I didn’t.

As an adult-
Not bothering to have an eye test because I can’t afford the glasses.
Not sleeping because I’m worried about one DD in Uni, her accommodation for next year doesn’t include utility bills. Her twin sister, different Uni, has cheaper rent including utility bills.
DH refusing to take elderly dog boy the vet due to costs.

Lots more that I can’t think of right now.

Trying your hardest to hide the fact we're broke from the children, only to have the children turn around and say they know we cant afford to switch the oven on this week so they'll have cereal for dinner..

Having a friend buy baby milk because you cant afford to.

Being terrified of an appliance breaking down or a car repair bill.

Dreaming of winning the lottery, but not like millions, but just enough to pay off my debts and live comfortably.

Not being able to afford to replace/repair shoes and constantly having wet feet from wearing shoes with holes in.

Working all day and having to walk miles home because you can’t afford the bus fare.

Watching other people buy things without batting an eyelid that would cost you a months salary and feeling rubbish about it.

Eating the same meal most nights of the week. Or on a bad week having nothing/toast so that there is enough food for the kids to eat.

Dreading not being able to afford school photos/trips and spending everything you have on school uniform because you have no other choice.

Worrying about how to afford a coat for your child when they have grown out of their old one.

before XH and I split, things were bad (but not nearly as bad as some of the things I've read here). He was out of work: no probs, I thought, I'm a nurse, I can work and bring in the money, whilst he looks after the kids (and the time my DC1 was in primary school and my DC2 was a baby). But(!), he was unreliable, and (it turns out) an alcoholic and drug user (he managed to hide it behind MH problems and he gaslighted me about it for years), who would go AWOL at the drop of the hat.

So I spent out a fortune on childcare as well as everything else (I thought that if he had the time/space to get help, things would be ok). I lived in my overdraft, prayed the bank wouldn't recall it, was up to the hilt on credit card debt as I was paying out almost as much as I earned on childcare alone (let alone the rest of the bills). I couldn't afford school trips for DC1, was late with paying all my bills, I patched up old clothes and would skip meals so that the kids could eat. I was scared of opening post, of the phonecalls and debt collectors. I was scared I'd lose my home (rented) and my job as childcare times didn't tie up with my shift times, so if he went AWOL, I'd either have to be late for work or have to run off from work last minute to pick up the kids. Police used to come to my ward if he went AWOL/missing (or if he got picked up somewhere). Bailiffs used to come to the house. I'd pick up every penny I found and would have to hide cash as I was worried he'd take it and spend it.

I was very lucky though: I had the privilege and luck of a good education, I had qualifications and a job. I also had/still have good health, which enabled me to work full time hours (well, more than full time hours). It took me years to pay off the debts and I'm cautious/frugal as hell even now. I've never forgotten that time and I want to stay single for the rest of my life. I also drill it into my kids that poverty could happen to anyone, and that they should never take things for granted.

Being pregnant and having an empty stomach made me sick, but eventually I ate everything in the house (which believe me wasnt much) and being so grateful when DH checked the old shed freezer which we used one xmas for overflow (before our lives and finances went down the toilet) and he found an old packet of chips and croissants and I felt untold relief. I lived the rest of the week on chips till DH got paid.

This thread is heartbreaking. I've sobbed reading it. The worlds such a cruel place - no one deserves to struggle so much. I wish I was in a position to help every single one of you ❤️❤️❤️

This will probably get deleted but if anyone needs a pair of size 9 children’s wellies please PM me. I have a pair that can go free to a good home

As lots of others have said: relentless and exhausting, all-consuming.

… being relieved when your lovely cat died as it meant no more money to spend on cat food, litter, vets bills, no pet insurance coming out every month 😞

… spending hours and hours having to research each purchase to make sure you’re getting the best deal

… wearing an old fleece of DHs as my winter coat because I can’t afford a new one. I look awful in it but at least it’s warm.

… encouraging the kids to build an indoor den to play in over the Christmas holidays because it’s warmer and you Can’t afford to put the heating on

… going to visit a friend who has an apple tree in her garden as you know she’ll send you home with a bag full of apples

… musty smelling clothes because they take an age to dry in the winter when it’s wet outside. Inside is too cold to dry them properly - no dryer and can’t afford heating on. Musty clothes it is then!

… patching up the fence again. It needed replacing long ago but it’s so bloody far down the list to spend on it’ll never get done.

… trying to keep the “nicer” kids clothes (that were usually presents from family) super clean and free of stains so you can sell them on eBay when the kids grow out of them

… the enormous feeling of relief when a friend gives you a huge bag of hand me downs including some PE trainers like new in the right size! Just when you were losing sleep about how to afford the new ones.

… hoping against hope that your ancient phone doesn’t break

… get home, coat off, dressing gown on to try and stay warm

… getting lots of colds because of being chilly at home

As a child dreading meeting my friends on a Monday morning because they always said what they'd been bought at the weekend , new clothes , trainers , toys , a meal out . It was a conversation I could never join in with .
At home it was so cold we had icicles on the inside of the Windows. Second hand gifts that weren't always appropriate but something to wrap. My mum stretching 6 eggs and a block of cheese as far as she could . So many things .

But it gave me the grit that this was not going to be my life and I would succeed . I had a free education and made use of it . I wasn't an academic genius but came away being able to read , write and do maths . I got into a job with a future and never looked back .
Poverty is horrific for children because they can't do anything about it .

Panic attacks at the till in case I've added up the bill wrong in my head.

I still hate firm loud repetitive knocks at the door.

When my parents asked what I wanted for birthday tea I asked for 'real meat' - been living off cheap bags sausages.

One year I asked my parents for Xmas for a box of toiletries, shampoo, deodorant, tooth stuff so it saved me money over the year.

(no aside from that they never helped and I never asked).

Having to copper up in the supermarket and then start putting things back because we didn't have enough money.
Even worse was the family friend who used to pull out all the crap from the back of her cupboards and make a big deal of giving it to us. No one needs 6 tins of gone off sweetcorn thanks.

As a kid the most embarrassing thing for me was having to do PE in my second hand weird old underwear from the charity shop.
In secondary school I didn't have clothes that fit and the free school uniform credit didn't stretch to a full uniform. A bloke my mum was seeing took pity on me and bought me a school skirt. I had to wear that skirt for the entire 5 years. I used to get nasty comments and tutting because my skirt was ridiculously short after a couple of years. It was a good job we couldn't afford to eat as I would have needed a new one - I still had a 20in waist at 16.
Another that stung was my mum buying me second hand shoes that had holes in and had been badly reheeled. I was constantly mocked for how I walked because the heels were different heights.

I was sent out after every coal delivery on the street to pick up loose coals.
My friend's mum across the road used to have me over for tea a couple of times a week so she could make sure I'd eaten something. It was the only meal I wouldn't have to eat toast.
Having to darn my own socks as a young child. We very rarely had any heating either.

If I tell anyone what my childhood was really like they laugh and ask if I was brought up in Victorian times rather than the 80s. It gets to me that they laugh as it seems like they think I'm exaggerating when actually it's the opposite. I wouldn't dare tell them some of the things I went through in childhood.

Glad you responded firmly. There’s no freedom in poverty. None at all. Unless you think the choice between freeze or starve is freedom.

I remember yellow sticker food, being sent to activities because they were free and had heating, jumble sales, free school meals and the uniform shop (where you ‘pay’ with your council voucher).

I’ve spent all the years since running from that reality. Education can get you out, but the fear never leaves.

We picked up loose coal when I was a child as well. And carrots that had fallen off the farm lorries. I've got one hip higher than the other because I carried various siblings from very young and badly formed toes from scrunching them up to keep too-big shoes on at school, that someone had given us.
I lost my job in 2018 and only got another this year (made redundant whilst pregnant) and I can afford two kinds of fresh fruit a week now.

A bed sitting room, where you can touch 3 walls from your bed and a 40watt bulb. could not afford to put Baby Belling on.
Mine was temporary but it is seared on my brain so lots of respect to those that are stuck in this for longer.

I’m so sorry people have been and are going through this. We are struggling, but not to this level. And although I am glad we are not in such grinding poverty as this, and I have options, I would still describe us as in poverty.

For me, the worst thing is being cold. We’ve gone from having not much spare (which I was happy and content with) to not enough. Not enough food, not enough heating, not enough laundry, showers and healthcare. I put off the dentist for me for months because I couldn’t afford the fee.

If I use the bare minimum we can scrape by by, but there is nothing extra, and yet SOMETHING extra always comes up. The dog needs a vet visit and special food, I need a printer cartridge, kiddo has grown out of her long sleeve school shirts and is cold. She needs new AstroTurf trainers. And a coat. I’ll have to scratch around see what I can find her at a bare minimum cost. I cannot bear to think of her being cold and thank my stars the fact she is a horribly fussy eater and virtually lives on beans on toast and pasta, and for my allotment which has wonderful things on, like asparagus, strawberries and an apple tree.

Opening a letter and discovering that the bank wants you to go in and chat about several months mortgage outstanding. DH a bit blank when he realised that I now knew the facts.

Enraging because it is a political choice made by governments. The poorest 20% in Ireland are 63% better off than the poorest 20% in the UK. That's a deliberate decision of the Tories, supported by their voters.

I completely agree with you. Just wondering where you found those stats please? I would like to share them xx

Your reply has made well up again...It definitely leaves a legacy.
Well done to you for becoming a Chef. :)