The mental burden of personal grooming

[AdamAntlers]

Just wanted to see if anyone else could relate, as I feel quite alone in this at times. I find it such a mental load/ cost to just be adequately groomed.

i think it must be related to the fact that we had absolutely zero personal grooming growing up. My poor DM was severely depressed, DF was absent. Although DM was wealthy, we barely brushed teeth, ever went to the dentist, basic washes with one soap all over etc. my poor Dm didn’t use sunscreen, moisturiser, make up, deodorant etc. I had to make a very conscious effort to change, partially as I work in a role which requires me to look credible and also I’m hoping a role model will make things easier for my DD.

im just so overwhelmed by the masses of stuff needed to be just basically presentable. I can’t imagine how much time people who are considered ‘well groomed’ spend on personal grooming.

I do feel I owe it to my husband to look reasonable.

Such a depressing sentence.

I never wear make up and cut my own hair, been weeks since I shaved anything - it's nearly winter so no need, I need all the free warmth I can get!
I guess it's lucky that I work with animals, they couldn't care less.

I hope he feels he owes you the same.

I also find it hard to find the headspace. My mum left when I was 12 so just about when I started needing help with learning that kind of stuff. A friend's mum was really good about helping with period supplies (my poor dad had no clue and was putting all his energy into learning to cook, clean etc - my mother had insisted that she did all that then she left with his best friend).

To be honest I learned a lot of grooming stuff from Just 17 magazine! But I've also been depressed all my adult life, and then became disabled 10 years ago. I'm always clean, I shower every day and use deodorant etc, but never learned anything about hair removal, makeup, hair products etc.

But the last 2 years have been great with all that stuff as my youngest daughter who is now 18 is training as a beauty therapist and works in a spa 2 days a week. She gives me gel nails, massage, she tried waxing but my disability makes that too sore, and has been teaching me the basics of good minimal makeup. And I feel good about myself. I'm still a lot overweight (working on it) and can't bear my feet being touched so no pedis as yet, but I'm really encouraged that I'm looking after myself better now than in my whole life!

This is interesting for me as

I have a close relative on the autistic spectrum. He really struggles with these things too. He is also dyspraxic and I assumed it was dyspraxic that causes issues at times. Perhaps it is also being on the spectrum. If you could explain a bit more about why these things are overwhelming for you it would help me understand, but I guess it might be hard to put into words.

I learned all those things from magazines too. My mother never talked to me about grooming, make up or self care. I would be clueless if it wasn’t for those teenage magazines. They taught me everything initially. Then I got books on make up and grooming.

If your parents didn’t teach you about cleaning teeth and body then that is neglect

the other stuff (nails, hair removal, eyebrow tints, face mask) is all very much optional and people who don’t do it aren’t “not looking after themselves”

Just seen this thread!
Never had the money or interest to spend tons on my apprarance- for me, it's clean clothes every day, with buttons all sewn on etc, daily shower, deodorant ,daily x2 teeth clean , rarely shave legs as usually in trousers. I cut my hair myself, and wash it once a week as it's so dry. I don't bother with cleanser moisturiser or even sunscreen. I'm 58 and no one believes me saying I look younger. For me less is best and I don't look dirty or scruffy. It's everyone's choice what they want to do

It's 90% patriarchal capitalist shite anyway OP. As long as you are clean and hygienic, that's what counts.