Is it ever ok to critique the cooking?

[Glitteringapples]

I’d really interested to know peoples view on this?

If a family member makes a meal and there are elements of it you didn’t enjoy, is it ok to voice your polite criticism so they can improve the meal for next time or is it kinder to just thank the cook for the meal and leave it?

I think it depends very much on the frequency and way criticism is delivered. DH cooks in our house, and the vast majority of the time I will just thank him for the meal. He will sometimes comment himself if he doesn't think something has worked, and I may or may not agree. It is rare that I would complain about anything he has cooked, as if I did that regularly I would not blame him for telling me to get my own dinner. If your DH is regularly being critical I don't blame you for being annoyed with it. Maybe he should take over and show you how it is done.

I criticised my mum’s cooking once when I was about 9. She said unless I was able and willing to do it myself, to shut up and eat what I was given. I think that’s a fair rule.

What sort of things does he say?

He’s quite fussy about meat - so it might be that the chicken was a bit dry or that steak was a bit tough. I would eat the same meal and think it was fine - maybe not falling off the bone tender but fine. We don’t have a fancy stove just a standard 4 ring has job so we are a bit limited on how things are cooked. When I ask he for suggestions he sometimes makes these elaborate ideas about marinating meat in vacuumed packed bags … we have a machine to do this but I find it too much faff (and always forget).

How ridiculous.

If my DH kept making me the same meal that I didn't like, of course I'd say something, just as he'd say if I were the one making it.

Maybe he can cook instead these elaborate meals he wants to 'show you how it's done'. He sounds really rude tbh.

Well surely he is very welcome to do that himself if he wants to.

He sounds really rude.

It's fine to say something once in a while but 3 or 4 times a week when the food is actually fine is just ridiculous - if it bothers him that much he should cook himself.

You could always become 'vegetarian' and say you will no longer cook meat and if he wants it he has to cook his own.

If DP criticised my cooking I would literally never cook for him again lol. I am strongly in the don’t criticise the cook camp.

"Criticism for a job role"? Who does he think he is? It's not your job to cook for him.

Sorry OP but in your position I would be handing him an apron and telling him to cook his own meals from now on.

Mmm, no, in this situation, I would not critique. What is the point? If he thinks you overcook chicken, then perhaps he should cook it.

Of course, DH doesn't cook so wouldn't do this as he's just pathetically grateful I cook. But one of the reasons I don't further encourage him to cook is that quite frankly, I don't have the time or energy to teach him and I'm not interested in eating food that isn't well prepared. So if he's not cooking because you insist on doing it, then I have a smidgeon of sympathy for him as if DH insisted on cooking but did it badly, I would struggle. But if he's not cooking because he's happy to leave it to you then tell him to get stuffed.

OP I think you should tell him the meat is his job now so that he can get it exactly how he likes it.

As an aside, do you have a meat thermometer? They are a godsend, no more guessing whether meat is done or overcooked chicken. Your DH can have fun using it since he is the one on the meat from now on 😉

Depends on the person. My DH and I will say things like "that would have been delicious with a little more seasoning." etc. I can also be honest with my MIL. She's not British so less concerned about being polite and more interested in honesty! She actually enjoys discussing the meals she cooks, discussing any improvements that could be made etc. With my parents I always just say it's delicious no matter what - but they are very British and it's all about having good manners with them.

Never ever.
My dh tried to critique my (over)cooking of meat - me as a vegetarian turning steak into leather, that sort of thing, but he knows now to cook the meat himself. If your dh prefers something a certain way, then he should help. Your aren't Mr & Mrs Carson from Downton Abbey!
If you are a guest at someone else's table you never critique.

I would openly critique my dh’s / mum’s / dad’s brother’s cooking and they openly critique mine. But I wouldn’t turn up to my aunty’s house, who I only see a couple of times a year and slag off her cooking. I think it depends on the level of openness with the person.

He's being rude, and my DP would agree with me (he can't stand people being rude about being cooked for). If it's something basic, like too much salt or dry meat, the person who did the cooking will realise (unless they're not eating). If it's personal preference, we'll it's personal preference so not 'wrong'. DP might say he prefers a meal with a sauce to something dry, but he wouldn't criticise the dry dish.

I remember my mum telling me the Xmas cake I'd taken her hadn't been cooked for long enough as it was still wet inside. When I pointed out a friend had said it was thr best he'd ever had (to her, not me, so more likely to be true) she just said I needed to learn to take criticism. I then pointed out it had baked for hours, but about 300 mls of whisky in it, which would explain the wetness. She still wasn't convinced she couldn't be critical!

How often do you get to critique his cooking?

I'd be tempted to vacuum pack the husband and carry on enjoying my own food.

hbr.org/2013/03/the-ideal-praise-to-criticism

“Which is more effective in improving team performance: using positive feedback to let people know when they’re doing well, or offering constructive comments to help them when they’re off track?

New research suggests that this is a trick question. The answer, as one might intuitively expect, is that both are important. But the real question is—in what proportion?

…………. The average ratio for the highest-performing teams was 5.6 (that is, nearly six positive comments for every negative one). The medium-performance teams averaged 1.9 (almost twice as many positive comments than negative ones.) But the average for the low-performing teams, at 0.36 to 1, was almost three negative comments for every positive one”

On, the other hand, you could just tell him you’re not his employee and to put a sock in it.

I do most of the cooking and I value honest feedback. If something isn’t a hit, there’s no point me making it again. But if you are upset by it, that’s valid and you can tell him to stop his feedback.

I think it depends. If you share the cooking, meal planning and shopping and you're asked your opinion then be honest. If you only eat, then no, your opinion is not wanted.

DH might tell me if a meal I made wasn't his favourite - eg he really doesn't like chicken tray bakes that much and has eventually come clean about that. But he wouldn't dream of complaining that I overcooked something or that it needed more seasoning or something. That starts to cross over into the "well then, do it yourself mate, I'm not a paid chef" territory.

Tell him you've resigned and he'll either have to recruit or absorb your duties into his own job description.

My DH is the same incredibly fussy.

Toast has to be a particular shade of brown etc.

Now I ask him for a mark out of 10 for everything I make even a cup of tea.

But to be honest I really did stop doing a lot of cooking because he was so fussy. He prefers his own cooking ans I just CBA with the "feedback".

This could be anything from frozen pizza to a Cooked from scratch three course meals. All of it is annoying.

I'm a confident cook, but I usually ask my partner for feedback so that I can keep improving.

I wouldn't comment on anyone else's food. I find his family put far too much salt in everything, but I just eat up and drink loads of water while I'm there.

Make your own food, the cheeky fucker can make his own, if he ‘doesn’t have time’ he can meal prep. Honestly, I’d never cook a thing for him again, he’s so rude, until he develops manners and genuinely apologises, he would not be catered to by me.

Dh did that to my cooking. So I started doing it with his.

He stopped criticising my cooking after that.