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Original poster

Is it ever ok to critique the cooking?

95 replies

Glitteringapples · 12/09/2022 15:50

I’d really interested to know peoples view on this?

If a family member makes a meal and there are elements of it you didn’t enjoy, is it ok to voice your polite criticism so they can improve the meal for next time or is it kinder to just thank the cook for the meal and leave it?

OP posts:
Hyacinth2 · 12/09/2022 15:52

Presuming they also eat the meal I would think they'll know what wasn't as it should be.

PalePurplePumpkin · 12/09/2022 15:57

It depends on the family member.

If it was my DH or my adult DC (who live with me), then it's fine to be honest if asked.

readingatdawn · 12/09/2022 16:00

I wouldn't purely because some people are extremely sensitive when it comes to criticism on their food and don't take it well. Some peoples food is shit though and they should really take the advice.

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TheTurn0fTheScrew · 12/09/2022 16:01

I am the main cook, and the first time I cook something new I ask for honest opinions, which I genuinely want to hear. The most common gripes are from DC2 who generally wants some element or other served on the side rather than incorporated in, which I can do without much effort.

Mardyface · 12/09/2022 16:04

I think you should be led by the cook. If they don't say anything, yes, rude. If they say 'shall I put a bit less garlic in it next time?' or 'would this work better with rice?' then it's fine.

Breakingpoint1961 · 12/09/2022 16:08

After being criticised by 'Nigella' aka MIL..it destroyed my confidence in cooking. Just because you think "needs more salt" etc doesn't need it actually does. Quite frankly, unless it was completely inedible, I would keep my thoughts to myself. Obviously there are exceptions, but like most things, it can really affect peoples confidence, so bear that in mind..

Chamomileteaplease · 12/09/2022 16:08

I agree that it would be better if the cook asked.

However, I also think that timing is important. So, best not to say anything as you are eating it and the cook is still feeling like he/she made an effort.

But in conversation another day or if they say "oh I thought I would make the rissotto again tonight" you could then ask for your tweak.

CampRedLeaf · 12/09/2022 16:11

Depends on the family member.

Most of my family wouldn't care if I complained about their cooking. PiL would take personal offence if I dared give constructive feedback. The irony is that PIL cook everything until it resembles something you would feed a 6MO baby or an elderly relative with no teeth.

Original poster
Glitteringapples · 12/09/2022 16:13

This is so interesting thank you. DH regularly critiques my cooking without prompt and it’s beginning to grate but he thinks I should treat it like criticism for a job role and not take it too personally.

OP posts:
BarrelOfOtters · 12/09/2022 16:14

I tend to ask - 'worth making again?'. DH rarely comments without prompting. Unless he really liked it and I'll get a 'that was nice'.

If he makes it he expects a running commentary on how delicious with every mouthful I take, thanks, a desperate asking of 'how long did this take?', 'what spices did you use again?' as I take another bite of fish and chips heated up from the freezer....

maddiemookins16mum · 12/09/2022 16:17

It depends. DD (17) made a curry last week and it was a bit too dry (not sure what happened), she asked if we liked it and I said it was very tasty but a little more sauce would have been nice as I could have mopped it up with my Naan bread.

BrokenWing · 12/09/2022 16:18

Depends if it is constructive, nit picking or personal preference.

How cooked pasta, veg or rice is can be personal preference, I prefer mine towards al dente whereas dh prefers it overcooked softer. dh likes his food like soup whereas I prefer a thicker sauce but less of it.

Whoever is cooking gets to make the choice and complaining with the expectation it is made exactly their way in the future is not ok.

If you are asked your opinion, especially on a new dish, it is ok to give balanced feedback - the meat is really nice and tender, and the sauce is tasty, but maybe a bit more pepper would lift it.

Xiaoxiong · 12/09/2022 16:18

Never ever ever. The only acceptable comment is "thank you" (if they don't like it) or "this is delicious thank you" (if they do like it).

I am far more critical of my own cooking than anyone else anyway, and I try to cook things people will like - I know their tastes from eating out at restaurants or from what they cook themselves eg my dad isn't keen on fish with bones, etc. The rest of my family is the same, so I just store up in my head how I would tweak something next time for my own tastes when other family members cook.

readingatdawn · 12/09/2022 16:20

Xiaoxiong · 12/09/2022 16:18

Never ever ever. The only acceptable comment is "thank you" (if they don't like it) or "this is delicious thank you" (if they do like it).

I am far more critical of my own cooking than anyone else anyway, and I try to cook things people will like - I know their tastes from eating out at restaurants or from what they cook themselves eg my dad isn't keen on fish with bones, etc. The rest of my family is the same, so I just store up in my head how I would tweak something next time for my own tastes when other family members cook.

Really over sensitive. You'd rather guess what people like rather than take any actual criticism? Confused

Tomorrowisalatterday · 12/09/2022 16:20

Glitteringapples · 12/09/2022 16:13

This is so interesting thank you. DH regularly critiques my cooking without prompt and it’s beginning to grate but he thinks I should treat it like criticism for a job role and not take it too personally.

Does he do it every time? If so, I would get him to do all the cooking, that's just rude

If it's just once in a while, it wouldn't bother me

Xiaoxiong · 12/09/2022 16:21

Glitteringapples · 12/09/2022 16:13

This is so interesting thank you. DH regularly critiques my cooking without prompt and it’s beginning to grate but he thinks I should treat it like criticism for a job role and not take it too personally.

I couldn't cope with this at all. At the first comment to "improve" the dish, I would hand over all cooking and meal planning immediately as obviously he'll be better at it. You can take over a chore that he does to keep it fair.

IceStationZebra · 12/09/2022 16:23

I would tread very carefully. If they were a novice cook and had made a genuine mistake with something, then perhaps, but it would need to be very kindly mentioned.

If it is personal preference then probably not - DH prefers finely diced veg in food like fajitas, bolognese, cottage pie, whereas I like a bit of texture. We compromise.

Original poster
Glitteringapples · 12/09/2022 16:23

He critiques maybe three or four times a week. Thing is I actually enjoy the food planning and prep (especially if I’m not having to watch the kids at the same time) so I’m loath to relinquish it to him entirely.

OP posts:
TheBeesKnee · 12/09/2022 16:26

What kind of things does he say?

35965a · 12/09/2022 16:27

I’d just sort my own meals in that case and leave his to him.

Xiaoxiong · 12/09/2022 16:28

No, I really don't like any criticism Blush Over the last 25 years I know pretty much what my family like and I'm a confident cook, so I wouldn't give them something they hate. If it's no good I am the first to say it's awful and let's order a pizza instead!

I don't mind people criticising other things about me, at work I'm really good at taking negative feedback. I am a musician and take endless criticism from conductors, teachers in masterclasses, etc and no skin off my nose. I just cannot cope with any criticism of my cooking for some reason! It feels so much more personal.

Hiddenmnetter · 12/09/2022 16:28

my DW generally does the cooking however I do the odd meal. I ask for critique cause if I’m cooking im trying to get a particular dish just right. My wife on the other hand is more focused on the practical keeping the family fed sort of meal that’s quick and not dramatic. I wouldn’t criticise it unless I wanted to be cooking…it’s one of those things- it’s a job that needs doing, if you have the nous to criticise then be prepared to get your hands dirty…who has the time to be sorting a roast every evening with kids about??

Xiaoxiong · 12/09/2022 16:29

That was in response to your comment @readingatdawn - I am indeed incredibly sensitive about my cooking and pretty much only my cooking!

FinallyHere · 12/09/2022 16:29

he thinks I should treat it like criticism for a job role and not take it too personally.

Is he your boss ? Does he provide 'feedback' for his peers at work? How do they react?

UseOfWeapons · 12/09/2022 16:30

How does he phrase it? If he's thinking about it as a job role, perhaps he'd like to think how he'd handle continual criticism in his workplace.
Personally, I'd privately take on board what he was saying, if I felt it was valid, but not if it was as often as this. He sounds like a bit of a knob. Tell him to do all the cooking for a month.

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